My Life Has Changed. Sort of.
26 May 2012
My activity here has dipped as of late. In fact, my activity on the internet as a whole has dipped. Something changed in my mind and it's kind of ruined one idea of what I had thought my future may have held.
About a year ago I was running a mildly successful website - I'd designed most of it from the ground up, and I'd recently worked hard to get a qualification in Advanced Web Design, and I scored a complete 100% in the Exam too. I was busy working on it, and I was also relatively busy on other websites too. However, my personal life was less fun. I've had a pretty bad upbringing, my dad used to sort of fight with me and stuff, which affected me in a way that I didn't even notice, but everyone else did.
Anyway, my confidence was pretty low and I was very negative. Eventually I decided to cut my losses and visit my doctor, who swiftly diagnosed me with anxiety disorder. And so I was given a choice where to go next. Either be put on Beta Blockers, SSRI's or take therapy. I opted for the latter two options. I wasn't keen on the idea of being doped up on something to change the way I think, but enough is enough. I was getting sick of being unable to do things that most people can do automatically.. like walk into a room full of people, for instance.
To cut a long and boring story short, the medication and therapy worked a treat. Now I can do pretty much anything, and I reckon I'm one of the most positive people out there. I'm where I want to be socially.. I'm a happy man.
However, now the idea of running my own website and designing websites seems an absolute bore to me. I can do it, but it doesn't interest me. I'd been doing it for over 10 years, and I was enjoying it all that time - but it was like that treatment just tore out whatever buzz web development gave me. I've got all the paperwork and skills that say I can do it, but I don't want to. It's really weird. One minute I was so far into it that I had my own little social network, and the next minute I'm not bothered and that was the end of it. I know a lot of people will come out and say stuff like "as long as you're happy, nothing else matters", but from a career and educational point of view, I'm back at square one. I've got a lot of thinking to do, but I don't really know where to start. Time is on my side though, and I'm very comfortable at the moment, and pretty much every other aspect of my life is brilliant... so I will probably find something new eventually.. It's just a bit annoying that my old plans have to go down the drain.
Has anything like this happened to anyone else here?
About a year ago I was running a mildly successful website - I'd designed most of it from the ground up, and I'd recently worked hard to get a qualification in Advanced Web Design, and I scored a complete 100% in the Exam too. I was busy working on it, and I was also relatively busy on other websites too. However, my personal life was less fun. I've had a pretty bad upbringing, my dad used to sort of fight with me and stuff, which affected me in a way that I didn't even notice, but everyone else did.
Anyway, my confidence was pretty low and I was very negative. Eventually I decided to cut my losses and visit my doctor, who swiftly diagnosed me with anxiety disorder. And so I was given a choice where to go next. Either be put on Beta Blockers, SSRI's or take therapy. I opted for the latter two options. I wasn't keen on the idea of being doped up on something to change the way I think, but enough is enough. I was getting sick of being unable to do things that most people can do automatically.. like walk into a room full of people, for instance.
To cut a long and boring story short, the medication and therapy worked a treat. Now I can do pretty much anything, and I reckon I'm one of the most positive people out there. I'm where I want to be socially.. I'm a happy man.
However, now the idea of running my own website and designing websites seems an absolute bore to me. I can do it, but it doesn't interest me. I'd been doing it for over 10 years, and I was enjoying it all that time - but it was like that treatment just tore out whatever buzz web development gave me. I've got all the paperwork and skills that say I can do it, but I don't want to. It's really weird. One minute I was so far into it that I had my own little social network, and the next minute I'm not bothered and that was the end of it. I know a lot of people will come out and say stuff like "as long as you're happy, nothing else matters", but from a career and educational point of view, I'm back at square one. I've got a lot of thinking to do, but I don't really know where to start. Time is on my side though, and I'm very comfortable at the moment, and pretty much every other aspect of my life is brilliant... so I will probably find something new eventually.. It's just a bit annoying that my old plans have to go down the drain.
Has anything like this happened to anyone else here?
1
Maybe self-employed isn't for you. Web design may not work for you as a hobby anymore, but that doesn't mean the potential for a career is gone as well.