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#46 Jason S.

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 12:55

Unfortunately, I get the feeling that women today want things fast. If you let your relationship develop slowly rather than fast, the girl will dump you for someone else that's willing to taking things faster. I've seen it happen. Not just to me, but to many people I know. And sadly, those type of guys just use them and thats why women cry later on because their boyfriend/husband is a jerk.

youre really over-analyzing too much. if youre 26 then you should be enjoying your 20s and live your life for yourself! most of my friends my age arent even married yet (i'm 29). there's no reason to rush!

so, get some self-confidence and just have fun in your 20s. dont worry about other people or getting a gf. just enjoy life and perhaps you'll meet someone casually and unexpectedly. like i said, if youre trying, you've failed.


#47 OP DaDude

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:15

However, never asking them means you will never find the one. You have to have some level of confidence.

...

On a side note from that, I have found that what works for me is not looking at all. I mean NOT AT ALL. Don't go out looking.


I'm sorry. But those two statements contradict each other and I'm a bit confused. If I don't go out looking, then I won't have any motivation to gain some confidence and ask girls out. Because when guys are asking girls out, aren't they looking? And when a guy isn't looking, then he does not ask girls out, no?

Or are you saying that if I don't go out looking, I will just gain the self-confidence without realizing it and before I know it, I will ask girls out without giving it a second thought??

#48 Arpit

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:27

I'm sorry. But those two statements contradict each other and I'm a bit confused. If I don't go out looking, then I won't have any motivation to gain some confidence and ask girls out. Because when guys are asking girls out, aren't they looking? And when a guy isn't looking, then he does not ask girls out, no?

Or are you saying that if I don't go out looking, I will just gain the self-confidence without realizing it and before I know it, I will ask girls out without giving it a second thought??


out of curiosity, where are you from? i just wanna know if there's any cultural bias in where you're coming from before i say anything

#49 OP DaDude

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:30

out of curiosity, where are you from? i just wanna know if there's any cultural bias in where you're coming from before i say anything


I lived in NYC all my life. My mom is Filipino and my dad is French, so I'm a mix.

#50 Charisma

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:33

It always seems like I find the best relationships when I'm not looking--I'm just enjoying life and then someone comes along and it just happens. I ended things with the last guy because he had your attitude--he was pushy and came off as desperate and just wanting "a woman", he fawned over me but I got the impression that he didn't care too much about me personally, he just wanted a partner. That's not going to make him very happy in the long run.

I heard something years ago and it's always stuck with me--you have to be a whole person before you can be half a couple. Seems cheesy but it's true. If you are happy with yourself, you will be confident and happy anyway, and that comes across as attractive. What are you interested in? What do you like doing? Pursue activities that relate to that--do the dancing thing, join a club, find local concerts to attend, take a cooking class, something. If you do that you will 1) learn something new, which is always satisfying, 2) be happier and more confident with yourself, and 3) be more likely to meet other people, including single women, who share your interests.

#51 Jason S.

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:36

ILikeTobacco is right. you simply cannot look for someone. you need to let it happen naturally. if you try, you will fail.

However, if you simply want to go out and meet new people, have you considered joining a group of some sort that shares your ethnicity? idk if youre interested in that, but there are guaranteed to be groups like this, esp in NYC.

#52 Nick H.

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:46

Wait, you're trying to do this because you don't want to grow old and die alone? Being single at the moment I can understand how it seems daunting, but seriously...you are 26 years old, you've got loads of time to go.

I've got a couple of friends who are now married or getting married soon and have children. I say the same thing every time, "why the **** have you done that?!" Despite the occasional despair and thinking I'm going to grow old and die alone, I know for sure that I am definitely not ready for marriage and kids.

Basically, you can't compare yourself to your friends in an attempt to judge whether you are doing something "right or wrong." Let's face it, there is no right or wrong when it comes to settling down with someone.

And so I fall back to my original piece of advice: whatever you do, make sure you're doing it because you want to do it, not just because you're expecting to find the woman of your dreams there.

#53 ILikeTobacco

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 13:48

I'm sorry. But those two statements contradict each other and I'm a bit confused. If I don't go out looking, then I won't have any motivation to gain some confidence and ask girls out. Because when guys are asking girls out, aren't they looking? And when a guy isn't looking, then he does not ask girls out, no?

Or are you saying that if I don't go out looking, I will just gain the self-confidence without realizing it and before I know it, I will ask girls out without giving it a second thought??

Overall point is simply that there is no right way to meet women because different things work for different people. If you find you have problems asking girls out in the first place, just go ask out 20 people. You will get regetted most of the time if not all, but that just gets you over fear of it.

My point with the don't look for it part is that if you try to hard, you are ruining your chances. If you are looking for it, you will do things that you don't like and become someone you are not, ultimately leading to the downfall of any relationship you may have gained from it. That is how people end up old and alone these days. They spend 20 years trying to be someone they are not and then when they finally grow up and realize that that is no way to lead their life, they end up in divorce at 40 or 50. Happened to my parents. If you are not looking for it, you'll find it. I realize how illogical that sounds but it works because you will go places and do things that you enjoy and meet people with similar interests. Girls don't like desperate types and if you are looking for it, you fall into the category of desperate. There is nothing wrong with being 26 and single. Statistics are showing that the more educated younger adults are waiting longer and longer to get married and have kids. It is the whole basis for the movie Idiocracy(hilarious btw). Most of the people I graduated high school with are married, engaged, with child, or some mix of those. Until last week, I was one of 3 people in my circle of friends that was still single. All three of us own houses, nice cars, have college educations, and have little money worries. You would think we are exactly what people want. Don't bother trying to attach logic to your situation. Relationship and love have nothing to do with logic. There is nothing logical about either of those other than the nice tax breaks you get from marriage and kids. Just because all your friends and people around you that are your age are in relationships doesn't mean you should be also. Remember, divorce rates are rising. Do you really want to be part of the status quo?

#54 OP DaDude

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 14:22

I've got a couple of friends who are now married or getting married soon and have children. I say the same thing every time, "why the **** have you done that?!"


Ah! But they look very happy, don't they? That's the thing. Everybody that's young and married or in a serious relationship all look happy and settled. When I see those happy people, it's hard to believe the divorce rate is as high as it is. When I see their happiness, I envy them and want that kind of happiness too.

#55 ILikeTobacco

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 14:27

Ah! But they look very happy, don't they? That's the thing. Everybody that's young and married or in a serious relationship all look happy and settled. When I see those happy people, it's hard to believe the divorce rate is as high as it is. When I see their happiness, I envy them and want that kind of happiness too.

Don't be fooled. I always look happy when I am dating someone. Not to say that we are not happy, but you only see our public face. Remember when you were younger and everybody said your parents were such nice people compared to theirs, and you disagreed. It's the same thing. Couples try not to fight in public. If they do, they know its already over. What you see in public is in no way a true respresentation of what is really going on. There is a reason you always hear or think, "they seemed to happy and good together," when your friends or someone you know breaks up.

#56 Nick H.

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 14:33

Ah! But they look very happy, don't they? That's the thing. Everybody that's young and married or in a serious relationship all look happy and settled. When I see those happy people, it's hard to believe the divorce rate is as high as it is. When I see their happiness, I envy them and want that kind of happiness too.

Sure, they look happy. But there are drawbacks as well, which they're more than happy to gripe to me about. If I want to do something, I do it. I'm single and don't need to check with someone if I can do it. I call my married friends and see if they want to join me, and more often than not they say, "I can't, mate. The wife wants to do <X>" or "I can't mate, I've got to take care of the kids today."

There are good sides and bad sides to being both in a relationship and being single. I've found the best thing for me so far is to just go with the flow. Aside from anything else you'll be more natural around people, and then you'll really find someone that you connect with.

#57 vetDirtyLarry

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 15:45

I did not read pages 2 or 3, just 1, and I saw you are in NYC. You are in NYC and asking how to meet women? There should literally be no less then one event per night for singles somewhere in 1 of the 5 boroughs, especially Manhattan. And that is being extremely pessimistic, there are probably way more, as it is NYC!

#58 Charisma

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 15:48

Just as a sidenote, I'd like to point out that having a partner does not always equal kids and family and the boring life. You all seem to equate the two, but you can be quite happy (and have more money and freedom!) in a relationship without reproducing.

#59 ILikeTobacco

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 16:04

Just as a sidenote, I'd like to point out that having a partner does not always equal kids and family and the boring life. You all seem to equate the two, but you can be quite happy (and have more money and freedom!) in a relationship without reproducing.

Yes, but its certianly fun to practice reproducing!

#60 OP DaDude

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 16:54

Yes, but its certianly fun to practice reproducing!


And that's another reason why I started this thread. ;)