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girlfriend issue question

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Posted

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday after she put her daughter to bed. Around that time I text and call her many times and no answer. After 25 minutes, I decide to see the new star trek movie. At the time, she text me that I could come over. Well she gets upset that I blow her off to see a movie. I didn't get an answer her and thought she was upset or depress and now she is saying I'm blowing her off or I'm just an after thought to her. I'm like WTF.

Was I'm in the wrong?

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Posted

Were you already watching the movie when she replied to your message asking you to come over? If so, you're probably in the clear.

If not, and you received her message, then proceeded to watch the movie regardless, I can understand why she would feel upset.

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Posted

Well, kind of. Kids are unpredictable and it could have taken her longer than usual to get the girl to sleep. I think you should have waited until she had at least responded... if she had a rough evening with her daughter she was probably looking forward to seeing you and got disappointed that you seemed to be ignoring her. =/

*just my perspective as a female and how I might have felt in the situation. 25 mins isn't that long...

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Posted

Are you an adult or a teenager?

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Posted

Were you already watching the movie when she replied to your message asking you to come over? If so, you're probably in the clear.

If not, and you received her message, then proceeded to watch the movie regardless, I can understand why she would feel upset.

got the tickets just after I got the message. I was close by and didn't her from her so I was like, she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone.

movie was good. She lives in a small place, she her it. She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother. I can't read women most. Of the time anyway.

Adult! 30 y/o

:D

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Posted

Kind of a grey area. A text is a quick thing to do and respond to and a call takes a second to answer. All she had to do was say call/text you back. Pet peeve of mine....

Anyway, did you have plans and she just didnt call you back? Has she done this sort of thing before and has it taken her a little while to get back to you? If you had plans, and if this is a serious GF and not just a new relationship, I would of waited a little longer. If she has done this before and taken a while to reply, well...you now the answer to that.

Side note, if the girl is always depressed and doesnt do anything about it...then that is a problem. If she is not returning your messages because she is depressed and wants to be alone...then that is a problem/task I personally would not take on. Relationships are there for people to help each other thru the good and bad times.

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Posted

Welcome to the world of relationships... There isn't a right answer :p

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Posted

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday after she put her daughter to bed. Around that time I text and call her many times and no answer. After 25 minutes, I decide to see the new star trek movie. At the time, she text me that I could come over. Well she gets upset that I blow her off to see a movie. I didn't get an answer her and thought she was upset or depress and now she is saying I'm blowing her off or I'm just an after thought to her. I'm like WTF.

Was I'm in the wrong?

Your biggest mistake here is trying to figure out "who is in the wrong"

Doesn't matter if you're in the wrong or if she's in the wrong, she was upset by your actions and if you care about her you'll try to find a way to work through it without casting blame.

We can't tell you what she was doing when you texted her/called her that prevented her from answering, only she can do that. Talk to her, and figure out what happened. And doesn't matter if you're in the wrong or not, you should still apologize. Hopefully she will too.

Also:

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday

Is this a common event for you two? Had you planned ahead? Was she expecting you?

Finally:

she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone

...

She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother.

And this is a problem. Is she getting help? Is she taking anything?

You should encourage her to get help and be a help for her. If you truly care about this woman, and you believe she's truly depressed (worthy of medical diagnosis), she's going to require a lot of time and patience on your part, and she's probably going to need outside help in the form of drugs or therapy or both.

But most of all be patient. If you know she tends to want to be alone, don't blow up her phone with calls and texts and then make other plans less than 30 minutes later. Though she should be making a habit of communicating with you when she doesn't want company, and not just leave you to guess.

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Posted

Ummm ... when you have to ask relationship advice from the internet, you are not ready for any real relationship yet.

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Posted

If this was pre-palnned this yes you are in the wrong. If this was a random moment you thought about going around then no. sounds abit like this

text GF

no reply

waited still

still nothing back from GF

ok then im going to do something else

text from GF

ok now im in trouble

ask NEOWIN how to win this battle

NEOWIN peeps point and laugh

ask for forgiveness and buy flowers!

problem solved.

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Posted

Welcome to the world of relationships... There isn't a right answer :p

There is always a right answer, just never two people adult enough to admit which one it is.

Here is my advice since you asked for it:

You're both wrong, but you're more-so wrong.

Reason: If she was so concerned with communicating with you she would have made a better effort to reply to your text. This is not to say she might not have seen she had a text from you; or she might have been too busy to grab her phone to read a text she knew she received. That excuse alone is enough to give her some points, being a mother is difficult and sometimes things take more time to do.

Reason you're more wrong: She may not have been aware of your text but you are definitely aware she has children. You should have been patient and waited a tad longer. If you had never text her to begin with and saw a movie I'd be inclined to say she was at fault, but since you made the initial effort to communicate and then just walked away from it shortly after says to me you were not patient enough. You shouldn't have text her if you weren't going to invest the time necessary for a mother to reply.

Why are you both wrong: This is an immature response on both ends. She should not be angry that you went to a movie, if she responded in an adult way by stating after-the-fact that she'd appreciate if you gave her a little more time to respond then she would have been completely in the right.

Ummm ... when you have to ask relationship advice from the internet, you are not ready for any real relationship yet.

When you think you can't ask for advice you are not ready for a real relationship yet.

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Posted

Best to say you're wrong and apologize profusely, even if you aren't.

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Posted

got the tickets just after I got the message.

I'm not a her so I can't really speak for her but I imagine this would likely be what upset her. If you had gotten the reply before picking up the tickets then you still had time to bail on the movie idea and spend time with her, though instead you chose to watch the movie anyways.

As others had mentioned if she had kids you'll need to be a bit more patient with things as she won't be able to stick to a strict schedule. All that said she still could've called or sent a quick text to let you know she'd be another 30-45mins (or however long) before her kids are tucked in for the night.

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Posted

got the tickets just after I got the message. I was close by and didn't her from her so I was like, she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone.

movie was good. She lives in a small place, she her it. She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother. I can't read women most. Of the time anyway.

Adult! 30 y/o

:D

Not sure what you mean by "always being depressed." The limited details we have doesn't give us much to go off of to give you the best advice. One thing I can definitely conclude is that being a single mom with a child (4 years old give or take considering she needs to be put to bed) is not an easy life to balance being a mom with whatever work she does during the day. So cut her some slack.

Second, from what I get from your first post, it seems like it was a planned visit for sometime that night considering you repeatedly called/texted to see if she was ready. If this is the case, I don't know why you would opt to watch a 2 hour movie when you knew there's a possibility she would reply at any time. And when she did reply, you didn't leave to go see her. That seems poor judgement on your part, so I can see why she was upset.

Best solution is communicate with her. Try to get her to explain why she unable to respond sooner. Suggest that simple text from her saying she needed more time would have been sufficient and to do this in the future, but whatever you do, don't blame her for it this time. Instead you should take the blame for it this time no matter what and try to resolve the situation so you can move forward.

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Posted

Calling people is more effecting than texting people when you want to know what's going on.

edit: but I see you tried that (brain filtered out the word 'call' first time I read your post)

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Posted

Who cares, typical woman making a mountain out of a mole hill, tell her she didn't respond so you went to the movies, end of.. don't like? bye!

[edit] had a quick glance through the other posts, i wouldn't listen to a single one of them. This guy done nothing wrong, make a stand, don't roll over or you'll be rolling over for the rest of your life, if she doesn't like it and walks away then she isn't the one.it's a trivial argument that shouldn't really escalate.

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Posted

There are many fish in the sea. Move on!

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Posted

this woman sounds a little wishy washy. She ignores your texts due to personal/emotional/mental problems..that's her problem. you are in NO way obligated to appease her swinging mental problems.

if it was because of the kids, then still her fault. I don't allow myself to get "caught up" in a appease her due to her own issues. if she does in fact ignore your texts, hey that's her problem.

you are NOT married to this woman and it seems she is playing you by using guilt. If you are on neowin to ask what to do, do this; get a new GF.

if she ignores your texts now, how much more are the same problems you conveyed now, going to explode and get worse or even more drama going to ensue?

I'd NEVER marry or get involved with any woman who has too much emotional baggage or who is inept to seek psychological counselling for her emotional needs.

BTW..I've been married for 12 years.

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Posted

Did you only wait 25 minutes?! 25 mins in the female world is no time at all, that was your mistake ;)

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Who cares, typical woman making a mountain out of a mole hill, tell her she didn't respond so you went to the movies, end of.. don't like? bye!

[edit] had a quick glance through the other posts, i wouldn't listen to a single one of them. This guy done nothing wrong, make a stand, don't roll over or you'll be rolling over for the rest of your life, if she doesn't like it and walks away then she isn't the one.it's a trivial argument that shouldn't really escalate.

Like spoken out of my mouth.

Like so many women she's trying to manipulate him - and sadly he's falling for it

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Posted

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday after she put her daughter to bed. Around that time I text and call her many times and no answer. After 25 minutes, I decide to see the new star trek movie. At the time, she text me that I could come over. Well she gets upset that I blow her off to see a movie. I didn't get an answer her and thought she was upset or depress and now she is saying I'm blowing her off or I'm just an after thought to her. I'm like WTF.

Was I'm in the wrong?

after re-reading this;

Drop the bum dude. you have a life dude. you said you called and text her AFTER she put her kid to bed.... that's her problem. after 25 minutes of no answers or replies to text messages; again her fault. (remember, she at this point has put her kid to bed already ahead of this.)

blow her off to see a movie? -no, there were NO plans made with her and you already made plans to watch the movie. yeah- ditch the broad. a woman who tries to turn the tables on you like this is purely manipulative

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Posted

I would add input but am single, lonely and barely clinging onto the belief that love exists... LOL

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Posted

Neither of you are necessarily wrong, or rather totally wrong, but doesn't mean that both of you couldn't had dealt with it better. The story for most relationship problems (not counting affairs, violence, stuff that is utterly obvious and despicable).

Again, 25 minutes is not long. If you have to buy the tickets within 25 minutes, tell her. If she read text after 25 minutes, then she can't really complain. Also, you have to factor in kids, I don't have kids but I used to work with a lot of kids and most of them are a pocket rocket especially before bed time. It is a big hassle to put them to sleep on some nights. There are also more important problems that she has to deal with, like you know, is illegal to leave kids alone in the house. She may had to find her flatmates/parents/a babysitter before she could confirm that she actually could go. Yes, she could've text you while she is doing that, but is not a big fault at all.

Her reaction is probably not the best, I won't know how overblown by you her response is. Being angry at you may be her way of venting her anger or frustration too. And as before, if she doesn't seem to be happy, for the sake of all that is good in this universe, ask her about it!

Girls goes on minor hissy fit over little things too, is in the other x chromosome, if you find one that doesn't, I'm going to snatch her away from you. You will have to learn that it isn't always wrong, just miscommunication mostly. Is not about being on the front foot or back foot, or the rights and wrongs, is about tolerating in the right circumstance, firm in the right circumstance, and always be calm and mature about it.

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Posted

25 minutes is a little sharp to change your plans. I'd have given it at least an hour of no response before sending a text asking if she was alright, if we were still on for tonight and so on.

In this case, if she isn't the headcase she sounds like and you don't want to kick her to the kerb, just admit you were too quick to change plans, but you thought she had changed her mind/had a bad night/depressed or whatever, and in future you'll give it at least an hour or so before changing plans.

In all honesty though? She sounds like she has massive issues, and unless she means a lot to you? I'd just cut your losses and run. Some people are worth the effort, but the majority are not, you just need to decide which category she falls into.

Girls goes on minor hissy fit over little things too, is in the other x chromosome, if you find one that doesn't, I'm going to snatch her away from you.

I've got one like that at the minute. Had a similar situation to this recently where a lot of confusion ended up with me having my teenage nephew around for the night - she was dismayed, but in no way did she try and guilt trip me over it. We were both at fault somewhere along the line, but the end result contained no arguments or issues. I keep feeling this honeymoon period is lasting a bit too long, but I'm just going to milk it for all it's worth!

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Posted

Man just apologize, call it a misunderstanding and move on. This is a MINOR problem, and if you don't apologize or try to ignore it then it will hang around and become a massive one, because the fact you didn't apologize will become the problem rather than you blowing her off to watch a movie. That's just how it works. Save your efforts for the big/worthwhile battles.

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