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girlfriend issue question


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#1 ACTIONpack

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:07

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday after she put her daughter to bed. Around that time I text and call her many times and no answer. After 25 minutes, I decide to see the new star trek movie. At the time, she text me that I could come over. Well she gets upset that I blow her off to see a movie. I didn't get an answer her and thought she was upset or depress and now she is saying I'm blowing her off or I'm just an after thought to her. I'm like WTF.

Was I'm in the wrong?


#2 Cute James

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:28

Were you already watching the movie when she replied to your message asking you to come over? If so, you're probably in the clear.
If not, and you received her message, then proceeded to watch the movie regardless, I can understand why she would feel upset.

#3 Charisma

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:28

Well, kind of. Kids are unpredictable and it could have taken her longer than usual to get the girl to sleep. I think you should have waited until she had at least responded... if she had a rough evening with her daughter she was probably looking forward to seeing you and got disappointed that you seemed to be ignoring her. =/

*just my perspective as a female and how I might have felt in the situation. 25 mins isn't that long...

#4 pack34

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:37

Are you an adult or a teenager?

#5 OP ACTIONpack

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:39

Were you already watching the movie when she replied to your message asking you to come over? If so, you're probably in the clear.
If not, and you received her message, then proceeded to watch the movie regardless, I can understand why she would feel upset.


got the tickets just after I got the message. I was close by and didn't her from her so I was like, she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone.

movie was good. She lives in a small place, she her it. She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother. I can't read women most. Of the time anyway.

Adult! 30 y/o

:D

#6 +techbeck

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:42

Kind of a grey area. A text is a quick thing to do and respond to and a call takes a second to answer. All she had to do was say call/text you back. Pet peeve of mine....

Anyway, did you have plans and she just didnt call you back? Has she done this sort of thing before and has it taken her a little while to get back to you? If you had plans, and if this is a serious GF and not just a new relationship, I would of waited a little longer. If she has done this before and taken a while to reply, well...you now the answer to that.

Side note, if the girl is always depressed and doesnt do anything about it...then that is a problem. If she is not returning your messages because she is depressed and wants to be alone...then that is a problem/task I personally would not take on. Relationships are there for people to help each other thru the good and bad times.

#7 Raa

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:48

Welcome to the world of relationships... There isn't a right answer :p

#8 siah1214

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:55

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday after she put her daughter to bed. Around that time I text and call her many times and no answer. After 25 minutes, I decide to see the new star trek movie. At the time, she text me that I could come over. Well she gets upset that I blow her off to see a movie. I didn't get an answer her and thought she was upset or depress and now she is saying I'm blowing her off or I'm just an after thought to her. I'm like WTF.

Was I'm in the wrong?

Your biggest mistake here is trying to figure out "who is in the wrong"
Doesn't matter if you're in the wrong or if she's in the wrong, she was upset by your actions and if you care about her you'll try to find a way to work through it without casting blame.
We can't tell you what she was doing when you texted her/called her that prevented her from answering, only she can do that. Talk to her, and figure out what happened. And doesn't matter if you're in the wrong or not, you should still apologize. Hopefully she will too.
Also:

I was going to see my girlfriend on Sunday

Is this a common event for you two? Had you planned ahead? Was she expecting you?


Finally:

she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone
...
She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother.

And this is a problem. Is she getting help? Is she taking anything?
You should encourage her to get help and be a help for her. If you truly care about this woman, and you believe she's truly depressed (worthy of medical diagnosis), she's going to require a lot of time and patience on your part, and she's probably going to need outside help in the form of drugs or therapy or both.

But most of all be patient. If you know she tends to want to be alone, don't blow up her phone with calls and texts and then make other plans less than 30 minutes later. Though she should be making a habit of communicating with you when she doesn't want company, and not just leave you to guess.


#9 MDboyz

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 02:04

Ummm ... when you have to ask relationship advice from the internet, you are not ready for any real relationship yet.

#10 The_Observer

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 02:05

If this was pre-palnned this yes you are in the wrong. If this was a random moment you thought about going around then no. sounds abit like this

text GF
no reply
waited still
still nothing back from GF
ok then im going to do something else
text from GF
ok now im in trouble
ask NEOWIN how to win this battle
NEOWIN peeps point and laugh
ask for forgiveness and buy flowers!
problem solved.

#11 astropheed

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 02:06

Welcome to the world of relationships... There isn't a right answer :p


There is always a right answer, just never two people adult enough to admit which one it is.


Here is my advice since you asked for it:
You're both wrong, but you're more-so wrong.

Reason: If she was so concerned with communicating with you she would have made a better effort to reply to your text. This is not to say she might not have seen she had a text from you; or she might have been too busy to grab her phone to read a text she knew she received. That excuse alone is enough to give her some points, being a mother is difficult and sometimes things take more time to do.

Reason you're more wrong: She may not have been aware of your text but you are definitely aware she has children. You should have been patient and waited a tad longer. If you had never text her to begin with and saw a movie I'd be inclined to say she was at fault, but since you made the initial effort to communicate and then just walked away from it shortly after says to me you were not patient enough. You shouldn't have text her if you weren't going to invest the time necessary for a mother to reply.

Why are you both wrong: This is an immature response on both ends. She should not be angry that you went to a movie, if she responded in an adult way by stating after-the-fact that she'd appreciate if you gave her a little more time to respond then she would have been completely in the right.

Ummm ... when you have to ask relationship advice from the internet, you are not ready for any real relationship yet.


When you think you can't ask for advice you are not ready for a real relationship yet.

#12 srbeen

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 02:15

Best to say you're wrong and apologize profusely, even if you aren't.

#13 Boxster17

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 02:21

got the tickets just after I got the message.


I'm not a her so I can't really speak for her but I imagine this would likely be what upset her. If you had gotten the reply before picking up the tickets then you still had time to bail on the movie idea and spend time with her, though instead you chose to watch the movie anyways.

As others had mentioned if she had kids you'll need to be a bit more patient with things as she won't be able to stick to a strict schedule. All that said she still could've called or sent a quick text to let you know she'd be another 30-45mins (or however long) before her kids are tucked in for the night.

#14 BetaAddict

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 05:42

got the tickets just after I got the message. I was close by and didn't her from her so I was like, she must feel depress like always and wants to be alone.

movie was good. She lives in a small place, she her it. She does it all the time when she does not want to be bother. I can't read women most. Of the time anyway.

Adult! 30 y/o

:D


Not sure what you mean by "always being depressed." The limited details we have doesn't give us much to go off of to give you the best advice. One thing I can definitely conclude is that being a single mom with a child (4 years old give or take considering she needs to be put to bed) is not an easy life to balance being a mom with whatever work she does during the day. So cut her some slack.

Second, from what I get from your first post, it seems like it was a planned visit for sometime that night considering you repeatedly called/texted to see if she was ready. If this is the case, I don't know why you would opt to watch a 2 hour movie when you knew there's a possibility she would reply at any time. And when she did reply, you didn't leave to go see her. That seems poor judgement on your part, so I can see why she was upset.

Best solution is communicate with her. Try to get her to explain why she unable to respond sooner. Suggest that simple text from her saying she needed more time would have been sufficient and to do this in the future, but whatever you do, don't blame her for it this time. Instead you should take the blame for it this time no matter what and try to resolve the situation so you can move forward.

#15 +virtorio

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 05:50

Calling people is more effecting than texting people when you want to know what's going on.
edit: but I see you tried that (brain filtered out the word 'call' first time I read your post)