Told one of my best friends I have feelings for her. Didn't go so well

[deck]

So I told my one of my best friends that I have feelings for her.  Technically I've felt this way for years, but always considered her out of reach and assumed she does not and would not feel the same way.  But for some reason I was having a difficult time burying those feelings this time and finally 'came out' to her. 

 

It's clear now that this was probably a big mistake. I freaked her out and I'm not exactly sure why.  We still haven't talked about it and I'm giving her space until she is ready.

 

I'm trying to understand why she is reacting this way. If she doesn't feel the same,  of which I am almost certain, why could she not just say 'I'm flattered but I don't like that way. I'm happy with our friendship." (or something like that).  For me that would be enough to move on. I don't need to know why; that just what she feels.  And with a closed door I know that I can be 'normal' with her and go on.

The fear is that she can't be normal with me anymore. I don't care about the rejection as much as I care about still being friends.  I have remained friends with several ex-GFs; so why is this so different?

 

For my part, I needed to finally tell her because of where I am in my life and how long I have felt this way. My friends are proud of me for telling her.

 

I'm thinking that I'm going to regret telling her.

 

Am I crazy?  

[UseLess]

Sorry to hear - but you're far from crazy. I've found that females can sometimes do some things which are very hard to understand...

 

I wouldn't try to analyze her response too much, but more the situation. If she seems freaked out...I personally think giving her space is a very reasonable thing to do (being reasonable however, doesn't always make it the right thing =/)

 

Hope all goes well for you!

[fusi0n]

Give her some space.. and wait.. 

[Neo003]

Next time you see her just tell "Sorry if it freaked you out, that was not my intention"  and see what see says if nothing then try making some plan to go some place with your other friends and ask her to go along.

[+Warwagon MVC]

You're not crazy dude. But it does suck dude. Sorry about that :(

 

Don't worry give her space and hopefully not to long from now you'll see her naked.

[illage3]

She probably didn't expect it, and doesn't know what to say.  Just give her time and space and she'll snap out of it. 

[DKAngel]

ouch friendzoned :(

[deck]

If she seems freaked out...I personally think giving her space is a very reasonable thing to do (being reasonable however, doesn't always make it the righ thing =/)

Next time you see her just tell "Sorry if it freaked you out, that was not my intention"  and see what see says if nothing then try making some plan to go some place with your other friends and ask her to go along.

 

She actually asked for the space.  I'm glad she did because that reduces my dwelling.  I should have been a little more attentive to that but I wanted to talk it out.  Now, I wait...

[neohelp]

Best case scenario, she feels the same thing but didnt know how to react.

 

Age?

[+Thayios Subscriber²]

Best case scenario, she feels the same thing but didnt know how to react.

 

Age?

^ This

 

If she wasn't interested she would have said so in the first place as soon as you asked her

[illage3]

I ran off when a girl asked me out when I was 15, because I was so shy and I was still a kid.  I wasn't ready for it yet.  Three years later, the same girl asked me out and I said yes :) and we were only together for a year sadly, but I've moved on from her.

 

 

For those wondering, I ended it with my Ex :angry: she  cheated on me and accused me of things I could never do.  The only feeling I have for her now is anger. Haven't seen her in over three years, which is good.

 

I've been speaking to another girl who I am crazy for, she's beautiful and has an amazing personality.  I really want to meet her one day :) we talk to each other every day about stuff really.

[deck]

Best case scenario, she feels the same thing but didnt know how to react.

 

Age?

She's old enough to know how to react.

 

^ This

 

If she wasn't interested she would have said so in the first place as soon as you asked her

That would have been reasonable. She did try telling me 'I like you but not that way' at a mutual social engagement the next evening... but we were both hammered.  Then there was a follow up talk later that night... but we were more hammered.  I don't really remember most of those conversations, so my position is that they didn't happen.

[Steven P. Administrators]

Good responses, sucks to be friendzoned bro.. we've all been there (anyway the older gits like me have lol) seems you did the right thing but didn't get the result you hoped for.

[jerzdawg]

It sounds as if you are still young (teens) - sorry if I am wrong, but if that is the case - you still did the right thing.  You wouldnt want to not know what could have been.  Hopefully she'll come around and things can go back to normal, if they dont.. you'll live.

[Osiris]

Good on you mate, better off just putting it out there and being done with it, no point wondering for more years and you dont want to look back and go, you know I wish I had told X how I felt about her.  It does suck though when you lose out on a good friendship, still just give her space and if you too are actually good friends it will buiild up again.

 

For what its worth though, directly telling a friend you have feelings for them has a pretty low rate of success and a high rate of awkwardness and possibility of disrupting the friendshiip - as you've discovered - better for things to occur organically or raise it in a passive manner...,maybe one night you guys are reminiscing on the past and it comes up that when you first met her you had a crush on her...that is light hearted, plants the seed and allows you to guage the reaction and allows her to respond in a way without feeling awkward.  If they are simple minded or have issues saying you 'use to' and don't have the crush anymore also can also lead to them wanting what they can't have, whilst that might end in some fun not likely to end up in a relationship and takes both parties to want to keep being friends after you've gone down that path.

 

Either way thats my advice based off experience, your milage may vary, still tip of the hat to you for giving it a dig.

[chrisj1968]

Best case scenario, she feels the same thing but didnt know how to react.

 

Age?

Exactly my same thought. Some girls freak when their cat senses turn out right. If she's the girl for you, she'll want to discuss it with you sooner rather then later. you might find out her real character after this is said and done. if she leaves you hanging with no explanation, no skin off of you mate, life goes on. Nice move by the way, that took guts

[moloko]

Its good you told her, but maybe not the result you want.  She might really back away and be not so close now.  This is her choice of course.  I have done it once and was on the happy end but another time it failed and it really really sucked. 

[techbeck]

How did she freak out?

[Crisp]

How did she freak out?

 

Took her clothes off, rolled into a ball crying... in the rain.

[Phouchg]

And so your watch... *ahem*

 

Late to this thread I can only concur with the rest and take my hat off to honor you for strength and determination.

[deck]

We're probably older than we should be to have this type of situation.  Which is why I'm having trouble understanding her response. 

 

Her answer ('no') I was/am expecting.

Her reaction I was not expecting.

 

I'm not afraid of her answer.  I am afraid of screwing up the friendship with her. It was naive of me to think that it can just 'come out' and be done.  But I've never been in this situation before.

 

(I appreciate everyone's feedback, btw.  Thanks!)

[30jeff]

 

@deck

Sort of in the same situation as you were and google directed my "giving space ass" here.

Just wondering how it all played out?

 

[deck]

@deck

Sort of in the same situation as you were and google directed my "giving space ass" here.

Just wondering how it all played out?

 

 

Well this was an unexpected notification.  How often does a near 7 year old thread get bumped?

Well, 7 years later and we are have not been 'friends' for at least 3 or 4 years.  I haven't spoken to her in over 2 years.

 

I still think about her but my feelings over time have morphed from disappointment and sadness to a degree of resentment and anger, with disappointment and sadness.  Closure never happened and I resent that it didn't; I'm angry because of the friendship lost. 

 

I went to a few head doctors and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will never be closure; I have to accept it, feelings be damned.  I eventually moved on, despite her popping into my head every now and again (decreasing frequency as time went by).  And as I continued to know her after I told her, I realized that she was not right for me for many reasons.  Despite that, a part of me will always wonder 'what if'.  What if she actually talked about it with me? What if she responded positively but it didn't work out (I would have been fine with this ending)?  I miss her regardless.

 

Thankfully, life found a way for me to find actual love.  I got married last fall, and she is absolutely the right person for me!  It was a difficult few years before I met my wife. I was truly depressed, in part because of the 'event' and compounded by my own inner workings.  Eventually I found a good head doctor who helped me climb out of my hole, and that happened shortly before I met my then wife-to-be.

 

I don't believe in 'one true love'.  I think there are many matches for everyone; it's just really hard to find those matches.  There are thousands of needles in the haystack, but they are still tiny needles in a giant haystack, so finding even one is difficult.  I got lucky.

[PGHammer]

On 6/18/2013 at 10:29 AM, deck said:

So I told my one of my best friends that I have feelings for her.  Technically I've felt this way for years, but always considered her out of reach and assumed she does not and would not feel the same way.  But for some reason I was having a difficult time burying those feelings this time and finally 'came out' to her. 

 

It's clear now that this was probably a big mistake. I freaked her out and I'm not exactly sure why.  We still haven't talked about it and I'm giving her space until she is ready.

 

I'm trying to understand why she is reacting this way. If she doesn't feel the same,  of which I am almost certain, why could she not just say 'I'm flattered but I don't like that way. I'm happy with our friendship." (or something like that).  For me that would be enough to move on. I don't need to know why; that just what she feels.  And with a closed door I know that I can be 'normal' with her and go on.

The fear is that she can't be normal with me anymore. I don't care about the rejection as much as I care about still being friends.  I have remained friends with several ex-GFs; so why is this so different?

 

For my part, I needed to finally tell her because of where I am in my life and how long I have felt this way. My friends are proud of me for telling her.

 

I'm thinking that I'm going to regret telling her.

 

Am I crazy?  

Not even close to crazy; you just found yourself "friendzoned" - it happens.  (I've had it happen to me; we never stopped being friends.  In the case where it happened to me SHE had a fear that us becoming MORE than friends would ruin our friendship - despite lack of evidence that it ever happened with any of my previous girlfriends.  In other words, her issue; not mine - and without data to back it up.  In my dating relationships over my entire life, there has been one case - ONE - where it well and truly WAS my fault - and I admitted that, took my lumps, and moved on.  And that was AFTER the "friendzoned" case.)

[techbeck]

Holy post resurrection batman.