Jump to content



Photo

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE From JOHN CLEESE

joke

  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 spikey_richie

spikey_richie

    XXXIII

  • 2,590 posts
  • Joined: 02-February 05
  • Location: Nuneaton, UK
  • OS: Windows 8.1u1 Pro 64-bit
  • Phone: Sony Xperia Z1

Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:12

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "###### Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese
British writer, actor, and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...




#2 torrentthief

torrentthief

    Neowinian Senior

  • 3,745 posts
  • Joined: 18-November 06

Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:42

did john cleese write this or did you? If john please include a source link.



#3 Nick H.

Nick H.

    Neowinian Senior

  • 11,772 posts
  • Joined: 28-June 04
  • Location: Switzerland

Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:44

I love how this piece surfaces every time we have a conflict going on.

 

John Cleese did not write this. No one knows who the original author is. Source.



#4 +Lovell

Lovell

    ,l,(-.-),l,

  • 1,679 posts
  • Joined: 14-November 03
  • Location: Great Britain

Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:44

Not John Cleese

http://www.snopes.co...rorismalert.asp



#5 +MikeChipshop

MikeChipshop

    Miniman

  • 7,292 posts
  • Joined: 02-October 06
  • Location: Scotland
  • OS: Windows 8, iOS, Android, WP8
  • Phone: HTC 8X / Nexus 5

Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:47

Cleese or not, still Brilliant



#6 OP spikey_richie

spikey_richie

    XXXIII

  • 2,590 posts
  • Joined: 02-February 05
  • Location: Nuneaton, UK
  • OS: Windows 8.1u1 Pro 64-bit
  • Phone: Sony Xperia Z1

Posted 02 September 2013 - 10:06

Someone at work sent it to me, I'd never seen it before and it tickles me so I shared it. Hence no source, and although I did suspect its legitimacy it's still funny.