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The True Story of Apple Inc.


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#1 Atomic Wanderer Chicken

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 21:45

If you thought Apple made all its money from it’s Apple computers, you were wrong. Apple began with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in a garage with a chemistry kit. Steve Wozniak is actually a chemistry major and Steve Jobs was a talented con-man and was appointed to be CEO of Apple and the head of the meth business. Steve Jobs hired Bill Gates to write Mac OS’s software and help gets their computer business front up in running to help launder the money from the meth they sold. Steve Wozniak came up with a formula for the meth and it turned out red like an Apple. So Steve Jobs decided to call the meth and the computer business front Apple.  With the help of Microsoft’s CEO Bill Gates, Apple’s computer business front became highly successful. Steve Job’s pseudonym was Freeman. A creepy, eccentric and comical lawyer Steve Ballmer was hired as a lawyer for Apple Inc. Steve Ballmer also was the VP for Microsoft Corporation. Later, Steve Jobs in 1985 left to fully run his Apple Meth business up until 1999.   Johnny Ives was later hired to not only to design Apple’s computers but to assist Jobs in taking down higher up bosses.  Steve Jobs returned in 1999 because Apple was taking a nose dive. Steve Jobs later began having health problems and died sadly in 2011 of cancer. Tim Cook who had experience in other drug businesses was soon hired by Johnny Ives to run Apple and the meth business.  Then in 2012, things began to spiral downhill. Steve Wozniak and Tim Cook began butting heads over the Apple meth business. This as result caused Apple’s computer business front to take a hit.  Tim Cook fired Johnny Ives in 2013 for the decline in sales in Apple meth and lackluster Apple Inc product designs. As of 2013, Bill Gates still assists in Mac OS coding and design, and now also helps in their mobile division. Tim Cook still currently runs the Apple Inc business front and Apple meth business.  Bryan Cranston a DEA agent and Dean Norris a FBI agent have now discovered the truth of Apple Inc. They are now currently in the processing of taking Tim Cook, the Apple Inc front and Apple meth business down.

#2 Draconian Guppy

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 21:47

Breaking bad?

#3 Shadrack


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Posted 12 September 2013 - 21:51

A little creative writing?

#4 +Nik L

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 21:53

What exactly is wrong with you ;)

#5 vcfan


    Straight Ballin'

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 22:08

when is part 2 of the E! True Silicon Valley Story of Apple Inc. going to be released?

#6 Xerino


    The Mouth

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Posted 13 September 2013 - 16:50

So Tim Cook is Heisenberg?

#7 dead.cell


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Posted 13 September 2013 - 16:53

So Tim Cook is Heisenberg?

They don't call him "The Cook" for his last name. :laugh:

#8 Buttus


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Posted 13 September 2013 - 17:10

Steve jobs didn't use meth tho, he liked his acid much more.....


actually, that would have been a better story instead of meth!

#9 AJerman


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Posted 13 September 2013 - 17:42

If Tim Cook has past drug experience, does that mean IBM is a drug business too?! I always wondered what was behind those doors that not only have badge access but biometric as well!

#10 Aergan


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Posted 13 September 2013 - 18:56


#11 medhunter


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Posted 15 September 2013 - 12:33

the Apple Brand is intoxicating (Have you seen the movie: Branded?)

#12 Gary2MBz


    Sneakier than your worst nightmare.

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Posted 25 September 2013 - 07:40

If this was true, we would have a set of coloured iPill bluetooth headphones in the colors of the iPhone 5c! :huh: :shifty: