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Common sense: an obituary

joke

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#1 Ice_Blue

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 01:19

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense suffered as churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a severe beating when he learned that you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and that the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers:
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay Me For Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
 




#2 +Nik L

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 01:38

Yawn.   Typical self-righteous twaddle.  Common sense is alive and well, you just seem to be looking in the wrong places.



#3 Rohdekill

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 01:43

Welcome to 1997.  I believe that is roughly when this first came out.



#4 COKid

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 02:09

Lol, I'm an idiot. I read most of that thinking you were talking about a Neowin member named Common Sense.

 

Ugh! Too many hours w/out sleep, I guess.



#5 AsherGZ

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 02:13

Lol, I'm an idiot. I read most of that thinking you were talking about a Neowin member named Common Sense.

 

Ugh! Too many hours w/out sleep, I guess.

Haha the first line does sound like that. But then I used Common Sense. :rofl: 



#6 Xerino

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Posted 14 April 2014 - 23:45

For a lot of people, Common sense died well before this article was originally posted... in 1996