joke 12 Stages of Drunkenness

[jnelsoninjax]

• 0 ? Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
  
  1 ? Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
  
  2 ? Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
  
  3 ? Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.
  
  4 ? Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one.
  
  5 ? Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems.
  
  6 ? Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cocktail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing ass.
  
  7 ? Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five cocktail napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks you outside. You buy him a Slim Panatela.
  
  8 ? Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one by one. Fall over. Get up.
  
  9 ? Head-ache kicks in. Michelob tastes off. Send it back. Next bottle comes back tasting same. Say, ?That?s much better?. Fight nausea by trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten minutes before seeing out of order sign.
  
  10 ? Some doubling of vision. Stand on table shouting abuse at all four bartenders. Talked down by bartender?s wives, who you offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
  
  11 ? Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize you are sitting in pub cellar, having taken a wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
  
  12 ? Put in cab by somebody. Give home address. Taken home. Can?t get key in door. Realize you?ve given address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.

[Mockingbird]

A very special girl that know went through all twelve stages... except that she was carried back and woke up in the living room that I share with my housemates.    :woot:

 

...oh, and one of my housemate then later interrogated the hell out of her.  :s

[Draconian Guppy]

Been through all those, except it was in a house :laugh:

[Mockingbird]

Been through all those, except it was in a house :laugh:

whose house?  :rofl:

[Draconian Guppy]

whose house?  :rofl:

Oy.... long story short, I ended up, buck naked, in an 59 year old man bed :rofl:

 

TLDR, Got ###### drunk, locked myself in bathroom, got in showered, flooded bathroom and consequently room, friends had to break down door and strip me naked to dry off... I woke up and was wtf, must check ass (was amongst friends, but hey alcohol never knows), then figured Oh here I am...

[Mockingbird]

Oy.... long story short, I ended up, buck naked, in an 59 year old man bed :rofl:

 

TLDR, Got ###### drunk, locked myself in bathroom, got in showered, flooded bathroom and consequently room, friends had to break down door and strip me naked to dry off... I woke up and was wtf, must check ass (was amongst friends, but hey alcohol never knows), then figured Oh here I am...

 

lol.  The girl I found was practically naked. I wrapped her in a blanket and put her on the couch. 

 

She woke up, robbed my housemate's closet, then ran off.  :o

[remixedcat]

Impossible to get me totally wasted like that. Even 70% stuff doesn't phase me much... i can down a bottle of 80% stuff and only feel a bit woozy and hungry (A LOT HUNGRY! I can eat 6 plates of food with high %) but I don't really do a lot of really crazy stuff most do when drunk. I'm just an extra fuzzy hungry version of myself.. hehe.

[game_over]

I don't think my body is physically capable of taking me past 10.. I've seen people hit 10, 11 and 12 and always think how do they even get like that? I've had some crazy drinking sessions where i would have literally drank my body weight and still always fully aware of what i am doing, maybe some double vision, slurring and wobbling around but always fully aware and capable of making my way home without assistance... If I did push too far i would throw up and instantly sober up before hitting 11 or 12. 

[TruckWEB]

Well, I'm at 0 and allways am at 0...  I don't drink, never did.  I'm a good dedicated driver.  I've seen many of my friends get to level 10 or more, glad it was their car I was driving because... :x

[remixedcat]

Ever wanna just... take a break??? :p

[+John Teacake MVC]

Alot of Americanisms in that I wonder if there is a UK equivilant but get the idea haha!!!

[remixedcat]

If we ever have a meetup and I come I will challenge ALL OF YOU to an EPIC drinking battle of doom!!!

[RedOak]

When I first looked at this I saw 0-12 and thought - hey, that's 13 stages.

When I secondly looked at this I realized 0 was sober and not a stage of drunkenness.

When I thirdly looked at this I started debating with myself whether "sober" was, or wasn't, a stage of drunkenness.

As the self-debate continued I remembered why I quit drinking 35 years ago... :)

 

[DConnell Member]

I rarely go beyond 2. Usually just a drink or two with friends, or a Guinness with what I just whipped up on the grill.

 

I can't say where on the scale my worst is. Where would "Can't walk straight but can still hit on the cute bartender" lie? Never again. That was the first and last time I ever went to a bar with that particular cousin.

[TAZMINATOR]

If we ever have a meetup and I come I will challenge ALL OF YOU to an EPIC drinking battle of doom!!!

 

Bring it on 

 

 

:p

[+E.Worm Jimmy Subscriber¹]

Impossible to get me totally wasted like that. Even 70% stuff doesn't phase me much... i can down a bottle of 80% stuff and only feel a bit woozy and hungry (A LOT HUNGRY! I can eat 6 plates of food with high %) but I don't really do a lot of really crazy stuff most do when drunk. I'm just an extra fuzzy hungry version of myself.. hehe.

 

lies.

 

though, if you drink a lot...

 

i can have a bottle of vodka or rum (750ml) in a space of a 3-4 hours....   if i have it with food, i can pass off as a normal person who had 2-3 beers. LOL

but i am pretty huge.  2 meters and 85KG.    so it is harder to get me ######ed up and loose my cool.  (unless medicinal herb is involved)

 

anyway, what the hell is 70% and 80% stuff?      proof VS abv?        so real alcohol is 35 to 40%?    like vodka and tequila? 

if you drink a bottle of that and you are still hungry, and not a incoherent mess on the floor, then you must have an iron liver ;)

 

 

i drunk 75% rum a few times.    i drunk a carribean drink that was 80% alcohol by volume. we took a few shots with my friend.

 

2 hours later, i was drooling on a couch. consciously awake, but physically in coma. 

heard my girl calling my friend who we drank with (a 2 meter guy who weights in at 120 kg and can outdrink ANYONE)

she thought i was dead and wanted to call an ambulance. 

my friend asked to put me on the phone :laugh:

 

he talked to me. and i managed to MOOO to him, that i am totally fine, just a little drunk, and i hope that girl will just leave me be for a few hours, until i regain my composure :D

couple of hours later i was fine again, and could move and talk, and i went to pick my girl up and went out for a dinner.  so, great success.

 

 

good time in college.  though i promised myself never to drink anything stronger then vodka again.

(broke it when i got absinthe as a gift.... lol)

[TAZMINATOR]

anyway, what the hell is 70% and 80% stuff?      proof VS abv?        so real alcohol is 35 to 40%?    like vodka and tequila? 

if you drink a bottle of that and you are still hungry, and not a incoherent mess on the floor, then you must have an iron liver ;)

 

If you drink all day and night everyday, you will have a liver damage down the road soon or later..

 

But if you drink once a while, let's say, 1 or 2 times a month, you will be fine.

 

 

I drink the said drink such as vodka, beer, rum)  once a while... not too often.

 

I have not been drunk for long time. I was drunk once or twice in my 20's.

[+E.Worm Jimmy Subscriber¹]

If you drink all day and night everyday, you will have a liver damage down the road soon or later..

But if you drink once a while, let's say, 1 or 2 times a month, you will be fine.

I drink the said drink such as vodka, beer, rum)  once a while... not too often.

I have not been drunk for long time. I was drunk once or twice in my 20's.

 

Noob.  :p :devil: 

[Som]

You forgot stage 13 - black out drunk and no idea how you ended up at home :P

[TAZMINATOR]

Noob.  :p :devil:

 

Bring it on!

 

:p

[+E.Worm Jimmy Subscriber¹]

You forgot stage 13 - black out drunk and no idea how you ended up at home :p

 

hey, i can get to that, without making an idiot of myself, and controlling myself all the way. 

 

 

practice makes perfect, kids.  remember that!

[TAZMINATOR]

practice makes perfect, kids.  remember that!

 

[remixedcat]

Yes I was referring to percent and not proof. Hheheh

[mstefanik]

I'd reach stage 8, become very gregarious (normally I'm an introvert) ... and then I fall asleep on the couch, snoring like a freight train.