joke Actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling):

[jnelsoninjax]

• 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
  
  2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  
  3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  
  4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
  
  5. Excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of tree and misplaced his hip.
  
  6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
  
  7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
  
  8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
  
  9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
  
  10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  
  11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had

diahre dyrea direathe the sh*ts.

12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

22. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

23. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

24. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

[Som]

damn that's depressing

[Draconian Guppy]

all your base are belong to us

[Wyn6]

While funny, you can't make me believe these are real. Don't bother trying to convince me, otherwise. I will remain firmly in denial of people being this inattentive and/or dumb. Thank you. Now, I'm going back to bed with gramps.

[Draggendrop Veteran]

12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

 

Tommy really needs to get new boots..........

[+E.Worm Jimmy Subscriber¹]

 

 

Tommy really needs to get new boots..........

 

 

tommy should really not be crapping in his boots in the first place.

 

 

i wonder how much of this list is made up....      just like the funny SMS exchanges.   someone just exercises the sense of humor.  because i really hope they are not real....

[jnelsoninjax]

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Certainly nice that they are able to predict the future and notify the school!

[Dinggus]

I'm going to assume the parents told their kid to write the note and they'll just sign it.

[deni88]

Hahaha, this is really hilarious. especially the one for Tommy and Megan. You guys need to see the compilation of auto correct by iphone users.. #The best. Parents will always like to do fastest fingers first when texting. 

[(Account no longer active)]

[exotoxic]

4 and 16

[Anibal P]

These come off as modern "city speak" I hear around here 
 

Yes, people actually talk like this for real, go to any medium to large sized city and pay attention to the locals, really depressing when you think about it 

 

[deni88]

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the sh*ts.

12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

22. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

23. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

24. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last T

Totally funny! This is what Auto Correct does. It seems to me that the children where the ones doing the excuse letters.

[Tuskd]

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

 

 Ouch!