Big cat on Microsoft campus (and it's not a Snow Leopard)

There have been multiple sightings of a big cat, presumed to be a cougar, prowling around Microsoft's Redmond campus. Whilst the reports are yet to be confirmed, there were two spottings in as many days by Microsoft employees at the end of last week, in the area between Buildings 30 to 35.

The first sighting was reported to Redmond Police by Microsoft security at 10:15 on Thursday morning, according to The Seattle Times. However, at 13:38 security then also reported that a coyote has been seen by an officer near Building 30, so the police assumed it was the same animal that had been incorrectly recognised by the first witness. A second sighting on Friday brought the issue back to light.

Whilst it may not be the only big cat on their mind at the moment with the recent release of Apple's Mac OS X Snow Leopard update, Microsoft has sent a memo to employees giving them advice on what to do if they encounter the phantom cougar. TechFlash got hold of the message:

For the second day, Global Security has received an unconfirmed report of a possible cougar sighting, this time near building 32.

Microsoft Security will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus, and will work with the State Department of Fish & Wildlife and other experts to assess the situation and provide further updates, as appropriate. In the meantime, we ask that all employees exercise appropriate caution, particularly in remote or wooded areas of campus.

If you meet a cougar:

  • Never approach a cougar. Although cougars will normally avoid a confrontation, all cougars are unpredictable. Cougars feeding on a kill may be dangerous.
  • Always give a cougar an avenue of escape.
  • Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice.
  • Pick all children up off the ground immediately. Children frighten easily and their rapid movements may provoke an attack.
  • Do not run. Try to back away from the cougar slowly. Sudden movement or flight may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the cougar. Face the cougar and remain upright.
  • Do all you can to enlarge your image. Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about.

So if you're on the Redmond campus over the next few days, or until the cougar is caught, don't forget to "face the cougar" and talk to it "in a confident voice" - show it who's boss!

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·Do all you can to enlarge your image.

Yeah, slowly walk to the nearest McDonalds and ask for everything supersize !

As for the rest:
·Never approach a woman during her period. Although women will normally avoid a confrontation, all women during their period are unpredictable. Women feeding on a gherkin may be dangerous.
·Always give a woman an avenue of escape; credit card, jewels, a new wardrobe collection, etc.
·Stay calm. Talk to the woman in a confident voice.
·Do not run. Try to back away from the woman slowly. Sudden affair or mistress may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the woman. Face the woman and remain upright.

Cheers

TH3ROOKIE said,
Yeah, slowly walk to the nearest McDonalds and ask for everything supersize !

As for the rest:
?Never approach a woman during her period. Although women will normally avoid a confrontation, all women during their period are unpredictable. Women feeding on a gherkin may be dangerous.
?Always give a woman an avenue of escape; credit card, jewels, a new wardrobe collection, etc.
?Stay calm. Talk to the woman in a confident voice.
?Do not run. Try to back away from the woman slowly. Sudden affair or mistress may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the woman. Face the woman and remain upright.

Cheers

That is ****ing sexist....

(Im a guy BTW)

With the help of some Apple employees, they sneak into the offices of Apple execs, fire up Boot Camp, and install Windows 7.

It's a relatively cheap prank, uses zero construction material, yet despite being a 'gift' heads will start exploding. :P

Microsoft campus security uses a taser on Steve Jobs, this prompts him with a brand new idea. Within 2 months time, Steve Jobs unveils Apple's new product line called the Ishock. Following in previous apple product footsteps it was a huge success with the masses at first but it then resulted in lawsuits from minor injuries to death. After years of product success, Apple unveils the Ishock-mini a product that is so small that would be criminals would never see it coming.

Beer_N_Cookies said,
Microsoft campus security uses a taser on Steve Jobs, this prompts him with a brand new idea. Within 2 months time, Steve Jobs unveils Apple's new product line called the Ishock. Following in previous apple product footsteps it was a huge success with the masses at first but it then resulted in lawsuits from minor injuries to death. After years of product success, Apple unveils the Ishock-mini a product that is so small that would be criminals would never see it coming.

Gotta get the name correct, else Steve Jobs will put out a A.P.B. on you: iShock.

ir0nw0lf said,
If several of you get chased by a cougar, remember: you only have to run faster than the slowest person!

and right in front of him. lol

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