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Big cat on Microsoft campus (and it's not a Snow Leopard)

Andrew Fairbairn   on 20 September 2009 - 20:52 · 74 comments & 10673 views

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There have been multiple sightings of a big cat, presumed to be a cougar, prowling around Microsoft's Redmond campus. Whilst the reports are yet to be confirmed, there were two spottings in as many days by Microsoft employees at the end of last week, in the area between Buildings 30 to 35.

The first sighting was reported to Redmond Police by Microsoft security at 10:15 on Thursday morning, according to The Seattle Times. However, at 13:38 security then also reported that a coyote has been seen by an officer near Building 30, so the police assumed it was the same animal that had been incorrectly recognised by the first witness. A second sighting on Friday brought the issue back to light.

Whilst it may not be the only big cat on their mind at the moment with the recent release of Apple's Mac OS X Snow Leopard update, Microsoft has sent a memo to employees giving them advice on what to do if they encounter the phantom cougar. TechFlash got hold of the message:

For the second day, Global Security has received an unconfirmed report of a possible cougar sighting, this time near building 32.

Microsoft Security will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus, and will work with the State Department of Fish & Wildlife and other experts to assess the situation and provide further updates, as appropriate. In the meantime, we ask that all employees exercise appropriate caution, particularly in remote or wooded areas of campus.

If you meet a cougar:
  • Never approach a cougar. Although cougars will normally avoid a confrontation, all cougars are unpredictable. Cougars feeding on a kill may be dangerous.
  • Always give a cougar an avenue of escape.
  • Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice.
  • Pick all children up off the ground immediately. Children frighten easily and their rapid movements may provoke an attack.
  • Do not run. Try to back away from the cougar slowly. Sudden movement or flight may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the cougar. Face the cougar and remain upright.
  • Do all you can to enlarge your image. Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about.

So if you're on the Redmond campus over the next few days, or until the cougar is caught, don't forget to "face the cougar" and talk to it "in a confident voice" - show it who's boss!

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#1 vector5ive on 20 Sep 2009 - 20:59
hahaha the last part of the article is funny
(3 replies) #2 koppit on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:08
Campus prank from the University of Apple? lol
#2.1 AnthoWin on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:12
yup! snow leopards are too rare and dangerous so a cougar sufficed...
#2.2 pyehac on 21 Sep 2009 - 08:14
koppit said,
Campus prank from the University of Apple? lol

maybe its the name of Mac OS's next OS?
#2.3 Jugalator on 21 Sep 2009 - 08:38
Yeah, possibly a viral marketing campaign for OS X 10.7.

Cougar is actually one of few still unused big cat names for them.
(1 reply) #3 artfuldodga on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:11
seems like sound advice to me, one would do the same things with a bear approaching you
#3.1 M_Lyons10 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:58
artfuldodga said,
seems like sound advice to me, one would do the same things with a bear approaching you


Yeah. I hope they catch it. I've never been to Microsoft's campus, so I don't know how much wooded area they have. Hopefully it won't cause any problems... Though with it being a cougar OR a coyote, I'm not sure what to make of that. The two animals look very different...
(2 replies) #4 smooth3006 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:12
just let that cat see steve balmer do his monkey dance and it will run off crying like a baby.
#4.1 Master1 on 21 Sep 2009 - 04:48
lol good one haha
#4.2 Jugalator on 21 Sep 2009 - 08:39
Or smell his sweat from a distance.
#5 kInG aLeXo on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:13
Apple's Next Mac


OS XI Cougar





Last edited by kInG aLeXo on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:25
#6 dmbandfan22 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:13
So Apple set a cougar loose on Microsoft's campus?
(3 replies) #7 n301 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:17
This is nothing new, Cougars are well known in the western hemisphere of the US.
#7.1 cycro on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:34
The US had hemispheres? Hold on, that shouldn't be before the year 2967, when the US conquers the entire planet.
#7.2 TOOLaudiofan on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:56
cycro said,
The US had hemispheres? Hold on, that shouldn't be before the year 2967, when the US conquers the entire planet.


Gotta love it!
#7.3 mmck on 21 Sep 2009 - 10:13
Hemispheres in a general sense are talking about a cut along the meridian line and 180°, but they don't have to be when regarding E/W, they can be cut anywhere (usually it would be cited where it is cut though).
#8 +KoL on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:18
Beautiful cat
(3 replies) #9 Einlander on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:19
I want to be attacked by a rich middle aged woman who is sexualy starved for younger men
#9.1 MistaT40 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:35
Hahahahahahaha.......she can show me who's boss LOL
#9.2 toadeater on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:34
The supermarket is practically a safari these days.
#9.3 +Chrono951 on 21 Sep 2009 - 02:55
Just make sure to give her an avenue of escape
(2 replies) #10 +Iakobos on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:27
Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about.


Shouldn't that have a comma? A full stop there looks like they want you to wave sticks at it.

Sound advice if you ask me See a cougar, chase it and wave sticks at it
#10.1 M_Lyons10 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:58
Iakobos said,
Shouldn't that have a comma? A full stop there looks like they want you to wave sticks at it.

Sound advice if you ask me See a cougar, chase it and wave sticks at it


I would agree.
#10.2 +Kirkburn on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:07
Iakobos said,
Shouldn't that have a comma? A full stop there looks like they want you to wave sticks at it.

"Do all you can to enlarge your image. Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about."

I have a feeling you should reread that line. Yes, that is exactly what it's telling you.
(4 replies) #11 Omen1393 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:31
"Microsoft Security
will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus"

Is it just me or did I think of the Microsoft Security as in the Microsoft Security programmers? lol
#11.1 +ZX2 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:38
Omen1393 said,
"Microsoft Security
will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus"

Is it just me or did I think of the Microsoft Security as in the Microsoft Security programmers? lol


Yeah, I got a mental image of Bill gates in a hunting outfit.
#11.2 The Real Alex on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:48
ZX2 said,
Omen1393 said,
"Microsoft Security
will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus"

Is it just me or did I think of the Microsoft Security as in the Microsoft Security programmers? lol


Yeah, I got a mental image of Bill gates in a hunting outfit.


Or Steve Ballmer
#11.3 +Kirkburn on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:08
Guys, since when are Bill or Steve MS Security programmers?
#11.4 vetbangbang023 on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:29


Be vewy vewy quiet
(1 reply) #12 hotdog963al on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:34
Isn't the next version of OS X nicknamed Cougar?
#12.1 Jugalator on 21 Sep 2009 - 08:40
It could be as it's still unused by them and registered for use, but it's not an announced code name.
(1 reply) #13 Majesticmerc on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:50
Never approach a cougar. Although cougars will normally avoid a confrontation, all cougars are unpredictable. Cougars feeding on a kill may be dangerous.


Yeah, if you see a work colleague being eaten, don't go near it.
#13.1 The Stylish Hobo on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:13
First genuinely funny comment thus far, danke :]
(2 replies) #14 kizzaaa on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:50
Isn't this old news? I read about it last week.
#14.1 M_Lyons10 on 20 Sep 2009 - 21:59
kizzaaa said,
Isn't this old news? I read about it last week.


It usually takes a few days for forum discussion to prompt a news article on here I've noticed...
#14.2 +Kirkburn on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:09
M_Lyons10 said,
It usually takes a few days for forum discussion to prompt a news article on here I've noticed...

Well, yes, that's why Neowin has news submission.
#15 Gabe3 on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:11
I guess its a rare sighting to see a 40+ year old attractive woman walking around microsoft campus. this is probably the best advice:

"Do all you can to enlarge your image. Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about."
(1 reply) #16 E.Fahd on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:11
Why would I be frightened of sug... wait ! they said cougar ? COUgar !? *crouchs down and waves branches*
#16.1 HolyOne on 21 Sep 2009 - 01:01
No no no! Thats not what you do! You need to enlarge your image and wave the sticks!

Crouching negates any effect branch waving may have.
#17 Examinus on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:23
Here's a tip: RUN IT OVER WITH YOUR CAR.
#18 powerade01 on 20 Sep 2009 - 22:41
Put a steak out and he will smell it and go to it. While eating....

(4 replies) #19 LiquidSolstice on 20 Sep 2009 - 23:02
"Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice."

Uh huh.

Don't say "please don't eat me".

Say it WITH FEELING. "You will NOT eat me."
#19.1 zeta_immersion on 21 Sep 2009 - 00:19
LiquidSolstice said,
"Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice."

Uh huh.

Don't say "please don't eat me".

Say it WITH FEELING. "You will NOT eat me."



just about to say the same thing ... what idiot would talk to the animal like is his pal or something ...
hey cougar want a bone? no .... ok then ... i will be leaving now
#19.2 Roadrunna on 21 Sep 2009 - 08:51
No, you go "Here kitty!"
#19.3 Fluesopp on 21 Sep 2009 - 20:10
LiquidSolstice said,
"Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice."

Uh huh.

Don't say "please don't eat me".

Say it WITH FEELING. "You will NOT eat me."


"You will NOT eat me."

"You will return to the forest and become a vegetarian."

Just remember to do the jedi hand movement.
#19.4 nekkidtruth on 21 Sep 2009 - 21:08
LiquidSolstice said,
"Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice."

Uh huh.

Don't say "please don't eat me".

Say it WITH FEELING. "You will NOT eat me."


YOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!!! *slams down wizards staff*
#20 SirDoan on 21 Sep 2009 - 00:09
lol wow thats funny.
#21 Solid Knight on 21 Sep 2009 - 02:00
I love cougars.
#22 MtDewCodeRedFreak on 21 Sep 2009 - 02:33
Feed it Meow Mix.
#23 Krome on 21 Sep 2009 - 02:51
wow... A cougar violating Microsoft ground... hmmm
(4 replies) #24 TH3ROOKIE on 21 Sep 2009 - 04:03
•Do all you can to enlarge your image.

Yeah, slowly walk to the nearest McDonalds and ask for everything supersize !

As for the rest:
•Never approach a woman during her period. Although women will normally avoid a confrontation, all women during their period are unpredictable. Women feeding on a gherkin may be dangerous.
•Always give a woman an avenue of escape; credit card, jewels, a new wardrobe collection, etc.
•Stay calm. Talk to the woman in a confident voice.
•Do not run. Try to back away from the woman slowly. Sudden affair or mistress may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the woman. Face the woman and remain upright.

Cheers
#24.1 andrewbares on 21 Sep 2009 - 05:26
LOL, how true
#24.2 Dead'Soul on 21 Sep 2009 - 06:55
lol
#24.3 powerade01 on 21 Sep 2009 - 15:05
TH3ROOKIE said,
Yeah, slowly walk to the nearest McDonalds and ask for everything supersize !

As for the rest:
?Never approach a woman during her period. Although women will normally avoid a confrontation, all women during their period are unpredictable. Women feeding on a gherkin may be dangerous.
?Always give a woman an avenue of escape; credit card, jewels, a new wardrobe collection, etc.
?Stay calm. Talk to the woman in a confident voice.
?Do not run. Try to back away from the woman slowly. Sudden affair or mistress may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the woman. Face the woman and remain upright.

Cheers

That is ****ing sexist....

(Im a guy BTW)
#24.4 duneworld on 21 Sep 2009 - 17:56
Maybe it would be sexist if it wasn't funny.
(2 replies) #25 Master1 on 21 Sep 2009 - 04:52
I wonder what Microsoft is gona do against Apple to counter this
#25.1 GreyWolfSC on 21 Sep 2009 - 12:28
Release a giant "7" at Infinite Loop?
#25.2 rm20010 on 21 Sep 2009 - 21:42
With the help of some Apple employees, they sneak into the offices of Apple execs, fire up Boot Camp, and install Windows 7.

It's a relatively cheap prank, uses zero construction material, yet despite being a 'gift' heads will start exploding.
#26 Tom W on 21 Sep 2009 - 07:55
Meow
#27 ceminess on 21 Sep 2009 - 07:56
Big cat on Microsoft campus (and it's not a Snow Leopard)


Ahhh....I see what you did there.
#28 Hot on 21 Sep 2009 - 10:45
The cougar probably just wants a free copy of Windows 7.
#29 Julius Caro on 21 Sep 2009 - 10:48
Talk to the cougar in a confident voice.


what the hell would I be talking to the cougar for?
(2 replies) #30 EJocys on 21 Sep 2009 - 13:15
If you meet a cougar:
...

Same rules probably would apply to Steve Jobs wandering on Microsoft campus.
#30.1 Beer_N_Cookies on 21 Sep 2009 - 14:11
Microsoft campus security uses a taser on Steve Jobs, this prompts him with a brand new idea. Within 2 months time, Steve Jobs unveils Apple's new product line called the Ishock. Following in previous apple product footsteps it was a huge success with the masses at first but it then resulted in lawsuits from minor injuries to death. After years of product success, Apple unveils the Ishock-mini a product that is so small that would be criminals would never see it coming.
#30.2 ir0nw0lf on 21 Sep 2009 - 19:23
Beer_N_Cookies said,
Microsoft campus security uses a taser on Steve Jobs, this prompts him with a brand new idea. Within 2 months time, Steve Jobs unveils Apple's new product line called the Ishock. Following in previous apple product footsteps it was a huge success with the masses at first but it then resulted in lawsuits from minor injuries to death. After years of product success, Apple unveils the Ishock-mini a product that is so small that would be criminals would never see it coming.

Gotta get the name correct, else Steve Jobs will put out a A.P.B. on you: iShock.
(1 reply) #31 ir0nw0lf on 21 Sep 2009 - 13:55
If several of you get chased by a cougar, remember: you only have to run faster than the slowest person!
#31.1 perochan on 21 Sep 2009 - 17:57
ir0nw0lf said,
If several of you get chased by a cougar, remember: you only have to run faster than the slowest person!


and right in front of him. lol
(1 reply) #32 cropcircles on 21 Sep 2009 - 14:38
#32.1 Digitalfox on 21 Sep 2009 - 16:57
Big LOL
#33 Migra on 21 Sep 2009 - 14:53
Steve Jobs reborn?
#34 +Echilon on 21 Sep 2009 - 19:18
This is definitely a joke by Apple. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that Apple released it.
(1 reply) #35 LOLING on 21 Sep 2009 - 20:46
no need to worry, i got user account control.
#35.1 omnicoder on 22 Sep 2009 - 01:20
ahahahaha
#36 vvtunes on 22 Sep 2009 - 09:39

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