Neobytes :) Conan wants Instagram filters in Excel 2014, offers congrats to Nadella

When you are the new CEO of one of the world’s most influential technology giants, advice is everywhere, and that includes late night TV host, Conan O’Brian.

Conan took to LinkedIn today to congratulate Nadella on being named CEO of Microsoft and took time to offer him some advice on what he would have done to help turn around Microsoft if he were named CEO.

Turning Microsoft back into an industry titan like Wang or Commodore would have required a simple three point action-plan: 1. Zune 2. More Zune 3. Even More Zune.

But wait, there’s more.

I would have spent hundreds of millions of dollars on a marketing campaign to get everyone in America to “Bing their symptoms” after that weekend trip to Juarez.

The Surface tablet would have come with new peripheral device I called “Tiny Windshield Wipers.”

Every single version of the Windows operating system would have been voiced by Scarlett Johansson.

Excel 2014 would have built-in Instagram filters.

These are just some of the brilliant ideas that I wrote down in my personal journal titled “Poetry."  

While we wait and see if Nadella institutes any of these recommended changes, many around the world are wondering what his real plans actually include for keeping momentum behind the Microsoft machine. He's been at the top of the org chart for about a week and while we don’t expect to see any major changes in the near future, by this time, he should hopefully have his feet firmly planted in the corner office.

Source: LinkedIn

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Well, comedians have been known to be more sensible in the field of politics than many politicians. So maybe they also make good business decisions. The description of most top selling apps are laughable on paper. So I really think I'm on to something here...

Looks like comedy. Though I will agree about the Zune. You'll have to carve my Zune HD 32GB out of my cold dead hands...

Sadly I'll outlive the Zune (or so I hope).

LogicalApex said,
Looks like comedy. Though I will agree about the Zune. You'll have to carve my Zune HD 32GB out of my cold dead hands...

Sadly I'll outlive the Zune (or so I hope).


Still using my day one 30GB Zune day-in-day-out with absolutely no problems whatsoever. Even the battery life is comparable to the day I got it

-adrian- said,
The zune is the major example of how Microsoft fails to scope their market right

The Zune is an example of how sheepish people are and how they will continue to buy inferior products (iPod) because of a name.

Tiny windshield wipers would be an awesome novelty accessory!

And Scarlett Johansson as the voice of 8.1 or Cortana? I'd buy an 8.1 phone in a second!

SK[ said,]Only Americans understand American humor.

For the most part, it's only funny if you spin your mental knob to ReallyLowExpectations mode.

SK[ said,]
Only Americans understand American humor.


I'm a Brit, and I understand American humour. I even watch Conan (and Letterman) regularly!

Yeah, many of these jokes weren't that funny...

The "Excel 2014 would have built-in Instagram filters" did get a small chuckle out of me though.

DJGM said,

I'm a Brit, and I understand American humour. I even watch Conan (and Letterman) regularly!

You're a utter disgrace to us Britain's and our vastly superior humour and comedy shows.

NoClipMode said,

You're a utter disgrace to us Britain's and our vastly superior humour and comedy shows.


Brittain doesnt got much, but superior humor they do have.
Sometimes I try to watch these kinda "american humor" shows, letterman, conan, graham norton and such... I can see the somewhat humor in it, but its so ... dont know how to say exactly, but its so studied in. Like how every word, line for line, throughout the ENTIRE show is written down.
I'm used to cabaret, where every show is different, yeah the general line is studied in but most of the humor is made up on the spot.

NoClipMode said,

You're a utter disgrace to us Britain's and our vastly superior humour and comedy shows.


One can only assume you were being sarcastic there. Eitherway, I've got one word for you . . .

Frasier.


Case closed!

DJGM said,

One can only assume you were being sarcastic there. Eitherway, I've got one word for you . . .

Frasier.


Case closed!

Yeah i was joking. Although we do have way better humour and the best shows, which is why the US always makes clones of them. But yeah Frasier is good (for an American show ).