NeoBytes :) "We're proud to introduce Google BlackMail"

NeoBytes :) is an occasional feature that takes a step back from the big headlines, to take a look at what else is happening in the vast, scary expanse of the tech world - often with a cynical eye, always with a dose of humour.


Microsoft has been pretty busy in recent weeks and months with its Scroogled campaign, trying to get consumers to take notice of Google's 'evil' practices - from privacy issues in Gmail to allegedly skewing search results in favour of advertisers. There are no signs of the campaign slowing either, with Microsoft recently unveiling a new range of Scroogled-branded clothing and accessories. 

But, alas, there's only so far a multinational corporation that answers to its shareholders - and industry regulators - can take things without finding itself in hot water. Luckily, the good people of CollegeHumor.com are not bound by such considerations, leaving them free to create a parody video that takes things to a whole new level. 

"Here at Google," the voice-over begins, "we've been trying pretty hard to get you to use Google+. We've even gone so far as to make you sign up for Google+ to comment on YouTube. But a lot of you still don't seem to want to play ball. That's why we're proud to introduce Google BlackMail." 

The video goes on to explain that BlackMail is "a free new service that works like this: either you sign up for Google+, or we release all the private information we know about you!" 

With some pretty colourful language thrown in, the video elaborates on some of the examples of your disturbing web searches that your friends and family will soon find out about if you don't get into the Google+ groove - even if you've been using Chrome's 'Incognito' mode, which the vid says "was a straight-up lie". 

The chances of Microsoft ever releasing such an ad are, of course, tragically remote. Still, at least you can don your Scroogled baseball cap, drink from your Scroogled mug, sit back, relax and enjoy the NSFW video: 

Source: YouTube via @Plip

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33 Comments

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The same actually applies to Microsoft Hotmail, Microsoft Skype, Microsoft Bing, Microsoft SkyDrive, and even Windows, where are the funny advertisements about that?

There are cameras everywhere actually, tons of cameras on the streets, the elevators, some at work, every human has a camera on his cellphone, and there are tons of people who do wired photography of other people in the public without their knowledge.

I guess we are the last generation to be embarrassed of some email or photo, the next one will simply don't care.

College Humor video that takes things a bit beyond and neo members bash instead of enjoying the video and have a laugh....
Or maybe some realized the video was as much a joke targeting the haters...
Anyway, happy Christmas peeps.

Hello,

Kalint said,
I heard next week's neobytes is how deep can Neowin's reputation drop in the Mariana Trench.

I can confirm that rumor is incorrect.

I enjoyed the hell out of this video. The youtube search about *ahem* "self pleasuring" . The angling the camera to make your johnson look bigger cracked me up. Whoever did it, well done.

I gotta say last night Facebook was full of Duck Dynasty crap. My Google+ stream led me to an awesome TED Talk on global economic and health changes since the 1960's.

Mr. Hand said,
Scary part is that's technically feasible.

It is scary because employees at Google have used information about users to blackmail them.

Bing: google employee harassed
Bing: google employee abuse

These are just the ones that got media attention, the majority of incidents Google deals with internally if at all.

wow, I didn't realize because thankfully I don't use google services, but man are they desperate to catch the social train that left them behind long ago!!!

Wow. Now Neowin is posting satire/jokes on the front page. Ok then....

Marketing ads I can understand even tho I dont like the bashing from any company towards another.

techbeck said,
Wow. Now Neowin is posting satire/jokes on the front page. Ok then....

Marketing ads I can understand even tho I dont like the bashing from any company towards another.

It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't true. And yes, it is a slow Friday news day. And yes, google deserves this one

techbeck said,
Wow. Now Neowin is posting satire/jokes on the front page. Ok then....

Marketing ads I can understand even tho I dont like the bashing from any company towards another.

It is odd to see people take a stand against corporate 'bashing', when in reality, all advertising is a form of comparative 'bashing'. Just because some marketing campaigns take a more subtle or passive method, doesn't mean they are saying anything different.

"We make the best tasting cookies!"
=
"The other brand tastes like crap compared to our cookies."

The other interesting anomaly is people only seem to come out in defense of companies that were the original agitators. It was ok for them to talk crap for years, but now it is bad. Really?

"I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC," should have been corrected to say, "Mac is going to tell several lies that will get these commercials banned in countries with standards regulations, but in the US, they will run and run until people believe they are true."

Also, who do you think Google's "Do No Evil" campaign was targeted at? IBM? Apple? 1800Flowers? Seriously, who honestly didn't realize it was a marketing campaign against Microsoft? Is there anyone 'admittedly' that dense?


Mobius Enigma said,

It is odd to see people take a stand against corporate 'bashing', when in reality, all advertising is a form of comparative 'bashing'. Just because some marketing campaigns take a more subtle or passive method, doesn't mean they are saying anything different.

Big difference producing an ad comparing features as apposed to creating an ad solely to bash the competition while saying little to nothing about what you offer.

techbeck said,

Big difference producing an ad comparing features as apposed to creating an ad solely to bash the competition while saying little to nothing about what you offer.

1) You do get that this isn't a Microsoft commercial, right?

2) Every Microsoft commercial does promote their product, in addition to pointing out factual things about Google.

3) Google has NEVER denied any of Microsoft's claims, and proudly defends their position to use and view data.

You have lowered yourself to actually amaze me this morning. I hope you have a better day.

Mobius Enigma said,

1) You do get that this isn't a Microsoft commercial, right?

I replied to your post about corporate bashing. You did not reference the article. The OP video is not advertising at all, it is a satire video and made to be funny.


2) Every Microsoft commercial does promote their product, in addition to pointing out factual things about Google.

So it is factual that Google steals data when they publicly post their policy changes and you have to agree to certain things. Here is a hint, if you agree to Google's policy, it is not stealing. Now if Google went ahead and did these things without telling anyone, then yea..that is stealing.


3) Google has NEVER denied any of Microsoft's claims, and proudly defends their position to use and view data.

Why should Google deny anything? Google has been pretty quiet during all of this and it would do no good for them to say anything. If they are doing something wrong, stealing data, it will be proven. So far no one has proven anything. Just MS talking is all.


You have lowered yourself to actually amaze me this morning. I hope you have a better day.

So I lowered myself for replying to your post about corporate bashing and stating that I do not like any kind of advertising that is mainly bashing the competition and says little to nothing about what they sell. Ummm, ok then. Whatever. I really hope no one tells you you are having a bad day for expressing your opinion for misreading/not getting someones point. Must be nice to be perfect and right all the time.

Have a good one.

Hello,

techbeck said,

Yea, sorry. Just never liked stuff like this regardless what company is is poking fun at. But that is me.


Then why enter and comment if you don't like Neobytes? Just ignore it!

techbeck said,

I replied to your post about corporate bashing. You did not reference the article. The OP video is not advertising at all, it is a satire video and made to be funny.

So it is factual that Google steals data when they publicly post their policy changes and you have to agree to certain things. Here is a hint, if you agree to Google's policy, it is not stealing. Now if Google went ahead and did these things without telling anyone, then yea..that is stealing.

Why should Google deny anything? Google has been pretty quiet during all of this and it would do no good for them to say anything. If they are doing something wrong, stealing data, it will be proven. So far no one has proven anything. Just MS talking is all.

So I lowered myself for replying to your post about corporate bashing and stating that I do not like any kind of advertising that is mainly bashing the competition and says little to nothing about what they sell. Ummm, ok then. Whatever. I really hope no one tells you you are having a bad day for expressing your opinion for misreading/not getting someones point. Must be nice to be perfect and right all the time.

Have a good one.

Where did I say Google 'steals' data?

It is not just about Google denying Microsoft claims, they publically defend their position of allowing engineer level employees to access customer data.
(They CONFIRM what Microsoft has been saying and then DEFEND it.)

You keep getting sidetracked on 'stealing' data, which is NOT what I said Google does. If you want to change the debate, do so, but don't try to purport my statements as something I did not say or intend.

Google's nefarious actions are in how they handle collected data and their use of collected data. They also mislead people about data collection (see EU fines), but the users are technically informed, so it is NOT STEALING.

As I mentioned below - Bing: google employee harassed


As for commercials 'bashing' other companies/products, Microsoft is one of the tamest companies when it comes to marketing. When you consider that most of their perceived competition are companies they do business with, they have no reason to offer misinformation or take cheap shots.
(From Sony to Apple, these are professional partners of Microsoft, so they tend not to bash the competition.)

*Also note that Microsoft advertising has not been pulled from television in various countries like the UK because it is not factual or is misleading. The companies that do bash, like Apple, do have their Ad pulled because they are NOT truthful.


PS I apologize for being a borderline jerk, I think I was having a bad morning and didn't realize it. Do take care of yourself and hopefully we can have better debates in the future.

Edited by Mobius Enigma, Dec 21 2013, 7:04am :