[news] The Penis Guillotine


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The emergency department is my place of employment. I specialized in emergency medicine in residency following medical school. I like emergency medicine for many reasons. I get to help people, I?m never ?on-call? because it is shift work, I have a flexible schedule, and I make a pretty good living.

But, as important as those perks are to me, the best perk are the stories. The crazy, weird and odd things people do or complain about when they come to the ER, now that is what can make life really interesting. In one week I saw a patient who reported seizures following lightning strikes, a man with itchy nipples and numb lips, and an adolescent who wondered why his hands were red after he gratified himself.

I still remember my first week in private practice? fresh out of residency and I thought I had seen it all.

It was late at night, I was the only doc left in the ER and things had slowed down enough for everyone to catch their breath. I was checking my email when I heard screaming coming from the ambulance bay down the hall. Apparently this 30 something male had pushed through the sliding glass security doors and was sprinting down the hallway, screaming ?it?s gone!!! It?s gone!!! He was without shirt and shoes, and the front of his light-grey sweat pants was covered with bright red blood. He passed out and I pulled down his pants to see what was going on? there was 1 testicle. The man had 1 testicle and everything else was gone! After we got the bleeding under control, the surgeon showed up and rushed the patient upstairs to the operating room to "finish the job."

What happened to this guy? Did his wife catch him with another woman and pull a ?Lorena Bobbitt?? Did he get it caught in a moving car door? The next day, one of the police officers came by the ER to give me the ?details? of the events that occurred prior to the patient entering our hospital.

The patient had rented a hotel room across from the hospital. In that that hotel room the police found blood all over the floor, empty vodka bottles, a bungee cord tied to the door knob at one end and frayed and bloody at the other end? and sitting on the desk in the middle of the room, was a custom (machine shop custom) made guillotine. Apparently this young man did not want to be a man anymore and was without insurance that would pay for such changes. So he had a professionally made guillotine for his penis? the ?Penis Guillotine?? WTF!!! :woot:

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WTF!? ok it may have been cheaper but WTF?!

Besides he has just screwed himself as without his man station being intact they don't have much to work with to turn him in to a woman anyway.

Would have been better off seeing a psychologist

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My sister worked in A&E (British equivalent) for a while, and her stories were madness...

2 older gay men came in one not able to walk well. He was in HUGE abdominal pain. They found melted rubber a long way into his anus. Turns out they had tried to make the "most comfortable fitting buttplug" by connecting a funnel to some hose, inserting it and letting it set.

She said the main thing she took from A&E was "there's no end to the thing people will put up their ass".

But even worse was a guy who put a rose down his urethra. He wanted to show his girlfriend, who laughed and pulled it out. However, rose stems have millions of tiny little hairs, which were facing the direction she pulled. Apparently blood was just gushing from his penis.

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But even worse was a guy who put a rose down his urethra. He wanted to show his girlfriend, who laughed and pulled it out. However, rose stems have millions of tiny little hairs, which were facing the direction she pulled. Apparently blood was just gushing from his penis.

OMG! OUCH!

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But even worse was a guy who put a rose down his urethra. He wanted to show his girlfriend, who laughed and pulled it out. However, rose stems have millions of tiny little hairs, which were facing the direction she pulled. Apparently blood was just gushing from his penis.

ahghrghghrhah.

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Omfg! I once knew a Guy who was a complete idiot before he did this but this really topped the cake... One day he was bored so he took an ear cotton bud and shoved it down the centre of his penis just to.. and I quote him "see what it feels like"... makes me CRINGE everytime I hear it!

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Omfg! I once knew a Guy who was a complete idiot before he did this but this really topped the cake... One day he was bored so he took an ear cotton bud and shoved it down the centre of his penis just to.. and I quote him "see what it feels like"... makes me CRINGE everytime I hear it!

ahghrghghrhahahghrghghrhah.

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Isn't being human fun. . .just think of all the fools who work and live around you. This is another one of those "Darwin" stories. . . :woot:

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I cringed while reading the various stories that didn't end well. You'd think any male would keep his genitalia intact.

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