• Sign in to Neowin Faster!

    Create an account on Neowin to contribute and support the site.

Sign in to follow this  

Disorder in the American Courts

Recommended Posts

ill    10

*These quotes are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts",

and are things people _actually said in court _, word for word, taken

down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of

staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. .*

*____________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?*

*WITNESS **: Yes.*

*ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?*

*WITNESS **: I forget.*

*ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

forgot?***

*___________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"*

*WITNESS **: Did you actually pass the bar exam?***

*____________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?*

*WITNESS **: He's twenty, much like your IQ.*

*______________________________________________________________**______*

*ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?*

*WITNESS **: Are you ****ting me?***

*____________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?*

*WITNESS **: Yes.*

**

*ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?*

**

*WITNESS **: Getting laid!!*

*___________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?*

**

*WITNESS **: Yes..*

**

*ATTORNEY: How many were boys?*

**

*WITNESS **: None.*

**

*ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?*

**

*WITNESS **: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a

new attorney?*

*__________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?*

**

*WITNESS **: By death.*

**

*ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?*

**

*WITNESS **: Take a guess.***

*_________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?*

**

*WITNESS **: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.*

**

*ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?*

**

*WITNESS **: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.***

*_________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?*

**

*WITNESS **: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.*

*_________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?What school did you go to?*

**

*WITNESS **: Oral.*

*__________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?*

**

*WITNESS **: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.*

**

*ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?*

**

*WITNESS **: If not, he was by the time I finished.***

*_________________________________________________________________*

*ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?*

**

*WITNESS **: Are you qualified to ask that question?***

*_________________________________________________________________*

*And the best for last:*

**

*ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse?*

**

*WITNESS **: **No.***

**

*ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?*

**

*WITNESS **: **No.***

**

*ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?*>

**

*WITNESS **: **No.***

**

*ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?*

**

*WITNESS **: **No.***

**

*ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?*

**

*WITNESS **: **Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar**.*

**

*ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?*

**

*WITNESS **: **Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law.*

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FMH    717

Stunningly humorous.

The great jokes keeping on coming! Lol'ed!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Chester0    15

lol epic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+jnelsoninjax    11,798

:laugh: Love the last line!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Xahid    5,326

The last one is epic :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DJD    44

:laugh: the last one was truly epic!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nick H.    9,708

It's interesting how these accounts are word-for-word, and yet the wording seems to change every time that I read it.

Still funny, nonetheless. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pam14160    319

Thank you to the OP. What a great way to start the new year; seeing how dumb an education in law can really be. . . :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Growled    3,880

Great stuff. I can actually see this happening in our courts today. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andrew Lyle    336

Oh my, I hope most of those are made up!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Muhammad Farrukh    1,080

:laugh:

Great ones indeed

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MidnightDevil    73

Lol! Awesome! Last one was just.... something :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.