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  • Horn broken. Watch for finger.
    If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.
    Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
    My job is secure. No one else wants it.
    You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.
    This is my other car!
    Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
    Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
    Don't steal. The government hates competition.
    We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
    Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas.
    Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control.
    There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.
    My computer doesn't understand me!
    Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
    I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
    Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank the Grandma!
    Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
    Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today.
    I'd rather be hunting.
    Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.
    The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
    Hang up and drive!
    Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy.
    I souport publik edukashun.
    We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
    I'd rather be driving a golf ball.
    I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
    Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
    A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.
    Tired of being around? Call Dr. Jack.
    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
    My other car bumper sticker is funny.
    If all else fails... lower your standards
    Bosses are like diapers. Full of sh*t and all over your ass!
    I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
    The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
    Don't laugh ... It's paid for!
    Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
    He who dies with the most toys, wins!
    My other car is a Porsche.

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Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm sleeping with your boyfriend.

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