One year ago today...


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...my father passed away peacefully, in his sleep, due to a sudden heart attack at his home in the Dr. Phillips neighborhood of Orlando, FL. They have since relocated; but the past year has brought me through a heck of a lot of changes, trauma, and strengthening. I am very nervous and shaky right now, fearing that something bad might happen again. It has been a rough past week. I have been having a lot of trouble falling asleep, and I have also been sleeping a lot more than usual. Other than that I have pretty much been OK.

It was just so sudden, I mean I talked to him less than an hour before he died (5:45 pm PST) and he died at 6:30 pm PST... :cry: I guess what happened is that he was tired so he went to bed early; and he rolled over in his sleep and fell off the bed; but by the time he did that he was already gone. :cry: At least I got to say my final good bye. And at least I got to see him at Christmas of 2002. :)

To this day, I fail to understand why this event happened. I know that God does things for a reason; but this one I have yet to really comprehend. Maybe I never will fully understand why God took my dad and called him home so early in his life (one month after his 47th birthday). Maybe I will. I just don't know yet.

Another thing that is still troubling me is that I was a very bad son to him when I still lived at home. That's why I'm in the program that I'm in now. I wonder if; had I not done any of the crap that I did when I was younger; could he still be alive today? :-? Could he have had less stress on his heart and not died with an undetected heart condition with everything leading up to it (i.e. the crap that I pulled)? These questions cannot be answered now, as the time to answer them has come and gone.

Many questions remain to be answered to this day. Some I hope to get answers to. I am sure I will reunite with him in Heaven one of these days. I will have my time to be called home and meet up with my dad once again, who I know is watching over me right now. Thanks for listening. Have a great evening, and thank you all very much from the bottom of my heart for your support over the past year. It means the world to me. :D

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sorry to hear it dude. it must be tough. i can say that i have not lost either of my parents yet, and for that i am totally grateful.

everything we do happens for a reason. he is proud of you and always will be.

you have a great night also! im here for ya bud.

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It's quite normal for when someone that you know dies to blame yourself for it, and although I don't know you or your father, I can guarentee you that it wasn't your fault. I'm sure that whatever crap you pulled was all a part of growing up and nothing that you did would of caused what happened to him.

I hope that you find the strengh to reason with it to be able to move on, you don't have to forget him, but it's not fair on yourself to moarn him for over a year.

When he died, he loved you, and you loved him, I know because no matter what you do to your parents, they have a weakness called 'Unconditional Love' ;) and you obviously love him because you are still very upset about the ordeal. And when that thing happened one year ago today, that's what mattered, and that makes everything ok.

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My condolences to you HB guy.

The day, hour, minutes that we were born in, we were destined to die someday. But the fact of dying isn't daunting enough. It's the fact that "Have you lived your life to the fullest?" matters most.

If you have lived your life to the fullest, it doesn't matter even if you have just lived one day. I'm sure your father had been contented with his life. Even if you had been wilful in the past, but you have changed, therefore, giving your father the peace to leave this world, because every parent in this world wishes their decendents to live well.

What is dust should be left in dust. Whatever has been done had already became history. Your wilfullness might have been the cause, but that doesn't matter now. What matters now is how are you going to carry on with your life, living it to the fullest the way you want it to be, so that when the time comes, you can say this " I have live my life to the fullest and the way I want it to be, did everything with my uptmost effort and I can pass on without fear and regrets."

Look back to the past, learn from mistakes, but do not dwell in it. Live your life to the fullest everyday, doing everything the best you could, and love others as God has created you to love.

Hope this helps. I have stopped believing in God so long ago. I would rather believe in myself because I'm only as strong as my mind is.

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When he died, he loved you, and you loved him, I know because no matter what you do to your parents, they have a weakness called 'Unconditional Love' ;) and you obviously love him because you are still very upset about the ordeal. And when that thing happened one year ago today, that's what mattered, and that makes everything ok.

:cry:

condolences to you HBguy and your story really makes me stop and pause to be thankful for what i have, for we know not what tomorrow may bring.

but i believe everything always happens for a reason, and its thru my faith that i trust God in all things. ur in my prayers tonite, and hope that peace

will be with you ...

thanks to "quick reply" for the kind words also.. they really have alot of depth and meaning!

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