Difficulties...

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

I have this dilemma for awhile now. I don't think I'll be free of it until I move out of my parent's house. I'm only here because I can't work due to medical/personal stuff.

 

Anyway, my issues:

 

1. My Mom says I watch movies/shows at night before bed. This happens to be true. It helps me fall asleep at night, and keep asleep. I know some studies say that's bad, but, it works for me. One night I could not get to sleep. So I flip on a movie, and bang, was asleep.

 

1a. Due to the above, she says I leave my monitor on all night. This is dead false. I have my LCD set to turn off within 5 minutes. Same time for screensaver AND LCD power down. So 5 minutes after a movie plays, it will shut down the LCD. What I "think" is happening is she is seeing the glare from our modem lights, and she thinks that is my screen... 

[FloatingFatMan]

Video playback usually overrides display sleep times, unless you mean it shuts off 5 minutes after a movie finishes...

 

[Nick H. Supervisor]

I take it she doesn't like the monitor being on when not in use? Is that what the question is? Are you asking us for advice on what to tell her, or do you want to know if your monitor really is switching off after 5 minutes?

[Draconian Guppy]

9 hours ago, Mindovermaster said:

I have this dilemma for awhile now. I don't think I'll be free of it until I move out of my parent's house. I'm only here because I can't work due to medical/personal stuff.

 

Anyway, my issues:

 

1. My Mom says I watch movies/shows at night before bed. This happens to be true. It helps me fall asleep at night, and keep asleep. I know some studies say that's bad, but, it works for me. One night I could not get to sleep. So I flip on a movie, and bang, was asleep.

 

1a. Due to the above, she says I leave my monitor on all night. This is dead false. I have my LCD set to turn off within 5 minutes. Same time for screensaver AND LCD power down. So 5 minutes after a movie plays, it will shut down the LCD. What I "think" is happening is she is seeing the glare from our modem lights, and she thinks that is my screen... 

Cover the modem lights with tape.

 

The issue is your mom is bothered by the glare? shut the door?

[xendrome]

Yeah whats the actual problem here? Power cost? Glare?

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

@FloatingFatMan Yes, it shuts down the screen after a movie. I have VLC to close after the movie is done, not during.

 

@Nick H. I'm asking advice how to shut her up. Not that my monitor isn't shutting off.

 

@Draconian Guppy I have tried tape, but that doesn't seem to do the job. My door is closed at night, not shut close, but theres a little cap I think she is seeing from. I don't think she ever comes in my room. Looking at this, though: https://www.amazon.com/LightDims-Original-Strength-Electronics-Appliances/dp/B009WSJNCW

 

@xendrome IDK, it's just that she complains "your monitor was on" not sure where that comes from...

[Nick H. Supervisor]

4 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

@FloatingFatMan Yes, it shuts down the screen after a movie. I have VLC to close after the movie is done, not during.

 

@Nick H. I'm asking advice how to shut her up. Not that my monitor isn't shutting off.

 

@Draconian Guppy I have tried tape, but that doesn't seem to do the job. My door is closed at night, not shut close, but theres a little cap I think she is seeing from. I don't think she ever comes in my room. Looking at this, though: https://www.amazon.com/LightDims-Original-Strength-Electronics-Appliances/dp/B009WSJNCW

 

@xendrome IDK, it's just that she complains "your monitor was on" not sure where that comes from...

Sounds like you need to ask her why she keeps bringing it up. Also, recreate the situation but put yourself where she is looking. That way you can figure out what she is seeing.

[FloatingFatMan]

Modem lights are very different to an LCD's backlight. Ask her to point to where the lightsource is that she's seeing.

 

Also, have you verified that your monitor IS actually turning off after a movie finishes? Perhaps she's just complaining that a movie is still playing whilst you're fast asleep?

[xendrome]

9 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

 

@xendrome IDK, it's just that she complains "your monitor was on" not sure where that comes from...

Well we can't figure out a solution to a problem we aren't clear on.

[Circaflex]

Do you pay rent? If yes, you have a reason to bring it up for debate. If you don't pay rent, IMO you don't have much say. Her house, her rules. Have you thought about having a conversation with her to see where she is coming from?

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

3 hours ago, Circaflex said:

Do you pay rent? If yes, you have a reason to bring it up for debate. If you don't pay rent, IMO you don't have much say. Her house, her rules. Have you thought about having a conversation with her to see where she is coming from?

Yes, I pay her $525/mo + half Internet, that $25. So $550.

 

But still... Her house, her rules.

 

I had several conversations with her, but I never got down to the exact issue.

 

My Mom is overprotective of me. She always have been. My Dad also has a problem with her, too. She's a slight horder, and procrastinator.

[jnelsoninjax]

Can you afford to move out on your own? If so do you really want to? Have you tried to move your PC around so it is not near the door, or where ever it is that is causing her to complain? Try to have a civilized conversation with her, say "Mom, I appreciate that you are allowing me to live here. I really need to know though, what is it about my computer that bothers you? Let her know that at most it might cost $5-$10 a month in electricity use, and point out to her that shutting down at night and turning it back on in the morning uses somewhere around 5 times as much power to cold boot  then it does to stay on.

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

On 3/27/2017 at 9:10 PM, jnelsoninjax said:

Can you afford to move out on your own? If so do you really want to? Have you tried to move your PC around so it is not near the door, or where ever it is that is causing her to complain? Try to have a civilized conversation with her, say "Mom, I appreciate that you are allowing me to live here. I really need to know though, what is it about my computer that bothers you? Let her know that at most it might cost $5-$10 a month in electricity use, and point out to her that shutting down at night and turning it back on in the morning uses somewhere around 5 times as much power to cold boot  then it does to stay on.

I "could", but with ~$800/mo from SSI/SSDI, that isn't much to go on after I pay for ~$500 Rent, Internet, my cell phone, and other things, that leaves me little money for food and other necessities.

[Jim K Global Moderator]

Best thing is to talk with her.  Maybe offer to pay some of the bills (like a percentage of the electric bill)...or whatever.  Meet her somewhere in the middle...at the end of the day (I'm assuming)...you're getting free room and board so you have to play by their rules. 

[Circaflex]

Your mom sounds like every other mom, so don't feel as if you're the only one to have this type of situation. I dealt with it as well while I was in college, but the benefits (saved a ton of money) outweighed the cons IMO. My best advice would be, if you plan on moving out you should make roughly 2.5x your rent in order to live normally, ie not pay check to pay check and have enough for emergencies. 

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

Yeah, and every time I talk with her, I feel upset, because she does not see my way, ever. She has her mindset, and she doesn't budge. My Dad has this same issue with her. Anthing he suggests to her, he gets nowhere. Unless we direly, direly need it.

 

Let me give you an example. My dad told her, at least 5 times that we need a new water heater. She just whisps it off. Then, one day, our water heater breaks, and she's all mad about it, when she could have looked it up, get the best bang per buck. Also she thought that my Dad could lift that thing down to our basement. No, he needed help from my brother. He carries heavy things at a factory.

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

5 minutes ago, Circaflex said:

Your mom sounds like every other mom, so don't feel as if you're the only one to have this type of situation. I dealt with it as well while I was in college, but the benefits (saved a ton of money) outweighed the cons IMO. My best advice would be, if you plan on moving out you should make roughly 2.5x your rent in order to live normally, ie not pay check to pay check and have enough for emergencies. 

And then when that extra money goes away?

[Circaflex]

Just now, Mindovermaster said:

And then when that extra money goes away?

What is it that you are asking? If you make 2.5x your rent hopefully you are putting some away. I cant teach you how to be financially responsible.

[game_over]

Slightly off topic but is $550 rent to parents average in America?

 

Here in the UK I paid my parents £100/mo ($125). This was considered the low end of the scale in my area.. some friends paid up to £200 ($250) still less than half what you pay.

 

If I was paying out such a huge chunk of my pay packet I would be looking at ways to live on my own...or demanding she shut up over little things like leaving the TV on.

[SoCalRox]

Simple.

 

1. Grow up. (ummm... as in "reach 18 years of age" not "grow up and stop whining" way of saying it)

2. Once grown, move out.

3. While living in her home, her rules apply. You need not agree with them.

 

Welcome to the same thing we all went through growing up- parents we think are unreasonable.

[Tomoko]

All I know is I would rather live in a carboard box in an alley than ever move back in with my parents; I would go absolutely insane.

 

Honestly I think the best thing you could do is get your own place, and if money is that tight you could probably do without a few luxuries (even the internet if need be, it's not really a necessity) until your income situation improves. Either that or maybe just close your door all the way at night so the light won't disturb her.

[Circaflex]

3 minutes ago, game_over said:

Slightly off topic but is $550 rent to parents average in America?

 

Here in the UK I paid my parents £100/mo ($125). This was considered the low end of the scale in my area.. some friends paid up to £200 ($250) still less than half what you pay.

 

If I was paying out such a huge chunk of my pay packet I would be looking at ways to live on my own...or demanding she shut up over little things like leaving the TV on.

It is fairly normal, but that also might depend on the state. I think I was paying 400-500 while I was in college, which is a huge bargain in the area I live in. Single studios out here go for minimum $900 in a "decent" area. So while, that might seem like a lot, it isn't enough to live on your own, at least in my area.

[SoCalRox]

2 minutes ago, game_over said:

Slightly off topic but is $550 rent to parents average in America?

 

Here in the UK I paid my parents £100/mo ($125). This was considered the low end of the scale in my area.. some friends paid up to £200 ($250) still less than half what you pay.

 

If I was paying out such a huge chunk of my pay packet I would be looking at ways to live on my own...or demanding she shut up over little things like leaving the TV on.

If my daughter had told me to shut up, or my stepson tried, they would find their things on the front porch and the door locked, with their keys in my hand. Even if you pay rent, that does not give you a right to be rude to your parents, and it doesn't mean you get to set your own rules.

 

As to $550... it depends on the house and where it is. Lots of variables.

[TAZMINATOR]

10 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

And then when that extra money goes away?

I doubt it but try to tell her that she's imagining in her mind ... 

 

Tell her that your monitor goes off after the movie finishes.    Ask her if this bothers her, kindly ask her to close her door so she wouldn't worry about it. Including your door.

 

If not working, then there is only way to solve this is move out on your own if you can find a place based on your budget. If not, get a place that you can share with somebody so you both can split the bills.

 

If she doesn't believe this, ask her to come up after 2 hours after you start a movie.  She will see it in action then she will believe you from now on.

 

If your room has window, then she might be thinking of the glare is coming from the window such as lamppost/streetlight...  something like that... If so, you can cover the window with dark sheet or towel depends on how big the window is.

[Mindovermaster Moderator]

@Circaflex What can I do with $800/mo, and for SSI, I can't have more than $2000 in my banking account. I don't work.

 

@game_over I pay her $525, plus $25, half of Internet cost. So $550

 

@SoCalRox I would if I could, but I can't drive. I don't work. So there's almost no income. I'm also afraid to be alone, this happened ever since I started having seizures.

 

@Rigby My income will never change, except from cost of living stuff...