Simplicity.


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Okay, Mock exams out the way. Got an A for my english. Question was, to write about anything. But it MUST include some place you can relate to. I... well just read please. It's a bit of a surrealist piece, and a bit long for most people here. But I enjoyed writing it :p. Bloody annoyed though, I was 4 marks from an A*! :cry:

Simplicity.

Simplicity, I adore it. It's described by those who are close minded as 'nothingness'. They're wrong. To me, being simplistic is like being open minded - which is why close minded people wouldn't understand. And as the great Winston Churchill said, ?Sometimes the simple ideas are the ones that work best?. Following that, my place of choice is an art gallery. They are elegant, simple and hold the most beautiful art ever created. The art gallery itself does not change. But your state of mind upon entrance creates a whole new outlook.

It's 2pm and you walk into the gallery. You enter into a world of art, and exit from the world of art. You walk in with the thought of the outside world fresh in your mind. The bright amber glowing sun, rolling clouds and the grass which is and always has been the greener grass on the other side. You're in the art gallery, it's crowded, crowded yet silent. Sometimes your favourite piece is overcrowded by other self-confessed art fanatics. You don't mind, instead, you view something else. You see an art piece. It's extremely large, with a small silhouette of a person stood in the bottom left corner. Thats it, the rest is just a blank canvas. But that isn't what you see...

The canvas lightens up with a remenisant blue, clouds appear and a hill, a hill with the most lush green spread of grass you've ever seen. Where did this come from? It came from outside. You see, simplicity isn't about a white bit of space which serves no purpose. It's a canvas for your imagination. The outside still fresh in your mind was refreshed and displayed in a blank canvas with a small silhouette of a man in it. What's the man doing? He's walking into an art gallery. He sees the crowd huddling his favourite piece of art, so he goes to another. It's a blank canvas with the silhouette of a man in the bottom left...

You see imagination is a great thing, and the most simplest of things can spark off something wonderful and as I relate back to Winston once more. You can see why I love simplicity - ?Sometimes the simple ideas are the ones that work best.?.

Ok so it's 11:40pm and you decide to go to the art gallery once again. It's dark outside, with only the bright moon and twinkling stars to air you through the entrance. You walk in, once again with the outside fresh in your mind. But it's different, it's not busy at all. Infact there is no one there. It's silent, but it's not like the silence before. It's somehow different. You look at your feet as you walk, all you can see is the bright white floor. All you can hear is your footsteps on the marble surface. All of a sudden, the floor caves in, you fall into black and you appear hack into the art gallery. Only it's different, it's black. It's all black. Only the art is the same. Almost suddenly there's a light, a light so bright that the floors, the walls, everything is white again. You're back. Not in the art gallery. But back into reality. Your eyes aren't focused. Take a minute.

Focused now? Good. What a lot of fun it is to stare at that white washed ceiling. Time to turn off the imagination creator.

Go ahead, turn off your TV...

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Not bad, not A* material and very short for an English examination piece - what level is this? SAT/GCSE/A-Level?

it was 1 part of the GCSE exam. This part specifically got an A. I got an over-all B

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it was 1 part of the GCSE exam. This part specifically got an A. I got an over-all B

In the UK as I think you are in your a yr10 your either 14/15yrs old, and if im not mistaken you do your GCSE's in yr11 when your 16.

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In the UK as I think you are in your a yr10 your either 14/15yrs old, and if im not mistaken you do your GCSE's in yr11 when your 16.

I'm 15. And as I said in my original post. It was mocks. So please just leave this thread.

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Okay, Mock exams out the way. Got an A for my english. Question was, to write about anything. But it MUST include some place you can relate to. I... well just read please. It's a bit of a surrealist piece, and a bit long for most people here. But I enjoyed writing it :p. Bloody annoyed though, I was 4 marks from an A*!  :cry:

Simplicity.

Simplicity, I adore it. It's described by those who are close minded as 'nothingness'. They're wrong. To me, being simplistic is like being open minded - which is why close minded people wouldn't understand. And as the great Winston Churchill said, ?Sometimes the simple ideas are the ones that work best?. Following that, my place of choice is an art gallery. They are elegant, simple and hold the most beautiful art ever created. The art gallery itself does not change. But your state of mind upon entrance creates a whole new outlook.

It's 2pm and you walk into the gallery. You enter into a world of art, and exit from the world of art. You walk in with the thought of the outside world fresh in your mind. The bright amber glowing sun, rolling clouds and the grass which is and always has been the greener grass on the other side. You're in the art gallery, it's crowded, crowded yet silent. Sometimes your favourite piece is overcrowded by other self-confessed art fanatics. You don't mind, instead, you view something else. You see an art piece. It's extremely large, with a small silhouette of a person stood in the bottom left corner. Thats it, the rest is just a blank canvas. But that isn't what you see...

The canvas lightens up with a remenisant blue, clouds appear and a hill, a hill with the most lush green spread of grass you've ever seen. Where did this come from? It came from outside. You see, simplicity isn't about a white bit of space which serves no purpose. It's a canvas for your imagination. The outside still fresh in your mind was refreshed and displayed in a blank canvas with a small silhouette of a man in it. What's the man doing? He's walking into an art gallery. He sees the crowd huddling his favourite piece of art, so he goes to another. It's a blank canvas with the silhouette of a man in the bottom left...

You see imagination is a great thing, and the most simplest of things can spark off something wonderful and as I relate back to Winston once more. You can see why I love simplicity - ?Sometimes the simple ideas are the ones that work best.?.

Ok so it's 11:40pm and you decide to go to the art gallery once again. It's dark outside, with only the bright moon and twinkling stars to air you through the entrance. You walk in, once again with the outside fresh in your mind. But it's different, it's not busy at all. Infact there is no one there. It's silent, but it's not like the silence before. It's somehow different. You look at your feet as you walk, all you can see is the bright white floor. All you can hear is your footsteps on the marble surface. All of a sudden, the floor caves in, you fall into black and you appear hack into the art gallery. Only it's different, it's black. It's all black. Only the art is the same. Almost suddenly there's a light, a light so bright that the floors, the walls, everything is white again. You're back. Not in the art gallery. But back into reality. Your eyes aren't focused. Take a minute.

Focused now? Good. What a lot of fun it is to stare at that white washed ceiling. Time to turn off the imagination creator.

Go ahead, turn off your TV...

i like it. its really original. however you asked for critiques so here goes

its pretty good (Y)rall (Y). however it seems more like a writers monolouge - like your speech - rather than literature.

To me, being simplistic is like being open minded - which is why close minded people wouldn't understand.
the 'to me' makes it sound like youre talking - not writing
Following that, my place of choice is an art gallery. They are elegant, simple and hold the most beautiful art ever created. The art gallery itself does not change. But your state of mind upon entrance creates a whole new outlook.

ok, id take out that first sentence. you dont want to explain your writing. it should speak for itself. the sentences after should be in a new paragraph similar toArt galleries - the elegant, simple places which hold the most beautiful art ever created* ed* <. The art gallery itself does not change. Your state of mind upon entrance creates a whole new outlook.ook.

*you can most likely take poetic liscense there

You're in the art gallery, it's crowded, crowded yet silent.
i know its fine tuning, but this is what really makes your piece. youd want You step inside. Its crowded yet silent.ent.

the 'you're in' really disrupts the flow you had going

It came from outside. You see, simplicity isn't about a white bit of space which serves no purpose.

you usually dont want to answer your questions so obviously - again let the piece explain itself. after that, 'you see' should start a new paragraph.

Ok so it's 11:40pm and you decide to go to the art gallery once again.
you dont want that 'ok' there. it makes it sound more like your speech.
Focused now? Good. What a lot of fun it is to stare at that white washed ceiling. Time to turn off the imagination creator.

Go ahead, turn off your TV...

that really has nothing to do with your piece. it is an afterthought. just really unnecessary

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ok well sorry for picking it apart, but the fine tuning is what really makes the piece. im sure you dont want the advice of some 14 year :blush: :blush:, but im just trying to help.

-will

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Thank's EVER so much ethereal - You've no idea how much that has helped. I'm also using this as part of my Original Writing coursework so this is going to help mucho.

Again, THANKS. Real big thanks!

Grant!

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