Did Your Parents Abuse You?


Did Your Parents Abuse You?  

348 members have voted

  1. 1. Did Your Parents Abuse You?

    • Yes - Verbally
      26
    • Yes - Physically
      24
    • Yes - Sexually
      5
    • Yes - A combination of the above
      24
    • No
      269


Recommended Posts

I would have to say I am lucky to have the parents I do... Honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. My mom and dad are the best people I know. I only wish they knew I thought that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm the product of a bi-cultural environment. In my parents culture it's socially acceptable to physically and emotionally punish the child, thus i was subject to those strict traditions even while living in a culture were it's looked upon as unacceptable and illegal. but as time pasted, my parents realized for numerous reasons those were one of the few negative qualities they had to drop. I don't blame my parents for the abuse the put me thru, because i can sympathizes where they came from and what they had to go thru to get here. They did give me life and i could of had it worse, so i am thankful for those experiences that helped shaped me to whom i am today. Point being, they were able to learn from their mistakes and correct unhealthy behavior for their sake and the family's. So to me, that's a big feet in of it's self for a "old dog to learn a new trick" to coin the phrase. I'm hoping that i'm big enough to not carry on those "ghost" that my parents have unwillingly pasted on to me by virture of habits onto my offspring.

/me knocks on wood

Edited by fr8t
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can understand sexual abuse in this poll but D is a stupid ass option. D should be A and B, not A, B and C.

Yes, my parents abused me verbally and physically. Then I grew up and let them have a piece of it themselves. Sure paved the way for my younger brother, he had it easy after I taught them a thing or two.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lucky. If I said something "offensive" to my parents I'd get punched in the face.

Looking back, just saying that in a sentance makes me laugh now. Bah to emotional scarring, just make a joke of your past. :p

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly.

I am not afraid of stand up arguments or to speak my mind when it's called for. And I won't tolerate bullying from anyone because it harks back to my oh so happy childhood.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In all honesty - by today's definitions - yes. BUT I don't hold it against them - they did their best and didn't know how to deal with a child.

My father was ok. As a kid, I thought he was mean, but he was really the fairest parent I had. My mother left him when I was 7 and remarried my stepfather (David). This was all dealt with very badly. I knew about David visiting my mum when my dad was away, and heck we even went away with him. Looking back, that's a ****ing aweful situation to put a child in.

David was never mentally abusive, nor would I really say he was physically abusive, but he had heavy hands, and voilence was his solution. The guy never wanted to listen to reason, and a slap to end the conversation was his way of dealing with things. Still the tables turned when I learned how to fight back (I NEVER started anything, but was able to put him on the ground simply by blocks and sweeps).

My mother was the worrying one. I've never known such a control freak. She basically loses her temper, doesn't know how to deal, and so lashes out. I recall going to school with lots of little dots on my cheek where I had been slapped with the pointy end of a hairbrush. Or having my head held under water for getting the 5 times table wrong. She would dig her nails into my arm to "teach me a lesson" or such. Really though the violence I have no major issue with (except I am now scared as to how I will be around my future kids).

My real issue with her is how she just messed me up in a few ways. I have self-esteem issues, big time. I was always being told "Be careful who your friends are, because everyone will be after your money", "They're not really your friends, they are taking the mickey" - that sort of thing. It still continues - a few years back I went for a job in a legal firm as their web developer - I was told the position was too junior for me. I tell her and she's all "Yeah you think you're so brainy you think you're too clever to work with lawyers. Listen to yourself...".

This is why, when I was bullied at school (for 12 or so years) - I had NOBODY to turn to, because I knew my parents would laugh.

I KNOW she's the one with issues, I know it shouldn't affect me, but it does. I now worry about rejection the WHOLE time. Cheers mum!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well i will answer honestly:

My sister was sexually abused by a peado at a very young age. After a few years my parents found out and took the matter to CID. Nothing ever happened because the perv was too old. This made the guy think he could get away with anything and he started geting a little out of control standing outside our house waving to my sister and telling her to come out. When my mum saw him and old him to get lost or she would call the police he started getting all strange with her.

My dad came home, saw him and chased him. After that we never saw him again and we dont quite know what happened. The guy was in the paper as dead about 10 years later.

Because this happened in a day when this kind of thing was not talked about and it was not accepted that this would ever happen, the police treated my sister as though she was the one in the wrong and she must have made the old man think it was what she wanted.

This caused a great lack of respect from my sister to the police and she started to rebel in her teenage years and became a little nutty.

My mum also had depression after i was born, which again, the doctors did not quite know how to handle. She started to hit my sister with her fists and pull her across the room by her hair just because she couldnt find her shoe for school etc.

They also did not trust my sister around me when i was born, because they always got told someone who was abused will become an abuser.

My sister always wanted to look after and protect me because of her past, so she was extra protective of me. But when ever she went near me, my mum would beat the crap out of her and tell her she is a bad person.

As i got older, i was naughty, because my parents main focus was on controling my sisters bad behavour, even though it was my mum who was making the situation much worse. So as i got more naughty my mum started to disipline me the same way she would my sister. It didnt help that i knew what had happened o my sister from a very young age. This made me feel i had to look after my sister as she felt she had to look after me so our bond was very strong which my mum didnt like because of the reason i sai above.

So she started to hit me, it got to the point where she didnt send me to school for a week because my back was brused where she hit me with a high healed shoe... with the heal!

Eventually i got older and the last time she tried to hit me i pushed her against a wall and held her arms tight. I told her never to try hitting me again and that i wouldnt let go until she stopped. After that my dad found out and he smacked me once in a very controlled fasion.

After that things got a lot better and the hitting of both my sister and i stopped. Now we all know what happened in the past and that is all left there in the past. The only people who dont know are my eldest sister who missed it all and my dad who although he knows she wasnt a perfect mother to us, does not know the extent of the abuse my sister and i went through.

My sister is still a little screwed up and still has times where she has flash backs of her past, but more on what happened with that old man than my mum. Smells and songs bring back nasty memories, but all we can do is sit there and cuddle her and tell her its ok. She is perminantly effected because there where no specialists on this kind of thing then and nothing will help her now.

Appart from all this we both turned out ok. I have a good job in IT and place and a lovely girlfriend. My sister has a place a teaching job and 2 lovely children, who she gives everything she can to. They are not spoilt but do not go without and are loved and looked after perfectly.

I have no problems talking about my past and my sister neither. The onyl thing she does not go in to is what happened with the old guy. She has only ever told me exactly what and that is between me and her and no one else need ever know.

My dad never ever hit us as we grew up even though he had me and my sister telling him what our mum was like and had my mum arguing because she didnt want him to believe us. He smacked us, but in the most controled of fasions. We knew when it was comeing and that it would be only once, but it was enough for us to respec him and not cross that line.

We had a fight once and he still never hit me. He just got me in such a possition i couldnt move, then held me there until i calmed down.

I love both my parents and have a good relationship with them now.

In all honesty - by today's definitions - yes. BUT I don't hold it against them - they did their best and didn't know how to deal with a child.

My father was ok. As a kid, I thought he was mean, but he was really the fairest parent I had. My mother left him when I was 7 and remarried my stepfather (David). This was all dealt with very badly. I knew about David visiting my mum when my dad was away, and heck we even went away with him. Looking back, that's a ****ing aweful situation to put a child in.

David was never mentally abusive, nor would I really say he was physically abusive, but he had heavy hands, and voilence was his solution. The guy never wanted to listen to reason, and a slap to end the conversation was his way of dealing with things. Still the tables turned when I learned how to fight back (I NEVER started anything, but was able to put him on the ground simply by blocks and sweeps).

My mother was the worrying one. I've never known such a control freak. She basically loses her temper, doesn't know how to deal, and so lashes out. I recall going to school with lots of little dots on my cheek where I had been slapped with the pointy end of a hairbrush. Or having my head held under water for getting the 5 times table wrong. She would dig her nails into my arm to "teach me a lesson" or such. Really though the violence I have no major issue with (except I am now scared as to how I will be around my future kids).

My real issue with her is how she just messed me up in a few ways. I have self-esteem issues, big time. I was always being told "Be careful who your friends are, because everyone will be after your money", "They're not really your friends, they are taking the mickey" - that sort of thing. It still continues - a few years back I went for a job in a legal firm as their web developer - I was told the position was too junior for me. I tell her and she's all "Yeah you think you're so brainy you think you're too clever to work with lawyers. Listen to yourself...".

This is why, when I was bullied at school (for 12 or so years) - I had NOBODY to turn to, because I knew my parents would laugh.

I KNOW she's the one with issues, I know it shouldn't affect me, but it does. I now worry about rejection the WHOLE time. Cheers mum!

Dont worry about your kids etc. You will treat them much differently to how your parents treated you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...as a teenager I used to think my father was verbaly absuing me but as I got older I realized he wasn't and was only trying to steer me in the right direction in life. I am thankful I had strickt parents and in no way did they ever abuse me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

o snap! i had so much problems as a smaller child. my dad used to have such a short fuse and used to use the strap. i used to ac outagainst it. then my rents' tricked me into going to this "special" school were they would lock us in a room if we were bad and we werent allowed to go out for reccess with the other kids..it was horrible and totally ****ed up my life . but my dad finally quit hitting me after i kicked his ass with a bat. ****er. shortly after my parents broke up

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...as a teenager I used to think my father was verbaly absuing me but as I got older I realized he wasn't and was only trying to steer me in the right direction in life. I am thankful I had strickt parents and in no way did they ever abuse me.

Yeah in todays day and age you need to be carefull of what is abuse and what is a parent ust pushing their child in the right direction.

Even though i have a different past, i still think that today the child has to much right over the parents and the parents are unable to lookafter their child as they see fit. Smacking is now banned in the UK yet if i had children and they went out and mugged an old man, i would ground them for months, give them a good smack and set them a whole number of chorse and restrictions like no TV etc.

Then again i would hope my children would be bought up to respect the elderly as i do and not go round in gangs doing mindless and pointless crimes.

o snap! i had so much problems as a smaller child. my dad used to have such a short fuse and used to use the strap. i used to ac outagainst it. then my rents' tricked me into going to this "special" school were they would lock us in a room if we were bad and we werent allowed to go out for reccess with the other kids..it was horrible and totally ****ed up my life . but my dad finally quit hitting me after i kicked his ass with a bat. ****er. shortly after my parents broke up

Maybe he shouldnt have used the strap, i agree.

Maybe it is just how your post is written, but you sound like you had disiplin issues anyway. I do not think that being locked in a room and not being allowed out at recess if you are bad is a bad thing at all. This was expected in my school and you would be made to write lines on the board until your arm hurt.

This gave us respect to the teachers and if they told us to do it, we would.

I dont think that kicking his ass with a bat was a good idea, but then if you have been met with violence all your life like that then it is only to be expected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would have to say I am lucky to have the parents I do... Honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. My mom and dad are the best people I know. I only wish they knew I thought that.

Same, I couldn't ask for better parents :D I just wish they knew this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not going to bother with long drawn out stories. Heres the point, I was beat physically almost everyday.

I just got fed up and went to the cops one day. I was around 9.

That took a lot of guts at your age. Im also surprised they took you seriously and followed it up etc.

My nephew has never been smacked by my sister or his dad, but he went to the police once instead of school to tell them they where being horrible to him.

All they did was say he was grounded the night before because he threw a toy across the foor and hit my younger nephew in the head when they told him to eat his dinner.

Basically he got it in the ear from the police, my parents and his parents and an even longer grounding and a load of detentions from school.

All i did was laugh at him for a month or so :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, my parents loved me.

Dude,

Just because someone gets hit by their parents does not mean they didnt love them. There could be any number of reasons a parent hits their child, non love is just one.

My mum loves me, so there is proof enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My name is It.

:o :huh: ;)

Weird book. Guys rich now. Ironic. :blink:

Why is it ironic? He made money out of the story of his past when he was abused? Why shouldnt he make money out of it?

Dont some famous people make money by selling their biography?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is it ironic? He made money out of the story of his past when he was abused? Why shouldnt he make money out of it?

Dont some famous people make money by selling their biography?

I just think its ironic that all his pain and suffering allowed him to succeed as an author.

I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it. Of course he does.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just think its ironic that all his pain and suffering allowed him to succeed as an author.

I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it. Of course he does.

Ah yeah, i see your point. I suppose i is quite strange. To a degree she made him a millionaire through her own twisted ways.

Whats worying is that a lot of people read this book because they enjoy the feeling they get when they read it. They dont enjoy the fact it happened but the fact it didnt happen to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The book you are referring to is "A Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer. (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0752837508/qid=1137508930/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl/203-7386594-2667169)

And as sucessful a writer he has become (3 books) - he still has major issues. I've read all 3 and there is no way his sucess (which isn't as great as some are making out) in any way compensates for the abuse he had. Hell, stabbed by his mother, then having to deal with the pain, etc as she denied him access to medical attention...

Then later in life, a string of abusive (mentall) friends and partners. Poor sod.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.