snyper Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 PKF COMPANY POLICY - EFFECTIVE FROM July 2006 Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Bereavement Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shof Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 lol....nice policy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snyper Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 Ah, yes, i was disappointed when they were intriduced....bit tough!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!O99Y! Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 lol nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexus Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Heard it before, BUT its still a awesome classic. I'm sure many businesses would like to actually implement most of those as policies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuxi Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Hehe :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Allen Veteran Posted July 26, 2006 Veteran Share Posted July 26, 2006 Always liked this one (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferret Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 "Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy." ROFLMAO :p I've seen this before, but it's still just as funny :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kreuger Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 3 minutes to drop the kids in the pool? wow..haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazzy88ss Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 LOL that was good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quadz0 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Anyone caught smiling in the picturewill be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deuz Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 nice man nice XD XD :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snyper Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 *snyper takes a bow* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin-uk Veteran Posted July 27, 2006 Veteran Share Posted July 27, 2006 LOL :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number13 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 hehe, nice policy...hope my company doesn't apply it ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
etiwanda Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Lol, nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Lyle Global Moderator Posted July 29, 2006 Global Moderator Share Posted July 29, 2006 i like the sick days one (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigGiantHead Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 Absolutely. The sick days one was the best. Thanx for posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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