z1ppeh Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 A prostitute is lying in bed between tricks studying a dictionary. A koala bear enters through the window and performs oral sex on her. When the koala turns to depart, the prostitue says, "Hey, wait a minute." The koala looks at her, puzzled. "I'm a prostitute." says the prostitute. Still, the koala appears clueless. The prostitute turns to the entry for prostitute in the dictionary. The koala reads, "Prostitute: Person who engaged in sex for money." The koala then takes the dictionary, turns to the entry for "koala" and hands it to the prostitue, who reads: "Koala: Australian marsupial that eats bushes and leaves." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z1ppeh Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours." The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh,' and she socked me a good one." The first guy replies, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister, too! I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed beeyotch.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keldyn Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 Oh that is gross... :x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z1ppeh Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Dave with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!", says Dave, "When are you going out?" "Well, I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible.", says Dave. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, sexiest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" Paul slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z1ppeh Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 Im just abt to finish work, and im laughing my pants off ! im reeling these off an email i just got, they are SO funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z1ppeh Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 A guy walks into a bar, orders a scotch and soda and puts a frog on the bar. The bartender gives him the drink and asks what the frog's for? The guy snaps his fingers and the frog jumps down and blows the man. The bartender is amazed, and asks to see that again. So the guy a second time snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the man, and hops back on the bar. The bartender is astounded, he offers the guy $3000 for the frog. The man of course accepts, and gives the frog to the bartender. The bartender, after his shift, goes home. he's sitting in his kitchen, calls his wife over, says he has something to show her. His wife walks in, the bartender takes the frog out of his pocket, puts it on the table, snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the bartender and hops back on the kitchen table. The wife asks, "why the hell are you showing me this?" The bartender says, "cause you're going to teach him how to cook and then you're gonna get the **** outta here." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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