NEW DISEASE BREAKOUT - B.A.R.S.


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The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about

B.A.R.S. (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome).

A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world. The

disease, identified as B.A.R.S. (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome)

affects people of many different ages.

Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to affect

people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who just congregate. It is

not known how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion

people world-wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing every

day.

Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 6:00pm to

consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most keenly felt on

Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly,

singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even

towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and

unprovoked arguing.

In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak

incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing

and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensues, usually

accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!" or

"Wanna see how fast it goes??"

If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine

yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or all the symptoms

have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear at very

short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday.

Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost property,

killer headaches and divorce.

On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.

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i think i suffer from this

:pint: <- beer

:beer: <- me drinking beer

:clock: <- many hours passing

:beer: <- me still drinking

:x <- me had a bit too much beer

:sleep: <- me in drunken slumber

:sun: <- morning comes

:fro: <- i have big hair in the morning <edit> and sunglasses? </edit>

:pint: <- breakfast

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i think i suffer from this

:pint: <- beer

:beer: <- me drinking beer

:clock: <- many hours passing

:beer: <- me still drinking

:x <- me had a bit too much beer

:sleep: <- me in drunken slumber

:sun: <- morning comes

:fro: <- i have big hair in the morning <edit> and sunglasses? </edit>

:pint: <- breakfast

Good explanations! (Y) :D

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