Definitions


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Just got this from email recently...

BANKER:

Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it

back when it starts to rain.

BOY SCOUT:

A child dressed like an ###### under the leadership of an a**hole dressed

like a child.

CONSULTANT:

Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges

you for it.

DIPLOMAT:

Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start

the journey.

ECONOMIST:

An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday

didn't happen today.

FRIEND:

Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi"

which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..

PESSIMIST:

Optimist with experience

PROGRAMMER:

Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't

understand.

PRIEST:

Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him

"uncle".

PSYCHOLOGIST:

Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

STATISTICIAN:

Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an

engineer.

UROLOGIST:

Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then

charges you as if he'd sucked it.

LOVE:

Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.

DANCING:

The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.

HEADACHE:

Method of contraception most widely used by women.

INTELLECTUAL:

Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than

sex.

PITIFUL:

Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.

TONGUE:

Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.

MONOGAMY:

Repressed polygamy.

NANOSECOND:

Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car

behind honking its horn.

NYMPHOMANIAC:

Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.

TEAMWORK:

The possibility of putting the blame on others.

INTERVIEW:

That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.

ETERNITY:

Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her

in her house.

EASY:

Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.

HARDWARE:

The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.

IMPATIENCE:

Waiting in a hurry.

INDIFFERENCE:

Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest;

interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

QUANTUM PHYSICS:

A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat ~~

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Alteeza you are the reason I subscribe to the jokes forum.

I love those quotes

Espescially the urologist definition.And yes headaches is the best method of contraception. :)

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