altezza Veteran Posted June 12, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 12, 2003 Just got this from email recently... BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain. BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an ###### under the leadership of an a**hole dressed like a child. CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it. DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey. ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them.. PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle". PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room. STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer. UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it. LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire. HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women. INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than sex. PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose. TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech. MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy. NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn. NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does. TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others. INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs. ETERNITY: Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house. EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man. HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions. IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry. INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get". QUANTUM PHYSICS: A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat ~~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramesees Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 lol, these are good :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tengcm Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 haha, very nice ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pctuk Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Excellent! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawtai Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
do_ob Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 lol... they should put these in a book called "The seriously actual real-world Dictionary". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMeK Veteran Posted June 12, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 12, 2003 they are wicked :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IlliniPi Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Quite interesting, although I would really call it funny. :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Ok. Good. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherTon Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Alteeza you are the reason I subscribe to the jokes forum. I love those quotes Espescially the urologist definition.And yes headaches is the best method of contraception. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Quite interesting, although I would really call it funny. :unsure: I'm with you on that point. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldmate15 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 haha nice find Altezza. It was a funny read :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kryptonik Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deimos Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 haha those are great :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 hahahaha, cool :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
equinox_76 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 BANKER: Someone who will lend you money if you can proove him you absolutely don't need it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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