qdave Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 Religious Sports Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lost race after race. They practiced and practiced for hours every day, but never managed to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the Dean of the Yeshiva decided to send Yankel to spy on the championship Harvard team. So Yankel schlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the bushes of the Charles River, from where he carefully watched the Harvard team as they practiced. After two weeks Yankel finally returned to Yeshiva. "I have figured out their secret," he announced. "What? Tell us what," they all wanted to know. "We should have only one guy shouting; the other eight should row." Commandments Bernie and Esther were not the most religious couple and in fact they really only went to synagogue once a year. As they were leaving the synagogue, the Rabbi said, "Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!" "I know," replied Bernie, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments." "That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments." "Yep," Bernie said proudly, "Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four." --------------------------------------- Tax time A young hotshot gets a job with Revenue Canada. His first assignment is to audit an old rabbi. He thinks he'll have a little fun with the old Rabbi, so he says, "What do you do with the drippings from the candles hat you light every Friday night?" The rabbi says, "We send them to the candle factory, and every once in a while they send us a free candle." The kid says, "And what do you do with the crumbs from the table?" The rabbi says, "We send them to the motzoh ball factory and every once in a while they send us a free box of motzoh balls." The kid says, "What do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?" The rabbi says, "We send them to Revenue Canada, and every once in a while they send us a little "guys" like you." =============================== THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE Stuart prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stuart to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stuart's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out." -------------------------------- A rabbi was walking home one day when he noticed a congregant walking ahead of him. The rabbi hurried to catch up as he had some important matters to discuss. Much to his dismay, the rabbi saw that the congregant had entered a Rib Joint. The rabbi couldn't believe his eyes. He looked again and saw the congregant pointing to the menu and talking to the waiter. He looked again and saw the waiter deliver a slab of pork ribs to the congregant. Then he saw the congregant take the ribs and start eating the non Kosher meal. The rabbi could no longer contain himself. He burst into the restaurant and said, "Moshe, what are you doing?" Moshe looked up and said to the rabbi, "I don't understand." The rabbi said, "I just saw you, Moshe, one of my most holy congregants, with all this non Kosher food!" Moshe said, "Rabbi, did you see me come into this Restaurant?" "Yes, I did," replied the Rabbi. "Did you see me order the food? "Yes, I did" said the rabbi. "Did you see me eat the food?" "Of course I did! Why do you think I barged in here?" "Well, then," said Moshe, "I don't see the problem. It was all done under rabbinical supervision!" ---------------------------------------------- Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered," The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded," The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterYoda522 Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 France rocks!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qdave Posted June 15, 2003 Author Share Posted June 15, 2003 heheh,indeed :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cesardrgn Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 not bad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
session Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 LOL funny, like the spaghetti one :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecowgoesmoo207 Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 nice work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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