A day at mass...


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Even though this will turn in to a religious flamewar...

10:00 am - Reflections upon a Faithful Ministry.

10:05 am - Song: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."

10:07 am - Father Fred Drapier introduced; crowd should chant the special priest welcoming words. If you don't know them, fake lip synching.

10:10 am - The Gospel of Saint Mark (351.28 - 2938:28a).

10:14 am - Father Fred Drapier makes some casual remarks that you're supposed to pretend you find interesting. Failure to pretend will result in eternal banishment to hell.

10:17 am - The Gospel of Saint John (14.001j - 3.14159).

10:21 am - Faithful Reflections of our Ministry.

10:25 am - Kneel, sit, stand, sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, twirl your partner, dosado, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

10:28 am - Give $40 to the collection plate. This will help pay court costs during up coming child molestation trials.

10:31 am - Song: "Jesus, Oh Jesus, Jesus my Jesus."

10:38 am - The Gospel of Saint Elsewhere (981.83 - the largest prime number known to man).

10:42 am - Sit, kneel, stand, kneel, sit, rotate, sit, kneel, stand, kneel, lay down and fake death.

10:44 am - Come on down the aisle to receive your complimentary wine and crackers which you're supposed to pretend are body parts of a dead guy.

10:51 am - Song: "Jesus, the Jesus of Our Jesus is a Jesus Jesus."

10:54 am - Reflective Ministries of Our Faith.

10:55 am - Start getting all fidgety because you know we're about to let you all go.

10:56 am - Father Fred Drapier talks too long about Jesus and makes everybody really restless.

11:09 am - Congregation may now go in peace. Gossiping about other families is permitted once you've entered your car and began driving away.

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the only one that is a bit funny is this one man

10:42 am - Sit, kneel, stand, kneel, sit, rotate, sit, kneel, stand, kneel, lay down and fake death.

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