radioboy Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered priceless figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning glove from shed, force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture store on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLegendOfMart Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 lol thats funny, but true ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liquid Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 ahah soo true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoz7120 Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 Really funny.... just reminds me of the last time I had to try and get my cat to take a tablet. result cat 1 Me 0.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z1ppeh Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 lol, u should see my gf in action. open cats mouth, shove it in with finger to back of cats throat, ram mouth shut, hold for 10 seconds and speak nicely to it... cat has no chance tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMeK Veteran Posted June 15, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 15, 2003 i always find it easier to put the pill in the cats food and let it eat it, (the fool) the toothpaste for cats is the best you have to put it on their paw, so they have to lick it of, when you do they hobble around trying not to use that paw, so to tease them you put toothpaste on both paws :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :D :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
altezza Veteran Posted June 15, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 15, 2003 Lol...that's pretty good :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pina_colada Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 lol good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elliott Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 So true. Stuck up little animals. I love dogs. :happy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven P. Administrators Posted June 16, 2003 Administrators Share Posted June 16, 2003 i always find it easier to put the pill in the cats food and let it eat it, (the fool)the toothpaste for cats is the best you have to put it on their paw, so they have to lick it of, when you do they hobble around trying not to use that paw, so to tease them you put toothpaste on both paws :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :D :laugh: LOL thats a classic :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecowgoesmoo207 Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 haha :woot: :rofl: thats great, this one belongs in a hall of fame :rofl: :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 lol? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memNOC Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 hahahh this is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
do_ob Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 i love step 15! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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