Cara Veteran Posted June 26, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 26, 2003 For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity: 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Is there another word for synonym? 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? 13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 21. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 23. How do they get deer to cross at a yellow road sign? 24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny. 25. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 26. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. 27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 29. How is it possible to have a civil war? 30. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? 31. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? 32. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 33. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? 34. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 35. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 36. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 37. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? 38. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RadishTM Veteran Posted June 26, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 26, 2003 21, 30 & 37 = LOL :laugh: .... Radish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMeK Veteran Posted June 26, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 26, 2003 3,4,5 are my favs :D :rofl: nice post cara (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Dick Montage Subscriber² Posted June 26, 2003 Subscriber² Share Posted June 26, 2003 No. 9 = Yeah probably! And all the trees, animals and everything else would STILL be HIS fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpanda Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 nice read for me... (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawtai Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 lol nice list! #14, 30 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macster Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 LOL very funny and clever :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banjo Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 http://www.crazythoughts.com :rofl: I love these! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quboid Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? That really f**kin' annoys me. Learn what evolution is before trying to be clever. Gah! Not mad at you Cara, just whoever dreamed up that crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keldyn Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 heh heh Nice post! Some good stuff there (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleeper Veteran Posted June 26, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 26, 2003 hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOOPAH256 Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 That really f**kin' annoys me. Learn what evolution is before trying to be clever. Gah! lol, you sound like "Red Ross"... from Friends :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[hxc] Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 hehe thats a great list, i'm gonna print it off and post it at work :) thanks cara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetRiverBaynes Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 How come it was called the Cosby Show when Billy Cosby's character was named Heathcliff Huxtible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deimos Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 haha nice. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMan Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 5 :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loc[a]lhost Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 (Y) (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xpatx Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Veteran Posted June 26, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 26, 2003 i thought about some of these and explained what i could :unsure: :p 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? not true. humans share the same ancestors as primates. :yes: 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? afaik, someone with multiple personalities is only experiencing one "personality" at once, so this couldn't happen. 21. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? because of maranda rights, i think they have to. :laugh: 22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? yeah, and outside bathrooms at some public places (airports esp). wtf? 26. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. :woot: LOL :laugh: 28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? :rofl: :shifty: 29. How is it possible to have a civil war? with civilians :huh: 33. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? :/ 36. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? i saw some video about this in my senior english class. i love how senioritis puts you to sleep :laugh: 37. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? probably because the physical dimensions and shape of the box. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherTon Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 I like 21.12+34. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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