Wolvereen Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 I like monkeys... The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty half way into its third hour Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tied to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and on hundred and ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tired to burn them, but little did i know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjordan2001 Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Interesting.... :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Veteran Posted June 27, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 27, 2003 :rofl: "so i punched them in the genitals" :D heard it before, but still funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsears Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Showing the neighbors... okay not really, just my friends... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bararum Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 :laugh: i found that hilarious for some odd reason :blink: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpanda Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 haha...funny to me...nice read... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricDemon Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 muhahahaha :woot:, nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fili Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 :woot: That's great! :woot: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enigma-penguin Veteran Posted June 27, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 27, 2003 wah? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[hxc] Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 good pick-me-up at work :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vip Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 haha, wtf ... that's... well different! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTallack Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 This is one of those things that's really only funny when you've had too much caffiene, huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiggzy Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 i want what he smoked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memNOC Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 no Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avada Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 God damn cheap monkeys :woot: ahahaha he should've tried selling them on ebay.... :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolvereen Posted June 28, 2003 Author Share Posted June 28, 2003 hahahaha Now THATS funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tengcm Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoLdFuSi0n Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macster Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 LOL funny monkeys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vincent Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxikk Veteran Posted June 28, 2003 Veteran Share Posted June 28, 2003 :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamJohnson2 Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 lol ...that's probably the funniest thing I've read in my relatively short time at Neowin! What can I say, I have a weird sense of humor But that's just my two cents. :laugh: :wacko: :woot: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bizkit Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 Sounds like you like crack also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yo1 Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 Weird sense of humour ... :geek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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