One-Liners


Recommended Posts

> Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

> A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

>

> Q. What's a mixed feeling?

> A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

>

> Q. What's the height of conceit?

> A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name

>

> Q. What's the definition of macho?

> A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

>

> Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

> A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

>

> Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

> A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

>

> Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

> A. Because it's worth it.

>

> Q. What is a Yankee?

> A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

>

> Q.. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

> A. They both like a tight seal.

>

> Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

> A. Their balls are just for decoration.

>

> Q What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

> A. About three inches.

>

> Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

> A. The grip.

>

> Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

> A. It's not hard.

>

> Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

> A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

>

> Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

> A. 45 pounds.

>

> Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

> A: 45 minutes.

>

> Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

> A. Breasts don't have eyes.

>

> Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

> A. The swallow.

>

> Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

> A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

>

> Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than

improving their minds?

> A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

>

> Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

> A. They don't have balls to scratch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room

together?

100 people who don't do dick.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and Good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends!

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the

biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

Why did the gay guy get fired from the sperm bank?

He got caught drinking on the job :x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools ! use the car only on

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the

biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

LMFAO!! :laugh: :laugh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.