altezza Veteran Posted July 15, 2003 Veteran Share Posted July 15, 2003 I'll tell him later. A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" =========================================== What a Memory An old guy confined to a nursing home was walking down the hallway when he noticed Mrs. Barnstone sitting on a chair in the lounge. He walked up to her and asked her if she could guess how old he was. She replied, "Drop your pants and let me see." Then after looking at him, she said, "Why you're 88 years old!" "Why yes I am," the old man said, "how did you know?" "Well you told me this morning at breakfast." =========================================== Clean whats zat Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish." =========================================== Instructions amiss A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" He said, "She didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it." =========================================== First things first Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry." =========================================== Out of the mouth of babe or into the mouth of moms? For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Johnny, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Johnny burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" =========================================== Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eevoo Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 "You said it. Every one of the recipes beganthe same way - 'Take a clean dish." :rofl: :laugh: that is my fav. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruBD Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 lol at the last one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
empty Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 No insult but they were all really mediocre, i didnt really laugh at any but im sure youll be back on top form tomorrow :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mektoub Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 HAHAHAHA that last one, killed me :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aem4162 Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 excellent as usual, altezza! (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hav0c Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Lol, the more the better.. :D :blink: :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bizkit Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Thats how I came into the world. My mom ate me and them pooped me out. And now I'm here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherTon Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 In the fourth one the bridge club must have really enjoyed that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pina_colada Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 hehe theyre all reli good especialy the first 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberfrem Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Like them a lot. More! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newsend Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Good, but not great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiBer Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Yep last one :rofl: :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Dick Montage Subscriber² Posted July 15, 2003 Subscriber² Share Posted July 15, 2003 LOL, you got the best jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystical112 Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 haha nice ones... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawtai Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 haha good jokes altezza, i like the last one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
excessdl Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 hehehe.. that last one's great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enigma-penguin Veteran Posted July 15, 2003 Veteran Share Posted July 15, 2003 last ones cool.... gotta love these joke man..^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cesardrgn Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Kid jokes are cool... :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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