Today's jokes collection - Part 2


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Start at the top

One day this old lady walks into the doctor's

office and is shown into a room. When the doctor

comes in and asks what the problem is she answers,

"I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me.

You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't

smell at all."

So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly

gives her some pills and tells her to take one

everyday and come back in a week.

So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor

asks if her problem is any better she replies,

"Well I don't know what you gave me but now my

gas smells terribly!"

The doctor replies "Well now that we've got

your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"'

==============================================

Half crazed teacher

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming

for a long time. She decided to get his attention.

"Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles

around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how

old am I?

"Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly.

The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from

my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?"

Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My

big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

==============================================

Leave the hair out of it

John and Nancy were married for 40 years and

decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned

a second wedding. They were discussing the details

with their friends.

Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal

gown and she started describing the dress she

was planning to wear. One of her friends asked

what color shoes she had to go with the dress.

Nancy replied, "Silver."

At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver

- - to match her hair."

Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot,

Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are

going barefoot."

==============================================

Double duty

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's

animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his

wife answered.

An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband

there?"

"Do you require his services as a sheriff

or as a vet?" the wife asked.

"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's

mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."

==============================================

Cheap Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he

felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they

run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to

$2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just

stick this button in your ear and run this little string

down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But

when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

==============================================

Aircraft Rumor

Rumor has it that the propeller on any light aircraft is

only there to keep the pilot and passengers cool.

What, you don't believe this?

If it stops, watch them start to sweat!

==============================================

EDIT: Another piece of joke added

A very poor man plan to get married with his beloved girlfriend. For a wedding gift to her son, his mother sew an underwear made from a flour sack. Unfortunately on the first night after the wedding ceremony, his wife suddenly fainted. He discovered that the underwear he is wearing in which his mother made for him...that there's a label that says "Net Weight 50 KG"

(PS. Directly translated from jokes in my language...hopefully you can understand...and dunno if it's funny or not)

Edited by altezza
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