altezza Veteran Posted July 16, 2003 Veteran Share Posted July 16, 2003 (edited) Start at the top One day this old lady walks into the doctor's office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' ============================================== Half crazed teacher The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?" Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy." ============================================== Leave the hair out of it John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver." At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver - - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot." ============================================== Double duty The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ============================================== Cheap Hearing Aid A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer asked. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!" ============================================== Aircraft Rumor Rumor has it that the propeller on any light aircraft is only there to keep the pilot and passengers cool. What, you don't believe this? If it stops, watch them start to sweat! ============================================== EDIT: Another piece of joke added A very poor man plan to get married with his beloved girlfriend. For a wedding gift to her son, his mother sew an underwear made from a flour sack. Unfortunately on the first night after the wedding ceremony, his wife suddenly fainted. He discovered that the underwear he is wearing in which his mother made for him...that there's a label that says "Net Weight 50 KG" (PS. Directly translated from jokes in my language...hopefully you can understand...and dunno if it's funny or not) Edited July 16, 2003 by altezza Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
empty Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 #1 and the burglar joke made me laugh lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daem0hn Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 #1 was the best, liked the hearing aids one aswell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMeK Veteran Posted July 16, 2003 Veteran Share Posted July 16, 2003 hehehe those jokes where all v.good :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eye_see_you Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 I love the airplane one .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eevoo Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 :laugh: :rofl: great work altezza Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Bwa! gotta love gas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon75 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 LOL like the hearing aid one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawtai Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 haha those are good, thanks for posting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherTon Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 #1 was the best.:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cesardrgn Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 that first one rocks... :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savarize Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 heheh, nice jokes...#1 (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Fulcrum Subscriber¹ Posted July 16, 2003 Subscriber¹ Share Posted July 16, 2003 They were all good, time to mass email! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hav0c Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 :jump: Nice stuff.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bizkit Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 The last one if the best. That would be a huge penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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