Air Traffic Chatter


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Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C' and D', but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move til I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

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Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency

124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways

747:

call sign Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vhere you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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This is damn excellent humor..please share the website!!!

Its been going around via email for years, probably on a load of websites.. google is your friend :)

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Blatently copied from http://dailyfunnies.org/archives/000576.html without any source linked. Pathetic.

There is no need to start being a dick in this thread...people are laughing so let them be. Lots of people are talking about Neowin being overran by flamers and n00bs that just complain about everything.

I thought the German one was really funny. The guy "cooly" says he'd been there before but never landed. I bet that really ****ed them off.

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yeah nice one mate well funny

scarbittenross: I dont care where it came from he at least made the effort to post it here for our enjoyment, so just have a laugh.

:) :) :)

Al

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Yeah, i admit its funny, just nice for people to report their sources once in a while. And i do take offence to be calling a n00b or flamer, thats not me. I think people should be 'sourced' for their efforts, thats all.

The only effort this guys made is copy and paste to bring it to ya'll.

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Yeah, i admit its funny, just nice for people to report their sources once in a while. And i do take offence to be calling a n00b or flamer, thats not me.  I think people should be 'sourced' for their efforts, thats all.

The only effort this guys made is copy and paste to bring it to ya'll.

If you read both posts, although extremely similar, there are words that don't match, and the last exchange on the website you posted is not included here. So, cut and paste is obviously out. Further, where did "Glen" at the Daily Funnies get it from? He doesn't "source" anyone. Does he have good connections with air traffic controllers and heard it in the coffe room? I doubt it...

Edited by Ironman273
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Guys, what does it matter where a joke or something funny like this comes from? It's just meant to be funny, that's all. Why can't we just find the humor in it and go on. I find it very interesting how a thread intended to be humorous (innocently I might add) can end up with people more concerned about someone sourcing something. Just laugh. It was simply someone trying to share something they thought might brighten your day.

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