radioboy Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetRiverBaynes Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 heh...not bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ynot Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrogers Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 lol, I love this...I saw it a long time ago and then lost it, thanks for this...I'm saving it :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMeK Veteran Posted July 28, 2003 Veteran Share Posted July 28, 2003 hehe good one (Y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EzeWong Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass. ROFL ROFL ROFL :rofl: :rofl: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: hahhahahahhahahahha OMFG THAT WAS great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eevoo Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 EzeWong :yes: 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook that one killed me :laugh::rofl::laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawtai Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 lol, nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherTon Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 He should've stuck to drinking water. 9.was the best. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samoa Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 :laugh: :D :rofl: (Y) (Y) (Y) That's some funny stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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