Newly Weds...


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A newly wed couple were looking to decorate their new house. Whilst bargain hunting, they found an unusual mirror, which the shop owner states is "magical".

The couple buy the mirror, and place it on the back of their bedroom door.

One day the wife decided to test the mirror out, and whilst looking into the mirror said:

"Mirror, mirror on the door, Make my boobs size 44."

And lo and behold it came true! She ran down the stairs to show her husband, who was utterly amazed. He proceeded to run up to the bedroom, and while looking in the mirror he said:

"Mirror, mirror on the door, Make my manhood touch the floor."

And then his legs fell off. :whistle:

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On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten get any shoes.

Panic.

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were in agony.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say, "God, that was tight!"

"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you she was a virgin."

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. "Right. Now for the other one."

Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said, "My God. That was even tighter."

"That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"

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Last One

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night."

She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing.

"That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises. "Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt, I should scream." "You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. "Now why were you laughing?" she asked. "You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered.

"True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. "Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" "Mom, don't you remember? You always told me to never talk with my mouth full."

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