some jokes


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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll

take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just

a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

_____________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a

golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

______________________________________________

The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken

casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And

then you dump the stock.

______________________________________________

New Sex Study...

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married

couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls

over and plays dead.

___________________________________________

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde

wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets

the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those

pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could

start by buying me a drink."

___________________________________________

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

______________________________________________

A woman's perfect breakfast:

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the

cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business

Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on

the back of the milk carton.

______________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is

feeling.

"I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in

surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

______________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display

of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since

I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's

advice..

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

______________________________________________

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the

horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said,

"I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "######!" afterwards.

----------------------------------------------

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New Sex Study...

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married

couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls

over and plays dead.

ROFLMAO.

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