for us gals


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Translating the Male Language:

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, therefore I'm completely clueless."

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned...but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on anything else...I'm starving."

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."

_____________________

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created:

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve . .

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

_____________________________

Q.Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q.What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A.A dog is always happy to see you

B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

Q.Why do men name their penises?

A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

Why is a woman different from a PC?

A woman won't accept a 3?" floppy

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lol good stuff, lot of them are very true

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

i would never ever say that to my wife... :o :no:

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"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on anything else...I'm starving."

those are the only ones I'm guilty of...I feel a bit ripped off

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"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

roflmfao

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8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

Actually Eve came before the whole fig leaf thing :unsure:

I'm guilty of more of those than I'd like to admit :blush:

Except for reading directions, I always read directions. It gets the job done faster, which leaves more time for laziness :D

Edited by Danrarbc641
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