62 replies to this topic

[Glassed Silver]

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 22:39, said:

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Your motivation to find a woman shouldn't be "because [you're] behind".

Glassed Silver:mac

[a.mcdear]

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 18:48, said:

I know. I'm 26 years old and am currently not in any serious relationship. Everyone I know that is my age or younger is already married or in a serious relationship. I'm really behind, which is why I need to find a girlfriend asap.

This has to be one of the worst reasons I have ever heard for wanting a relationship.
So, you're 26 and feel like you're slipping behind your friends... Well, I'm 30, most of my friends are either single or divorced. What does that tell you?

[Glassed Silver]

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 22:39, said:

I'm sorry. I don't understand. It does trouble me because I'm 26 years old and am not even close to finding that special someone. I don't want to get old and die alone.

Makes a little more sense now, but still, this shouldn't be your motivation at all, because all it will do to you is make you rush things.

Rush for SOME (as opposed to THE) woman.
Rush for the full deal, when maybe that specific woman shouldn't be the one you'll marry/share the rest of your life with.
Rush your emotions to the point of believing you love the person. One should fall in love slowly. Trust me, that's way better, because if you rush emotions, they tend to get fakey at times and then you'll be SOL.

Keep your calm, you're not anywhere near "old" and there's still plenty of time.

If you step it up too much, fate will step you down.

Glassed Silver:mac

[- Kaboose -]

mail order bride bro

[DaDude]

Glassed Silver, on 10 July 2012 - 22:54, said:

Rush your emotions to the point of believing you love the person. One should fall in love slowly. Trust me, that's way better, because if you rush emotions, they tend to get fakey at times and then you'll be SOL.

Unfortunately, I get the feeling that women today want things fast. If you let your relationship develop slowly rather than fast, the girl will dump you for someone else that's willing to taking things faster. I've seen it happen. Not just to me, but to many people I know. And sadly, those type of guys just use them and thats why women cry later on because their boyfriend/husband is a jerk.

[DaDude]

Glassed Silver, on 10 July 2012 - 22:54, said:

Rush for SOME (as opposed to THE) woman.

Unfortunately, there's no guarantee we will ever find THE woman. My uncle is approaching 60 and has yet to find THE woman. He has never been in a serious relationship ever since he got divorced in his early 20s. He's been alone since then. I do hope I'm not like him when I'm 60.

[Enron]

Being single isn't all that bad of an option either.

[dead.cell]

spacer, on 10 July 2012 - 14:34, said:

Going to a gym to meet women is the exact thing you should NOT do. Going to a gym to exercise and build muscle is good for many things (including grabbing the attention of women). But going to the gym with the sole purpose of meeting women is a bad idea.

Almost every woman that goes to a gym is there to work out. They don't want to get hit on, flirted with, or anything like that. I have several woman friends along with my girlfriend that say it's extremely annoying when they're trying to do their thing and guys keep coming up to them. The only girls who like that kind of stuff are giant ho-bags, and those aren't the girls you should be going for. (unless you like taking medication for your junk).

I have no idea what the scene for partner dancing is like where you are, but I'd be willing to bet it's very heavily couples oriented. Meaning, the only people who really do it are older couples or people getting ready for their wedding. I'd be really surprised if a lot of single, straight men regularly attend classes (which cost money) just to meet women. Though, I could be completely wrong on that. It's just my guess.

Well said. I hear enough complaints from women on Fitocracy who just want to work out, and have to deal with pushy guys. I mean, hell I get annoyed by guys coming up to me as it is offering their Broscience™ advice as it is. Can only imagine it being 10x worse for a woman who gets the condescending attitude as if they don't know what they're doing, doubled with pick up lines and feigned interest just to get in their pants.

---

Don't be afraid to be alone. That kind of fear can influence your being, and can make you come off as "desperate" at times. The best focus I find is pushing yourself to become awesome. When you do that and you have confidence in yourself, things are a lot easier. This is where the gym can legitimately help. Women love confidence (not to be confused with being egotistical), seeing a man that knows what he wants, that has inner desires and is WORKING to fulfill them. Someone who has direction, goals, and so forth.

At least, that's been my experience with women. Finding women isn't hard, it's about being able to find someone to be happy with rather. At least, I think so anyway. I think I'm just rambling now, excuse me.

[Glassed Silver]

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 23:26, said:

Unfortunately, I get the feeling that women today want things fast. If you let your relationship develop slowly rather than fast, the girl will dump you for someone else that's willing to taking things faster. I've seen it happen. Not just to me, but to many people I know. And sadly, those type of guys just use them and thats why women cry later on because their boyfriend/husband is a jerk.

That's true, I mean though, don't approach and say you want to start something but need time.
Start with a friendship, quite openly and then see how you like her.
Can do that with more women, as quite obviously, at first it really only should be a friendship.
Don't force it though.

I found that friends of friends did the trick for me.
I got chatted up a couple of times and eventually I found a beautiful girl I'm not engaged to!

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 23:31, said:

Unfortunately, there's no guarantee we will ever find THE woman. My uncle is approaching 60 and has yet to find THE woman. He has never been in a serious relationship ever since he got divorced in his early 20s. He's been alone since then. I do hope I'm not like him when I'm 60.

I'm not making promises, just saying how to improve the chances on skipping some of the incompatible females out there.

Enron, on 10 July 2012 - 23:36, said:

Being single isn't all that bad of an option either.

Quite obviously, this isn't a viable option to him
Well, for now it should, as as I said: don't rush things...

In the end it help having faith and/or not feeling the pressure.
Your decisions will be much less "forced" or "blindfolded" due to the longing for "relief".

You don't want a candy bar, you want to decide what your life (ideally the rest of it even) will look like, as the partner you chose will make a big impact on your life, your decisions and your environment.
Don't. Ever. Rush.

I know it's hip to do nowadays, but those who blindly follow this trend are sometimes not those types of partners that will stay too long.

Glassed Silver:mac

[andrewbares]

DaDude, on 10 July 2012 - 22:39, said:

I'm sorry. I don't understand. It does trouble me because I'm 26 years old and am not even close to finding that special someone. I don't want to get old and die alone.

That's not the right attitude. You can't "find" love. You could order an indian wife off a website, you can put yourself out there, but you don't *NEED* to find someone, it just has to happen.

Learn to love YOURSELF first and be content with being single, or else you won't ever be ready for a relationship.

[Growled]

You don't find someone, they find you. You need to prepare yourself for that.

[Hum]

poRn actor

[DaDude]

Growled, on 11 July 2012 - 00:21, said:

You don't find someone, they find you. You need to prepare yourself for that.

Then why do so many people tell me, "Grow some balls and learn to walk up to a hot girl and ask her out?"

[Glassed Silver]

DaDude, on 11 July 2012 - 03:21, said:

Then why do so many people tell me, "Grow some balls and learn to walk up to a hot girl and ask her out?"

They advise you to get a girlfriend, they don't tell you how to find lasting love.

(which you CAN find that way, but if you're into finding something lasting, the slower you start the better the chances of finding chicks that want something lasting, too, that you'll like.)

Glassed Silver:ios

[ILikeTobacco]

DaDude, on 11 July 2012 - 03:21, said:

Then why do so many people tell me, "Grow some balls and learn to walk up to a hot girl and ask her out?"

Asking a girl out is the first step in finding someone(not all cases mind you). If you go on a million dates and are 60 years old and single, at least you had fun. If you go on a million dates and date number 1 million and 1 is THE one, the first million were worth it. Asking them out 2 minutes after meeting them is a bad idea, you have to find the right time. However, never asking them means you will never find the one. You have to have some level of confidence.

On a side note from that, I have found that what works for me is not looking at all. I mean NOT AT ALL. Don't go out looking. Don't go out flirting. Do you. Do the things you like. Don't go out of your way to be someone your not. If you do that, you have a better chance of finding a relationship and here is why. Let's say I see a cute girl and I know she loves guys who know about cars. So I go and spend a few days learning everything I can about cars even though I don't care for them and then go talk to her. We start dating and everything goes good for a while. Eventually, the fact that I don't like cars and that is what our relationship was started on, a lie that is, will catch up to me. I will eventually grow miserable because sure, I got the girl, but I have to be someone I'm not in order to keep the girl. That is why many relationships fail. People try to be who they are not. Eventually they get sick of being that, revert to who they really are, and their partner no longer likes them.

If you stop looking, you'll notice women that you never noticed before. The girl I am dating right now is my mothers best friends daughter. I have known her for over a decade and never looked at her as dating material(partially because I slept with her sister years ago). A few weeks ago I decided to stop looking for a girlfriend and just enjoy myself. Instead of spending money on dates, I would spend it on myself and the things I loved doing. I had a blast. I went on a few dates with various women that I never considered before. Then I spent the 4th visiting my mother who spent it with her best friend and family. We moved from having a BBQ in their back yard to heading out to the local lake to do some fireworks. There wasn't room for everyone in one car so I opted to take my car and this girl, being a bit younger than me but still closer to my age than anyone else, decided to ride with me. In the 30 minute drive out there we talked for the first time in a conversation that was more than the usual "whats up." I wasn't even thinking about dating her when I asked her for her number. We were just having a good time talking and I had just made a new friend. The next day I jokingly said something about going on a casual date and she jokingly said yes but we ended up going out. It's been a week and we have been on 4 dates now. I wasn't looking for a relationship which caused me to behave more like myself than I would have at the bar talking to someone random. In the process, I found someone that enjoys me for me.