Things to never say to a customer


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Copier guy comes in to repair a copier "I don't know what I am doing"

Software developer/support "I have never seen that error before"

EMC tech "You put it in wrong"

 

Rule #1 Never admit that you are an idiot

Rule #2 If you have designed the software, don't say you have never seen an error before that you have programmed into the system

Rule #3 The customer is not wrong until proven wrong, and even then is not wrong.

 

Copier guy has been out 3 times and cant figure out the issue and said to us "I don't know what I am doing, another tech needs to come out", the software developer is in the process of being terminated/another solution is in the works of replacing it (there have been other issues with this software vendor but pretty much every call sums up to that...one time they said my pc's were too old/slow of which I bought them that year, were i7's with 16GB of RAM, 2GB video, and 1TB hd running a java app...., EMC had to replace a bad part after a couple of weeks of arguing.

 

If I did any of this when consulting I would have been termed.

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Copier guy comes in to repair a copier "I don't know what I am doing"

Software developer/support "I have never seen that error before"

EMC tech "You put it in wrong"

Rule #1 Never admit that you are an idiot

Rule #2 If you have designed the software, don't say you have never seen an error before that you have programmed into the system

Rule #3 The customer is not wrong until proven wrong, and even then is not wrong.

Copier guy has been out 3 times and cant figure out the issue and said to us "I don't know what I am doing, another tech needs to come out", the software developer is in the process of being terminated/another solution is in the works of replacing it (there have been other issues with this software vendor but pretty much every call sums up to that...one time they said my pc's were too old/slow of which I bought them that year, were i7's with 16GB of RAM, 2GB video, and 1TB hd running a java app...., EMC had to replace a bad part after a couple of weeks of arguing.

If I did any of this when consulting I would have been termed.

Termed to which institution? :p
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Another thing to never say to a customer - "You're an idiot" or "Most people are idiots" or "People in IT think anyone not in IT is an idiot"

Some other things not to say:

Hold on a sec, Im texting this chick
Man I hooked up with this chick last night, think I caught something

Yeah I definately caught something
Have you ever had crabs before ?  This sucks !
How do you get rid of crabs ?
My god this itches !
So, how old is your daughter ?

 

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A response I once received when speaking to a Customer Service Rep for a large online pharmacy when they sent the wrong meds, "What do you expect me to do?"

 

I laughed and replied, "Your job."   He was embarrassed and apologized and it ended well.

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Another thing to never say to a customer - "You're an idiot" or "Most people are idiots" or "People in IT think anyone not in IT is an idiot"

 

See, I am the opposite.  I think everyone in IT really are a bunch of idiots until proven otherwise.  Most people (the general populous) don't care, don't understand, or don't want to understand and I am OK with that.  If you have setup a network and I start asking you questions as to why you did something there are two things going on there, I am trying to figure out your thought process and I am figuring out if you know what you are doing.  If you are the network architect who designed the site and you say things like this guy told me to, you don't know what you are doing.  If I ask you about why you installed this server vs that server and you say something stupid like well it says small business on it and you have it on a celeron processor, unmirrored harddrives (no raid 1), 2GB of memory, and a 10/100 switch (well at least it is a switch)...I am going to really think you are out of your league.

 

Basically, I was on clean up when in consulting.  I would constantly have to clean up previous companies disasters or our own techs messes.  Too many times have I been burned by other people "who know what they are doing".  Everything from plugging in the mouse to the keyboard port (ps/2) to not plugging in the right cables, to improper config on routers, switches, and/or servers.

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I think the problem with consumer facing IT is exactly that they are trained to speak to the general populace as if they are idiots. The amount of times my ISP telling me that a line outage on their end might be fixed by my resetting my router to factory settings is simply astounding, but it seems to make most people less annoyed if they are at least doing something so I suspect this is the logic behind these processes, better than explaining to every customer how their network works and where the outage is and explaining all the jargon in the process to average Joe who simply doesn't care, he can't see his youtube vids and he's angry.

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sc302, on 24 Feb 2015 - 08:26, said:

Rule #3 The customer is not wrong until proven wrong, and even then is not wrong.

 

Actually that should read:

 

Rule #3:  Never tell the customer they are wrong even when they are wrong; because we know most of the time they are wrong.

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I think the problem with consumer facing IT is exactly that they are trained to speak to the general populace as if they are idiots. The amount of times my ISP telling me that a line outage on their end might be fixed by my resetting my router to factory settings is simply astounding, but it seems to make most people less annoyed if they are at least doing something so I suspect this is the logic behind these processes, better than explaining to every customer how their network works and where the outage is and explaining all the jargon in the process to average Joe who simply doesn't care, he can't see his youtube vids and he's angry.

Well, to be fair, powering off and on some modems works for most problems with them.  Factory might be a bit harsh, but...

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I don't see the problem with a developer saying "I've never seen that error before". Some of the software I have worked on is so complex that there isn't a person on earth who would know it all. If I ever got fired for saying that then that probably wasn't somewhere I wanted to work in the first place.

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Lets put it into perspective.  You call microsoft for support because you have a generic blue screen.  They say that they have never seen that before and cannot help you further.  What would you do as the company who needs support?  What would you do as this person's supervisor? 

 

Even when you don't know, you say things like:

I will look into it and get back to you.

Please wait while I put you on a brief hold as I check with our engineers.

 

They have made too many assumptions regarding the equipment that I run, too many I don't knows (more than one instance), too many times we have been left hanging with no answers or resolutions other than "upgrade to the latest version"....If you have never seen the issue before, what makes you think upgrading to the latest version will fix the issue at hand (with this company upgrades mean new issues and seldom fixes to old issues, very skeptical with anything support states).

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i subscribe to a different train of logic. If the customer is wrong, you can tell them but word it in a way that doesn't actually say it. Saying "you're wrong" can be said in way that doesn't have to be in a confrontational format.

 

There is nothing wrong with saying "I have never seen that before". If you are insure about "not knowing everything" then I could see why you wouldn't want to say it. 

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I don't see an issue with any of the three points, but then I value honesty over bulls**t.

  1. I've you've been an idiot, 'fess up.
  2. If you don't know, say so - stops time wasted exploring uneducated guesses.
  3. When the customer is grossly mistaken, you tangle them up in their own lies until they themselves reach point number 1.
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Maybe this analogy will help you better.

 

You have a car and it has a mil (Malfunction Indicator Lamp or check engine light) on.  You bring it into the dealer to be serviced, they say they don't know and give it back to you with the mil on.  They say take it to another dealer, they say it isn't their problem it's yours, or they say that you cut something under the hood when you never touched the hood latch since owning it...and then charge you a diagnostic fee on top of that even though it is in warranty. 

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Canon, ricoh, brother, take your pick.

I guess he was under the assumption that you had a contract printer/copier company that services your machines like we do.

 

I've had some pretty bad experiences with "Seamless" Solutions for example.  I had the guy come out to fix a continuous paper jam and toner that wasn't reading properly, only to tell me we had the wrong toner. He suggested we get the printer ID, send it to Seamless specifically, so that they can send the right one.  I got with the girl who orders this stuff, and that was EXACTLY what she did. So then he calls up his own people to verify that it's the right one... 30 minutes later, he realizes that yes, he is in fact, incorrect in his assumption. We followed procedure, and his team did send us the right one. Finally, he gets to work.  Mind you, it was two guys that had come out to fix one printer, wasting half an hour with this.

 

Hopeless lol... I will speak good of ABM as a printer/copier company though. They handle most of our other printers and are rather fair in their leasing, and very good about getting things fixed between our Houston and Vegas branch.

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Never tell a customer "That WILL fix the problem" Because when it doesn't they are going to call you back and say you told them that would fix the problem

 

Tell them that SHOULD fix the problem .. I never speak in absolutes.

 

When I was working tech support for an ISP in 2001 all the other techs would tell the customer over the phone "That WILL Fix your problem" Then the customer would call back because that didn't fix the problem and I would answer. Then the customer would go off on me because the last tech promised it would fix the problem and it didn't.

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Most of the gen pop are idiots it's just not good pr to tell them they are..

 

I once had a customer that would ring me about the same problem atleast once a week even after we went through what she should do I even wrote a step by step that even a blind monkey could have followed in the end I told her to pack her PC up in the boxes it came in and take it back to the shop she had bought it from and then tell the salesman she was to stupid to operate a PC, AND you know what she bloody did it I just about died from laughing so hard  :laugh:

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Most of the gen pop are idiots it's just not good pr to tell them they are..

 

I once had a customer that would ring me about the same problem atleast once a week even after we went through what she should do I even wrote a step by step that even a blind monkey could have followed in the end I told her to pack her PC up in the boxes it came in and take it back to the shop she had bought it from and then tell the salesman she was to stupid to operate a PC, AND you know what she bloody did it I just about died from laughing so hard  :laugh:

 

Not all customers are complete and utter morons.  I once had an "engineer" at my ISP tell me the only way to fix my connection problems was to reinstall Windows... on all the affected devices... even the Android phones...

 

I just hung up on the prat and called back later, to get a different engineer; one that hopefully had a brain.

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I don't see anything wrong in explaining what the actual problem may be. If I go see the doctor, I want details of what's happening to me, not just, "you hurt, drink pill, get better".

 

Never tell a customer "That WILL fix the problem" Because when it doesn't they are going to call you back and say you told them that would fix the problem

 

Tell them that SHOULD fix the problem ..

 

Also mention to them that multiple factors could be playing parts in causing this problem, and that you need to go through those with them to determine what is actually causing the problem.

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#1 - I (inadvertently I guess) admit I am an idiot to patients fairly often. I tell them that I'm going to get the relevant consultant/reg and then go and run off and get someone who can actually fix the problem. Sometimes the problem that needs fixing is within my scope of practice, but I can't (or would rather not) perform the procedure, and it's best for the patient that I recognise that I'm not competent in an area - so that the correct care can be delivered by the correct person. 

 

#3 - The customer is actually wrong quite often and will get angry when I/another person disagrees. Therefore we approach all patients the same way - we never promise things/speak in absolutes; we simplify things to almost absurd levels; and we follow our procedures at all times.  

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