Random facts about Chuck Norris

By Rahul
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

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Grand Master

Rahul

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While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live

ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he

can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and

roundhouse kicked him in the face.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck

Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The

Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest

substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse

kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the

scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls

a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon

impact.

Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat **** into gasoline.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead

decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter

he grew a beard.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck

Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and

starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from

drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far

too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined

for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck

twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked

everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone

on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of

pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van

Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said,

"Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned

around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally

anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that

night.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was

10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for

this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the

Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India,

bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped

as a God.

Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is

the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band,

and a pinecone.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When

Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of

the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from

outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can't eat while standing upright.

Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won.

Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

One drop of Chuck Norris' sweat can cure you of anything, even death.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell doom in

twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only

Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft

landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris's heart beats once every full moon.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of

Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.

The movie "The Ring" is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't

find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late

he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick

your ass and take your dollar.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex

with 3 women.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck

said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He

came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and

when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came

with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he

gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck

Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake

before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you

have seen in your entire life.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture

found only the skull of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris put the 'k' in 'hardkore.'

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old

people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host

Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third

breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole

in the ozone layer.

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and

forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris".

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Experienced

Fabian-

Posted
Posted
Reminds me of the Vin Diesel facts!!

LOL @ Chuck

586567623[/snapback]

lol yeah those were awesome! :pinch:

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck

said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He

came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and

when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came

with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he

gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck

Norris."

^^ wtf :rofl:

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Veteran

redFX

Posted
Posted
Reminds me of the Vin Diesel facts!!

LOL @ Chuck

586567623[/snapback]

How about a HoochieMamma version:

(these are all true)

Facts about Mr. T

Was once parodied on the animated GI Joe series of the 1980s with a character called "Mr. C", who was a spokesman for the evil COBRA cable network who eventually defected and joined GI Joe.

He used to be a gym teacher, military policeman, bouncer, and bodyguard.

Once worked as a bouncer and a bodyguard to Steve McQueen, Muhammad Ali, and Diana Ross.

Occasionally appears as Conan O'Brien's special guest and partner in various comedy sketches

Doesn't drink alcoholic beverages.

While a homeowner in Lake Forest, Illinois, he clearcut 100 acres of trees located on his property, igniting a feud with neighbors and town officials. Because of his actions, landowners of the town are prohibited from cutting down trees, even on their own property, without a permit.

Boxed 'ACE' Cowboy Bob Orton on WWF's Saturday Night Main Event in 1985 and was subsequentially whipped by Orton and Rowdy Roddy Piper with a belt.

Voted by a BBC-run poll the fourth most influential American in history, behind Homer Simpson, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King.

When he and Hulk Hogan appeared in 1985 on "Saturday Night Live" they were promoting the World Wrestling Federation's Wrestlemania 1 pay-per-view show.

Hulk Hogan wrote in his autobiography that Mr. T almost ruined the main event of the first Wrestlemania, because when he arrived, security would not let his entourage into the building. Mr. T was ready to skip the show until Hogan personally talked him out of leaving.

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper mentioned that he and other fellow wrestlers legitimately disliked Mr. T, because he was an actor coming into wrestling, and had not paid his dues as a professional wrestler.

Trademarks: Wearing gold chains, Frequent line "I pity the fool...", Mohawk

was quoted as saying: "Any man who don't love his momma can't be no friend of mine." [side note, do you love your mom Hoochie?!?]

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Grand Master

HoochieMamma

Posted
Posted
How about a HoochieMamma version:

(these are all true)

Facts about Mr. T

Was once parodied on the animated GI Joe series of the 1980s with a character called "Mr. C", who was a spokesman for the evil COBRA cable network who eventually defected and joined GI Joe.

He used to be a gym teacher, military policeman, bouncer, and bodyguard.

.........

........

Trademarks: Wearing gold chains, Frequent line "I pity the fool...", Mohawk

was quoted as saying: "Any man who don't love his momma can't be no friend of mine."  [side note, do you love your mom Hoochie?!?]

586568206[/snapback]

All of them are pure class! :rofl:

Yeah I love my mum!

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