joke Things We Learned From The Movies..

[tajul]

*During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

*All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

*Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman; but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty

*Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

*Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.

*Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

*If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

*Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

*When in love, it is customary to burst into song.

*When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

*One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

*Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.

*Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

*All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.

*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

*When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

*If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.

*You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

*You can tell if somebody is British because he will be wearing a bow tie.

*When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.

*Taxi drivers don't require exact or even approximate payment - the first bill you pull from your pocket is always correct.

*Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.

*Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

[LaraBoft]

Lol...

[Shaun N.]

How to spell "Learned" badly.

[tajul]

Fixed.. :rofl:

[+Warwagon MVC]

*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water"

Actually that's true about bullets in General. Even the biggest one. I know. I saw it on mythbusters!

[Steven P. Administrators]

So true :p

[Dysphoria]

*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Actually buletts lose their termnal velocity and impact power when they enter water. So when you see movies where people are shooting guns in the river or lake and actually hitting someone under water is bull... You can not kill anyone under water unless that person is on the surface of the water.

Edit:

I see warwagon was faster than me ;)

[Hum]

*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

I've been coughing for over a week ... :|

[Xerino]

What about this one?

It doesn't matter how many people you fight at once, they will always come at you one at a time while the rest dance around in a threatening manner...

[sanctified Veteran]

Funny enough most of these cliches are united states made.

[Pam14160]

Here's another one. . .a 5 ft to 5 ft 10 in. woman can kick butt on any man over 6 ft without any problem. Hmmmmmmmm!, at 6' 7" and 260 lbs I really would like to see that. . . :D

[Ice_Blue]

Great ones! :)

I had a pdf titled "Computers as depicted in the movies".

Can't find the dang thing... Probably deleted.

[Mohitster]

All of them epics! :D

[moloko]

555 is used to make it easy. Just a hollywood thing. In todays world use a real number and retards will go home and call that number off the hook.

[metro2012]

wat movies r these fromm?

[Odom Member]

Actually buletts lose their termnal velocity and impact power when they enter water. So when you see movies where people are shooting guns in the river or lake and actually hitting someone under water is bull... You can not kill anyone under water unless that person is on the surface of the water.

Edit:

I see warwagon was faster than me ;)

True, also saw this. if you are deeper than 1.5m in the water, the bullet doesn't have the speed to mortally kill someone. It looses almost all its energy up to that depth.

[Xerino]

555 is used to make it easy. Just a hollywood thing. In todays world use a real number and retards will go home and call that number off the hook.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5pyZ5AZQbk watch from 0:40

[c.grz]

I think "Last Action Hero" is a great movie!!

[jnelsoninjax]

Great ones! :)

I had a pdf titled "Computers as depicted in the movies".

Can't find the dang thing... Probably deleted.

• • Word processors never display a cursor.
    
  • You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
    
  • All monitors display inch-high letters.
    
  • High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
    
  • Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
    
  • Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see Fortress).
    
  • All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
    
  • Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer. [see The Hunt For Red October or Alien]
    
  • All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.
    
  • People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. [see the opening credits for The Hunt For Red October]
    
  • A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
    
  • Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see Demolition Man and countless others).
    
  • Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
    
  • When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
    
  • If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
    
  • No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
    
  • The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.
    
  • Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three- dimensional,active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.
    
  • Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.
    
  • Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see Alien, 2001, [Jurassic Park]).
    

[Osiris]

haha both of those have some good ones on it :)

[Open Minded]

*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

I actually dated a girl for a while after her and my friend broke-up.* We hated each other. One night at his house , she dipped her fingers in a bowl of nacho cheese and rubbed it in my face and some got into my eyes. It was frickin jalapeno cheese and it burned. I stood there for a second, kinda smiled and tried my best to keep my eyes from watering, took my hand and scooped the rest of the cheese into my hand... grinned, and not-so-softly covered her whole face in cheese. Then took my hand and started going lower, smearing cheese all over her neck and chest. She just stood there in amazement with mouth open for a bit then ran off crying. My friend/her BF was mad until everyone that saw what happened started blaming her for the indecent.

Years go by and she finds me on MySpace, we talk... then it gets good. I mean really, really good. Point being, if you and a girl hate one another and then start dating, the sex will be amazing.

*It was years after my friend and her broke up that we started talking.

[moloko]

These are funny but really. Its acting. If a car just turned over and not exploded...ummm thats boring. I want explosions. Movies are an exaggeration of life no matter how "real" them seem. So all this is moot.

Regarding hacking stuff...its boring. I want to see wild and cool interfaces on screen. Not just some fat looser pecking away at a black and green screen.

[DaveLegg Developer]

Don't forget USB really does stand for UNIVERSAL serial bus. They use it in Stargate (and probably others) to connect to alien ships all the time, and what's more, windows supports the ships natively, and installs the drivers automatically, even changing the display to include a map of the ship. How handy!

[Ice_Blue]

snip

Thank you very much, sir.

[monomellow]

Lol funny. I have to agree with most of them :rofl: