a chuckle to end your week :)


Recommended Posts

Something to end your week with a smile

AND THATS WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

________________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's when the fight started....

------------------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....

-----------------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'& And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started....

------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.''My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'And then the fight started...

-----------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started...

Link to comment
https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/1129120-a-chuckle-to-end-your-week/
Share on other sites

All pretty good, but this is my favorite BY FAR...

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."

That one made me laugh out loud. Most were corny though. :laugh:

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Posts

    • I like mesh chairs like this, but not being able to lock in the back would make it not work for me. Also, I don't like arm rests at all. Can you not install them and the chair still work? Any recommendations on alternative chairs?
    • As before, my notes are in your quoted section. To be clear, you started posting racist, fascist nonsense. And I always challenge lies and the liars that peddle them. Why? Because the truth matters.
    • Deal for those who want 1900 size electronics in their house? with 2026/7 hardware mhm.. not nice
    • Cheap labour, the same as the U.K. China pays their people pittance.
    • Those people that come over here on boats are already in a safe country, if they want to come over here then do so correctly though the right channels. I was born in the U.K, my family that came over here came so via the proper means. My partner came here via the correct channels, she also became a British citizen, she knows more about this country than most of them that was born here, including myself, she worked hard to do what she does. She will stick up for this country and have done a few times, when people from her own part of world have put the U.K down. We are not going to agree, all I said to start with is that maybe Trump has the right idea with this America first thing and maybe we should start doing the same. Maybe not as drastic as what he is doing, but we do need to sort this country out, we need to sort out tech instead of relying on the U.S and others. Again you have not shown why you are so annoyed that we have left the E.U and this is what it is all about? If you don't live in the U.K and live in the E.U are you annoyed that we left your little club? If you live in the U.K and is pro-E.U, then fair enough then I can see how it annoys you. Are you one of these people who lives in the U.K and have a holiday chalet in the E.U and can now only stay there for so long? If so, then that is bad luck. As I have posted before, I have no problem with people coming here to work, as long as they do if via the proper channels. We are out of the E.U, people voted out, and maybe if more people had voted instead of sitting on their backsides the results would have been different. But they like the E.U and our government thought no we would not vote to leave. How wrong they were, surprised me. I expected to wake up in the morning and hear on the radio that we voted to stay. As I said, we are out and have been for 10 years, we are not going to go back in anytime soon if we ever do, so we all need to make the best of how things are. Anyway, this is supposed to be a tech site.
  • Recent Achievements

    • Conversation Starter
      jessse3334 earned a badge
      Conversation Starter
    • Reacting Well
      JuvenileDelinquent earned a badge
      Reacting Well
    • One Month Later
      Excellence2025 earned a badge
      One Month Later
    • Week One Done
      Excellence2025 earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Week One Done
      flexorcist earned a badge
      Week One Done
  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      502
    2. 2
      +Edouard
      215
    3. 3
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      150
    4. 4
      Steven P.
      74
    5. 5
      macoman
      62
  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!