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If Hemingway wrote Javascript


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#1 Phouchg


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Posted 11 December 2012 - 21:56

Recently I had a dream in which I asked Hemingway and four other literary luminaries to write some JavaScript for me; specifically a function that returned a fibonacci series of a given length. Interestingly each author chose to solve the problem in a different way. They did pretty well actually - as far as I can tell every solution works as advertised (yes, even Andre Breton’s). Here’s what I got:

Ernest Hemingway

function fibonacci(size) {

  var first = 0, second = 1, next, count = 2, result = [first, second];

  if(size < 2)
	return "the request was made but it was not good"

  while(count++ < size) {
	next = first + second;
	first = second;
	second = next;
  return result;

William Shakespeare

function theSeriesOfFIBONACCI(theSize) {

  //a CALCKULATION in two acts.
  //employ'ng the humourous logick of JAVA-SCRIPTE

  //Dramatis Personae
  var theResult; //an ARRAY to contain THE NUMBERS
  var theCounter; //a NUMBER, serv'nt to the FOR LOOP

  //ACT I: in which a ZERO is added for INITIATION

  //[ENTER: theResult]

  //Upon the noble list bestow a zero
  var theResult = [0];

  //ACT II: a LOOP in which the final TWO NUMBERS are QUEREED and SUMM'D

  //[ENTER: theCounter]

  //Commence at one and venture o'er the numbers
  for (theCounter = 1; theCounter < theSize; theCounter++) {
	//By divination set adjoining members
	theResult[theCounter] = (theResult[theCounter-1]||1) + theResult[Math.max(0, theCounter-2)];

  //'Tis done, and here's the answer.
  return theResult;


Andre Breton

function Colette(umbrella) {
  var staircase = 0, galleons = 0, brigantines = 1, armada = [galleons, brigantines], bassoon;
  Array.prototype.embrace = [].push;

  while(2 + staircase++ < umbrella) {
	bassoon = galleons + brigantines;
	armada.embrace(brigantines = (galleons = brigantines, bassoon));

  return armada;

Roberto Bolano

function LeonardoPisanoBigollo(l) {

  if(l < 0) {
	return "I'd prefer not to respond. (Although several replies occur to me)"


  //Everything is getting complicated.
  for (var i=2,r=[0,1].slice(0,l);i<l;r.push(r[i-1]+r[i-2]),i++)


  //Here are some other mathematicians. Mostly it's just nonsense.

  rationalTheorists = ["Archimedes of Syracuse", "Pierre de Fermat (such margins, boys!)",
"Srinivasa Ramanujan", "Rene Descartes", "Leonhard Euler", "Carl Gauss",
"Johann Bernoulli", "Jacob Bernoulli", "Aryabhata", "Brahmagupta", "Bhaskara II",
"Nilakantha Somayaji", "Omar Khayyám", "Muhammad ibn Mūsā al-Khwārizmī",
"Bernhard Riemann", "Gottfried Leibniz", "Andrey Kolmogorov", "Euclid of Alexandria",
"Jules Henri Poincaré", "Srinivasa Ramanujan", "Alexander Grothendieck (who could forget?)",
"David Hilbert", "Alan Turing", "von Neumann", "Kurt Gödel", "Joseph-Louis Lagrange",
"Georg Cantor", "William Rowan Hamilton", "Carl Jacobi", "Évariste Galois", "Nikolay Lobachevsky",
"Rene Descartes", "Joseph Fourier", "Pierre-Simon Laplace", "Alonzo Church", "Nikolay Bogolyubov"]


  //I didn't understand any of this, but here it is anyway.
  return r


  //Nothing happens here and if it does I'd rather not talk about it.

Charles Dickens

function mrFibbowicksNumbers(enormity) {
  var assortment = [0,1,1], tally = 3, artfulRatio = 1.61803;

  while(tally++ < enormity) {
	//here is an exceedingly clever device
	assortment.push(Math.round(assortment[tally-2] * artfulRatio));

  //should there be an overabundance of elements, a remedy need be applied
  return assortment.slice(0, enormity);

Source, explanation of all this nonsense, comments on each of the authors and why Hemingway rocks and Dickens socks: link


#2 articuno1au


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Posted 11 December 2012 - 21:59

Nice :p

I particularly like Hemmingway and Shakespeare's

#3 wrack


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Posted 11 December 2012 - 22:14

Nice :)

#4 pes2013



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Posted 11 December 2012 - 22:45

Too freakish to be funny...