FloatingFatMan Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 But she says "last night he tortured me emotionally" and was then unable to be with. There is not the interpretation there, though the comments are vague. And that could just mean something like him saying he didn't love her though she loved him. Hardly torture to our eyes, but could be seen as such by her quite easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Zagadka Subscriber² Posted April 23, 2015 Subscriber² Share Posted April 23, 2015 Well, there isn't information there to be conclusive either way. Depression can be very unpredictable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Well, there isn't information there to be conclusive either way. Depression can be very unpredictable. Indeed, though having felt what unrequited love is like in my younger years, I know full well what it can drive you to try doing to yourself... ie: Been there, done that, got the scars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trag3dy Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 It all depends on how she defined "torture". In a society where homosexuals are ostracised, merely the act of being married to a gay man who wouldn't sleep with her could easily be counted as mental or emotional torture; not to mention the societal shame she would be subjected to if her peers discovered the truth. Unrequited love can be a powerful thing. Unless there's evidence to the contrary, I doubt he was actually abusing her... I get that and I don't disagree. But the person I quoted said the article never actually said he was abusing her, that's all I was pointing out. And reading over it again the article also doesn't say she killed herself because he was gay as the title strongly implies. In fact nowhere but the title and the first sentence is it even mentioned that her husband was gay. Her suicide note on facebook never mentions it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I get that and I don't disagree with that. But the person I quoted said the article never actually said he was abusing her, that's all I was pointing out. And reading over it again the article also doesn't say she killed herself because he was gay, as the title strongly implies. I think there's not really enough information to conclude exactly why she killed herself. You have to look at the way their society works and draw conclusions which may or may not be right. I'm of a mind that she probably just couldn't handle that her husband was gay. ie, she's a bigot. That doesn't mean it's her -fault- she's a bigot; it just means that she was a product of her society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trag3dy Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I think there's not really enough information to conclude exactly why she killed herself. You have to look at the way their society works and draw conclusions which may or may not be right. I'm of a mind that she probably just couldn't handle that her husband was gay. ie, she's a bigot. That doesn't mean it's her -fault- she's a bigot; it just means that she was a product of her society. I don't disagree. And proving mental/emotional abuse is kind of hard when the person who made the claim is dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neo1911 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Oh well, one less bigot in the world. I'm not going to cry over it. Wow!! Do you even know what it is to learn that your husband is gay. It most probably was arranged marriage in typical Indian style. But here the husband's parents and husband himself hid his sexual orientation before marriage from his wife. Sometimes the society and (husband) will torment the woman so much that no counselling can ever heal her wounds. But she should have gone to a marriage counselor and got her marriage annulled (If marriage was not consummated). This is different than a divorce. Most Indian married women, hide husband and his family's shame from their own parents. So her parents must be clueless. In short, she was cheated and didn't get the right guidance from right people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torolol Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 According to the article, she had 5 years of a generally abusive relationship... that is the main part of the story. The gay thing is clickbait. well, in her last facebook post, she did mention (exposing?) about her husband being gay, its big deal on society where gay aren't welcomed. I however i agree to some portion of her post that saying "Gay shouldn't marry girl", gay should marry fellow gays that he loved and loves him back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisj1968 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I think if homosexuality and bisexuality was better accepted in that society (and in all other societies in general), none of this would have happened. He could have lived his life as an openly gay individual without having to marry this woman. Furthermore, we do not have any evidence that he actually mistreated her physically or emotionally, and if the police cannot find any valid evidence of that he should be let go or if they do he should be convicted based on that evidence.Though, I certainly do not believe he should be convicted because of his homosexuality; someone above me mentioned that homosexuality is illegal, but I believe it is this law that should be removed. However, I still do feel with this woman because his coming out, attitudes of greater society in general, and the attitudes of her family and his family probably put a lot of pressure on her. Indian culture is very different from ours especially when you look at the traditional end of spectrum. In many cases marriage is still arranged, sometimes directly other times indirectly; and there is a huge amount of pressure put on individuals to stay in the marriage from both sides of the extended family (this can range from societal threats, financial threats, and even physical threats), so divorce is not always an option. Moreover, I also believe that his coming out in the marriage (which again I do not blame him for, but rather believe is a societal problem over there) probably put some stress on there as well. Imagine you learned that your spouse or partner, whom you love very much and hoped to spend the rest of your life with, does not have the capacity to love you on a physical and/or emotional level; some people will simply get a divorce or separate and move on, while others will have a lot more difficulty emotionally dealing with this information (and the inability to separate or get a divorce for reasons I mentioned above certainly does not help with this). Furthermore, we do not know if she had other underlying conditions relating to her mental health or if she was being abused (both of these things could have had a profound influence on why she did what she did). Based on the information we do have though I feel her anger to her husband was largely misplaced (unless he did abuse her), as I believe her extended family and greater Indian society norms played a roll were all huge factors in her distress. I do not believe she was bigoted, but she probably did not know all that much about sexuality (how could she know in a society where sexuality and especially homosexuality, are still very much a taboo subjects) and she could not have done much in that situation due to many of the reasons I explained above. Overall, I believe that both her and her husband are victims of that society. You can't reconcile the two lifestyles. they are in total disagreement. or better put, naturally speaking the marriage was correct. the issue was, consciously speaking, he hid his hidden secret lifestyle. As I ponder the whole proverbial "enchilada", While in the US its becoming a passe thing to come out as gay, some countries are standing their ground and passed a law making his lifestyle illegal. that doesn't make the country bigots, it means the country has a law in place to make it illegal. Here in the US, Christians are being targetted. especially in the military, an article came out April 15, 2015 that shows the military is hostile to Christians http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/apr/15/us-military-losing-christians-because-of-hostile-c/?page=all . Does this mean they are bigots? by the term of bigotry yes. So this cuts both ways then. Gays call we christians intolerant because our faith tells us something is unnatural. So is there anyway to rectify this? no. because it is in our nature to disagree. the problem I have is, The church has allowed all these things to happen and have remained silent. so in closing, this issue will never go away. there will always be a struggle due to either sides beliefs that can never be reconciled. I think however this woman killing herself was due to her husbands treatment of her versus saying his being gay. the gay part is just the attraction to get people to read the article. though it could have played a part in the greater reason why she killed herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrobwx71 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I love how the people come out with the bigot comments. in some cultures it is a humility of mass proportions to be treates as she was and to find out the man that married her was gay. at some point, at some time, people have to be honest. But we are living in a time when right is wrong and wrong is right. While I disagree with her committing suicide personally, the devastation of marrying someone who lied to you doesn't make you a bigot rather, screwed over. and finally, homosexuality is illegal in India. a court in early 2014 criminalized homosexuality. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/indias-gay-community-scrambling-after-court-decision-recriminalises-homosexuality-9146244.html sorry just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them a bigot. so we can turn the tables on all these bigot screamers this is what intolerance. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bigot noun 1. a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion. so get the term correct before labelling. if someone disagrees and you call them a bigot, you're committing hypocrisy.. bigotry has nothing to do with sexual orientation and the term for creed http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/creed noun 1. any system, doctrine, or formula of religious belief, as of a denomination. 2. any system or codification of belief or of opinion. 3. an authoritative, formulated statement of the chief articles of Christian belief, as the Apostles' Creed, the Nicene Creed, or the Athanasian Creed. Soooo, according to the dictionary. The persons who are intolerant of Christianity or of persons that believe in God or are intolerant to heterosexuals are also bigots? Nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
domboy Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I can't believe how many people jumped to this guys defense just because he's gay (eg. calling her a bigot etc). This woman lived in a culture that has a long history of bad treatment of women. Yea maybe it's tough to be gay there, but for him to go ahead and marry her on false pretense to me is much worse, and then to be abusive on top of that! Who said she even had a real option to try to divorce him? In their society she'd probably be facing a major confrontation with both families if she attempted it, and if she did divorce him (or try to) there's also the chance she might have ended up dead as a victim of an honor killing for shaming the family(s). India is not in America or Western Europe... DoctorD 1 Share Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueMonolith Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I get that and I don't disagree. But the person I quoted said the article never actually said he was abusing her, that's all I was pointing out. And reading over it again the article also doesn't say she killed herself because he was gay as the title strongly implies. In fact nowhere but the title and the first sentence is it even mentioned that her husband was gay. Her suicide note on facebook never mentions it. The Suicide note mentions emotional torture...never physical. FFM is right, in india gay men are ostracised. Even the part you quoted doesnt indicate he was actually abusing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyond Godlike Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Not sure what was wrong here, but if the guy knew he was gay he should have ended it instead of continuing a crappy relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trag3dy Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 The Suicide note mentions emotional torture...never physical. FFM is right, in india gay men are ostracised. Even the part you quoted doesnt indicate he was actually abusing her. Yeah and I never said he was physically abusing her, either. Torture doesn't have to be physical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yeah and I never said he was physically abusing her, either. Torture doesn't have to be physical. Being married to a gay man in India, one who likely wouldn't perform his "husbandly duties", would be mental torture enough for any woman married to him if she hadn't known beforehand. There would be a massive amount of fear of the shame & humiliation she would go through if he were found out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alwaysonacoffebreak Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 A person kills herself because emontional torture and people say "good" "bigot" just because the article containts a word gay. Wow, what a bunch of hypocrites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 A person kills herself because emontional torture and people say "good" "bigot" just because the article containts a word gay. Wow, what a bunch of hypocrites. It's still bigotry. Whether it's individual or societal doesn't matter, bigotry is bigotry and it's for the individual to overcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alwaysonacoffebreak Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 It's still bigotry. Whether it's individual or societal doesn't matter, bigotry is bigotry and it's for the individual to overcome. Wow... I'm not sure if you're being serious right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Wow... I'm not sure if you're being serious right now... It takes the actions of individuals to break societal issues such as this. If you can't do that, you agree with the bigotry and deserve no sympathy. Of course, it all hinges on what really happened between the two, and that's unlikely to ever come to light. Either he actually did mentally abuse her, or she took the fact of him being gay as mental abuse. The former is unforgivable on his part and could make this a culpable homicide. The latter is HER issue and no sympathy is warranted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alwaysonacoffebreak Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Alright then, next time a gay person kills himself because he was mentally tortured, he was being a bigot himself and deserves no symphaty. Got it. Don't try to turn this against me, gays are just like every other person and will get the exact same treatment you just gave to a person who had nothing to do with the stuff you tried to tie her with. You are so far out of this world already, this is the second topic in a week I see you mindlessly defend people who are gay for no reason what so ever, even if the main topic had nothing to do with it. I suggest you to widen your narrow view on things to understand that not everything has to do with gays even if the clickbait headline says so. Go read the full description again. Your attitude towards this woman is unbelivable. The only bigot here is you at the moment. You demand respect for gay people, this attitude of yours is not the way to get it. Unless you didn't know, respect is not something you're born with. The second someone says or does something that you deem wrong they are bigot, sorry buddy, it doesn't work that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Fulcrum Subscriber¹ Posted April 27, 2015 Subscriber¹ Share Posted April 27, 2015 Does anyone else feel that she was really pretty. PhD and looks, but maybe a bit cuckoo... I'd still marry her. T3X4S and Jarrichvdv 2 Share Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Alright then, next time a gay person kills himself because he was mentally tortured, he was being a bigot himself and deserves no symphaty. Got it. Don't try to turn this against me, gays are just like every other person and will get the exact same treatment you just gave to a person who had nothing to do with the stuff you tried to tie her with. You are so far out of this world already, this is the second topic in a week I see you mindlessly defend people who are gay for no reason what so ever, even if the main topic had nothing to do with it. I suggest you to widen your narrow view on things to understand that not everything has to do with gays even if the clickbait headline says so. Go read the full description again. Your attitude towards this woman is unbelivable. The only bigot here is you at the moment. You demand respect for gay people, this attitude of yours is not the way to get it. Unless you didn't know, respect is not something you're born with. The second someone says or does something that you deem wrong they are bigot, sorry buddy, it doesn't work that way. And you call MY viewpoint narrow? I guess you didn't read half of my last post then. Go back, try again. shockz 1 Share Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torolol Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 From the stories its seem the wife discover her husband gayness after the marriage and not before it. For this reason I had no respect nor sympathy for the husband. I deem his way to get married with a woman for 'social shield/status' are cowardly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingFatMan Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 From the stories its seem the wife discover her husband gayness after the marriage and not before it. For this reason I had no respect nor sympathy for the husband. I deem his way to get married with a woman for 'social shield/status' are cowardly. On that, I can agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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