Difficulties...

[Circaflex]

7 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

@Circaflex What can I do with $800/mo, and for SSI, I can't have more than $2000 in my banking account. I don't work.

 

@game_over I pay her $525, plus $25, half of Internet cost. So $550

 

@SoCalRox I would if I could, but I can't drive. I don't work. So there's almost no income. I'm also afraid to be alone, this happened ever since I started having seizures.

 

@Rigby My income will never change, except from cost of living stuff...

 

 

I dont know why you quoted me to say that, I said in order to comfortably live on your own, I recommend your monthly wage be 2.5x your rent(so if your rent is 500 a month, you should bring in at minimum ~1250). I am well aware of what you said you bring in a month, I was just giving a general thought that I go by or recommend to those first time mover-outers. 

 

If you will only ever make that amount, you might want to find some roommates to help decrease the cost of living. If these are not options for you, I suggest having a sit down with your mother and being very straight forward with her. Bring up the things you said in this thread. If she still doesnt budge, there isn't anything any of us can do and it might be one of those things you just need to "deal with."

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

4 minutes ago, TAZMINATOR said:

I doubt it but try to tell her that she's imagining in her mind ... 

 

Tell her that your monitor goes off after the movie finishes.    Ask her if this bothers her, kindly ask her to close her door so she wouldn't worry about it. Including your door.

 

If not working, then there is only way to solve this is move out on your own if you can find a place based on your budget. If not, get a place that you can share with somebody so you both can split the bills.

 

If she doesn't believe this, ask her to come up after 2 hours after you start a movie.  She will see it in action then she will believe you from now on.

 

If your room has window, then she might be thinking of the glare is coming from the window such as lamppost/streetlight...  something like that... If so, you can cover the window with dark sheet or towel depends on how big the window is.

first sentence made me laugh... I'd go more toward with her eyesight...

 

I told her about this, she doesn't believe me. We both close our doors, not all the way, but just a creak open.

 

Yeah, but all my friends are spread around the world and married. I'd be risking my life with a stranger.

 

I think she "said" she say my monitor on, when she went to the bathroom at night around 3AM. My room is parallel to the bathroom. Doors meet each other.

 

I have drapes closed at the windows at night. there's little light that could ever come in.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

3 minutes ago, Circaflex said:

I dont know why you quoted me to say that, I said in order to comfortably live on your own, I recommend your monthly wage be 2.5x your rent(so if your rent is 500 a month, you should bring in at minimum ~1250). I am well aware of what you said you bring in a month, I was just giving a general thought that I go by or recommend to those first time mover-outers. 

 

If you will only ever make that amount, you might want to find some roommates to help decrease the cost of living. If these are not options for you, I suggest having a sit down with your mother and being very straight forward with her. Bring up the things you said in this thread. If she still doesnt budge, there isn't anything any of us can do and it might be one of those things you just need to "deal with."

If I'm not making $1k/mo, how can I save that money? That's what I'm getting at.

[Circaflex]

3 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

If I'm not making $1k/mo, how can I save that money? That's what I'm getting at.

I am so lost and confused as to why you are asking me. I am not sure why you chose 1k, but you can save money no matter the income you make. You need to be financially smart and get rid of luxuries. I honestly dont know what kind of answer you want from me and I still cant figure out why you are asking me this.

[TAZMINATOR]

9 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

first sentence made me laugh... I'd go more toward with her eyesight...

 

I told her about this, she doesn't believe me. We both close our doors, not all the way, but just a creak open.

 

Yeah, but all my friends are spread around the world and married. I'd be risking my life with a stranger.

 

I think she "said" she say my monitor on, when she went to the bathroom at night around 3AM. My room is parallel to the bathroom. Doors meet each other.

 

I have drapes closed at the windows at night. there's little light that could ever come in.

Since you have cranked door open ... maybe she caught the glare before she went to bathroom before the monitor gets shut down.  If so, tell her "don't worry ... it goes off every time I start a movie... I am not leaving it on all night..    I have the timer set in the settings".... Show the settings to her and she will believe.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

1 minute ago, Circaflex said:

I am so lost and confused as to why you are asking me. I am not sure why you chose 1k, but you can save money no matter the income you make. You need to be financially smart and get rid of luxuries. I honestly dont know what kind of answer you want from me and I still cant figure out why you are asking me this.

I'm asking you, because you seem to have a better idea. Unless you are a smart aleck, which I can not change.

 

1 minute ago, TAZMINATOR said:

Since you have cranked door open ... maybe she caught the glare before she went to bathroom before the monitor gets shut down.  If so, tell her "don't worry ... it goes off every time I start a movie... I am not leaving it on all night..    I have the timer set in the settings".... Show the settings to her and she will believe.

Haha, She doesn't know ###### about computers. Linux at that. I can try that, see how far I get...

[Circaflex]

1 minute ago, Mindovermaster said:

I'm asking you, because you seem to have a better idea. Unless you are a smart aleck, which I can not change.

 

Haha, She doesn't know ###### about computers. Linux at that. I can try that, see how far I get...

A better idea of what? How to save money? First thing would be to drop anything unncessary to living, IE cable TV, rearrange the phone plan, internet, etc. I dont know how you live now, nor do I know what you spend money on. From what you have described, you need to find a roommate. I guess that is my answer.

 

Have you thought about showing her the setup in action? Set if the way you do currently, have her come in the room and fast forward a movie to the end so she can see if shut off.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

We don't have Cable. I am on lowest plan for my cell phone. I'd only use mid-range Internet. Not the <1MB down ######... 

 

You want her to wait 10 minutes with me? LOL...

[Circaflex]

4 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

We don't have Cable. I am on lowest plan for my cell phone. I'd only use mid-range Internet. Not the <1MB down ######... 

 

You want her to wait 10 minutes with me? LOL...

Look, only you can make the decision. Have the damn talk with her, show her it in action. Why 10 minutes? It should take you just a few minutes to show her how it works. If your own mother wont spend a few minutes with you in order for you to demonstrate something, well she sounds like a terrible parent. Why do you keep shooting down valid advice? What more do you want from us? And your first sentence shows, you are not ready to live on your own, so you will either need to have the talk or just deal with it. Internet is a luxury, especially top tier, so if you arent willing to sacrifice small things in order to live on your own, you will be stuck with mom and dad.

[game_over]

38 minutes ago, Circaflex said:

It is fairly normal, but that also might depend on the state. I think I was paying 400-500 while I was in college, which is a huge bargain in the area I live in. Single studios out here go for minimum $900 in a "decent" area. So while, that might seem like a lot, it isn't enough to live on your own, at least in my area.

Thanks for the information.

 

38 minutes ago, SoCalRox said:

If my daughter had told me to shut up, or my stepson tried, they would find their things on the front porch and the door locked, with their keys in my hand. Even if you pay rent, that does not give you a right to be rude to your parents, and it doesn't mean you get to set your own rules.

 

As to $550... it depends on the house and where it is. Lots of variables.

Sorry, I did not mean it so literal - I would have found myself in the same position.

 

I just meant, paying that much (here in the UK at least thats very high - regardless of area its more than 50% of income) I'd be expecting not to have them on my back over small things like leaving a TV on.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

17 minutes ago, Circaflex said:

Look, only you can make the decision. Have the damn talk with her, show her it in action. Why 10 minutes? It should take you just a few minutes to show her how it works. If your own mother wont spend a few minutes with you in order for you to demonstrate something, well she sounds like a terrible parent. Why do you keep shooting down valid advice? What more do you want from us? And your first sentence shows, you are not ready to live on your own, so you will either need to have the talk or just deal with it. Internet is a luxury, especially top tier, so if you arent willing to sacrifice small things in order to live on your own, you will be stuck with mom and dad.

You didn't catch that, did you... It takes 10 minutes of no movement for the screen to shut off.....

 

She's extra protective of me, she's Mrs. Perfect. How can you ever change that?

 

I'm not shooting down advice, I'm telling you as it is. I've tried nearly all this stuff before. I am telling you, it will not work. Why am I asking you? Because I'm about to loose my head...

 

Am I ready to live alone? Have you read everything I said thus far? Sounds like you're missing information here.

 

I dealt with this for all my life, why are you trying to act like I'm a young child?

 

Talking isn't an option here, I can bet you that for $1000.

[Circaflex]

4 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

You didn't catch that, did you... It takes 10 minutes of no movement for the screen to shut off.....

So grab her after 7 or 8 minutes have gone by so there are only 2 minutes left?

 

5 minutes ago, Mindovermaster said:

Am I ready to live alone? Have you read everything I said thus far? Sounds like you're missing information here.

I am basing it off of what you have said. You do not make enough to live on your own, from what you have said and you don't sound like you're willing to give up some extra luxuries in order to live on your own. I am just basing my conclusions off the information you have given.

 

I am just unsure what advice you want if talking is not an option. I dunno, but I think I have given enough input, I am outta here.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

1 minute ago, Circaflex said:

So grab her after 7 or 8 minutes have gone by so there are only 2 minutes left?

 

I am basing it off of what you have said. You do not make enough to live on your own, from what you have said and you don't sound like you're willing to give up some extra luxuries in order to live on your own. I am just basing my conclusions off the information you have given.

 

I am just unsure what advice you want if talking is not an option. I dunno, but I think I have given enough input, I am outta here.

Extra luxeries? Other than my cell phone or Internet, I don't really pay for anything else...

[+Raze Subscriber²]

It seems with all of the very good advice given to you, you're still at an impasse.  Only you can resolve this with your Mom.  So bite the bullet and talk to her and carefully explain the situation/issues.  If that fails, you'll have to make changes and adapt.  Good luck. 

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

5 hours ago, Raze said:

It seems with all of the very good advice given to you, you're still at an impasse.  Only you can resolve this with your Mom.  So bite the bullet and talk to her and carefully explain the situation/issues.  If that fails, you'll have to make changes and adapt.  Good luck. 

Ain't that the truth...

 

I found 100 ways to adapt that my mom doesn't even know about.

 

Took us (Dad and me) long enough to get her to keep the Modem on at night...

[+Warwagon MVC]

On 3/29/2017 at 10:45 PM, Mindovermaster said:

Took us (Dad and me) long enough to get her to keep the Modem on at night...

 

 

I bet if she ever got fiber-optics her head would explode.

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

20 minutes ago, warwagon said:

I bet if she ever got fiber-optics her head would explode.

Yeah, sadly it's not available in our area yet...

[Skiver Veteran]

In all honesty, I think the only advice needed here is to turn your monitor off like she's asking you too. For as long as you cannot afford to move out, you live under her rules, regardless of whether you agree with them or not. Unless you can figure out exactly what she's complaining about (because it seems you haven't) then you can't "fix it" and neither can we.

 

If you're unsure about whether you can afford to move out then you need setup a monthly budget and work it out, it won't take you too long. It's simple, how much money comes in, how much money will need to go out to live - saving has nothing to do with this other than maybe being able to put down a deposit/buy furniture. 

 

If you can't afford to get your own place, you'll get it for a lot cheaper and chances are bills will end up included to make it easier to budget for.

 

 

 

 

[Daedroth]

I presume that the computer is located in your bedroom, since you're sticking the film on to help you sleep? Do you sleep with the bedroom door open? If so, can you not close it? If she also complains about light coming from under the door, use a draft excluder or some such thing to block the bottom or the door so the light can't get out.

[Luc2k]

Set the media player to turn of your PC once the movie is finished. That still doesn't resolve the issue if she drops by while the movie is playing. Maybe she means noise from the case running when she says monitor.

 

At any rate, I'd say shut the system down and listen to audiobooks on your phone & earphones. See if that has the same effect of putting you to sleep.

[SoCalRox]

On 3/29/2017 at 4:21 PM, Mindovermaster said:

 

 I would if I could, but I can't drive. I don't work. So there's almost no income. I'm also afraid to be alone, this happened ever since I started having seizures.

 

 

 

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you have no income it is up to you to remedy that. Don't use seizures as an excuse.

 

That is not meant to be critical or cold, just realistic. The world cares little that I can't walk on my own or that you have seizures. Grab the world by the b*lls and take it on.

[SoCalRox]

On 3/29/2017 at 5:22 PM, Mindovermaster said:

You didn't catch that, did you... It takes 10 minutes of no movement for the screen to shut off.....

 

She's extra protective of me, she's Mrs. Perfect. How can you ever change that?

 

I'm not shooting down advice, I'm telling you as it is. I've tried nearly all this stuff before. I am telling you, it will not work. Why am I asking you? Because I'm about to loose my head...

 

Am I ready to live alone? Have you read everything I said thus far? Sounds like you're missing information here.

 

I dealt with this for all my life, why are you trying to act like I'm a young child?

 

Talking isn't an option here, I can bet you that for $1000.

Mind... a few points for you to learn. (Gads, that sounds snarky- please take that as meant in kindness, not coldness. I seem to need to keep explaining that in this thread...)

1. Adjust the time to blank the screen to less. 
2. Protective? She's your mom. I hope some day there is a Mindoverminor that comes into your life, and then you'll understand. We're parents. We're here to make sure our kids grow up to be good adults. We love our kids, but we owe them parents, not buddies. You remind me of everyone your age (-ish) I've ever known. You actually seem like a pretty good guy because you are trying to find a way to resolve this, and not turn it into a big explosive fight. That's maturity, and I know people my own age- I'm in my 60s- that still haven't figured that out. Cut your mom a little slack. Just as it is your job to want to spread the wings and escape into the world, it's her job to protect you, watch over you, and prepare you for that time. But especially for moms, that last step is really hard.

 

As to living alone- you will be ready once you realize you are. When I was 18, I was indeed ready. My 20 year old stepson is not ready, though in many ways he is a much better and stronger person than I was back then. Don't push yourself into it before you know you are ready. 

Try to talk with your mom again, and do so calmly and with a good list of points to make. Even if she loses her cool, hold yours tightly. Do what you can from letting it turn heated. But also accept that it is still her home, and thus, her rules.

 

Good luck, Mind. 

[Mindovermaster Global Moderator]

Seizures was only one part of that, but it really caused me to jump off the bridge. I won't go into the big story here, but I have had a lot of medical mishaps in my life.

 

The #1 reason my mom is protective of me is because i had a brain tumor at age 3. Ever since then, everything I wanted to try, she swats it down, saying it is too dangerous. I never took gym in Middle or High School because of this. It's too dangerous. This is what I mean by overprotective.