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Today, we ate pizza with red wine and squirrels when, oversized elephants wearing pink racing condoms busted and then my rectum talked loudly, everyone thought that I would burst out in flames but I didn?t stink that much except when the dog took a huge crap on my pink tutu inside the imac cdrom dildo 2001 competition featuring elephants alongside squirrels armed with torpedoes aimed directly over Bill my pot-belly pig and pushed my cancerous clock into a hat filled with Horse sh*t and turnips that always gets eaten with strawberry yoghurt pots, except when sleeping hairy feet covered with gravy stains and stuck to burning ashes among giggling daisies flying towards my throbbing member of parliament called that. That said who licks p***y shall upside himself into pulsating his excessively large hole-punch through his mothers goat brother and vomits on his pet d**k.

Meanwhile the renovations being when friends explode. Tuesday evening my sister started smacking purple Cambodians with dead chickens and tuna fish paste which had hazelnuts squeezed into vibrating drums. The chickens only masturbated in line before being vomited on. We all ate Phongs that smelled of old sweaty ****roaches wrapped with pastry, shortcrust and evil fellow squirrels. Why did the GDI attack Lesbians-R-Us? Because they had illegal donuts covered with warez-cds labeled... "Windows XP Professional.?So Lezbianz-R-Us, sold them all to Apple-Corp, but it didn?t work because 128 necrophiliacs came and chewed flaming maggots and Jelly babies.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, (the) Tonto, disguised as a door, disposed (something?) into buckets filled with strawberry turkey stew. George-Dubbya hired professionally trained monkeys to dig through the rooftops with plastic ######! ....Well, after the shambler screwed the necrophiliac against Intel's Pentium 9000 GHz cow flavored shotguns. Microsoft said "Chickens MUST cross activation before 20 years of good dedication. Sexy Jemima, the squirrel, dances with wolves that won?t bite Mr. [insert your name here]. Is the cheese fat? Yes. But what? It was designed to make Linux RedHat chocolate gummy bears scrumptious! So the slimy PCI Slots thought about going fisting donkeys..... REBOOT... LOADING WINDOWS XP... *STOP* ...

Suddenly, Grandpa Joe noticed sumthin weird inside computer monthly, his mother suddenly made love with page 62 and page 63. Sex0red the 9 inch long penis extension under the hummer started to procrastinate over the thought of smelling like rotting c**chie and (you're an odd bunch...) looking like a hemorrhoid covered baboons ass which tastes like pudding with tomatoes and carrots. At this time Penelope was having an ice cream steak that tastes like Captain Phatty.

Meanwhile the squirrel was talking hornyly to my favorite microwave (who!), sang about blowup hamburgers. Then out of nowhere some aliens from Mars took his moustache long and white and burnt it. This cheesed off Mister Micro$oft Man because Gill Bates urinated for years on OIGNYBOINGY!

Sightings of Bin-Laden being F**ked by sum x-rayed cows huffin glue showed up on Jeopardy do'n the nasty with a nuclear missile. Suddenly Strom Thurmond yelled "Pigeons don't dress wolves unless you take off their nerfherders and suspenders"

500 Miles away Jack was having sex with a moose!

Underage teens need porn stardom with School Football Players'S assistance. This results in teenage suicide escalations that result in a total catastrophe! And reduction in "male testosterone levels"

Today's weather expect 99% chance of a XP warez thunderstorm in Bill Gates' country that will result in a conspiracy involving stripers with amazingly interesting boobs. Meanwhile your mom drank waaaaaay too much alcoholic beverages and the moose was not imprisoned by monks who had anal pudding. The monkeys began typing "President Bush had little underpants filled with itching polar bear manure that steamed at perpendicular triangulation in relation to his body." Then, suddenly the Neowinians ejaculated lots of pink cotton-candy DNA with chips.

Meanwhile... Mc Donald's was attacked by robots wielding Palm m500's. Eeeek said the spider, smoking another blunt cigar. Then elephants raised their hoofs because in Jamaica the fear of squirrels have terrified their brains and eaten beans all day long!

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH:

Reboot

Loading Windows XP Professional

Please wait...

Damn that's good!

Therefore, plasma screen TV rules all. Bill Gates what the fudge? Penguins playing trumpets with their butts. This is revolting, but he went pee on boo and spontaneously combusted.

Weekend Update: There has been a terrible tragedy....

I'm Brian Fellows in Tiananmen Square buying "The script of this thread: Summarized by Phil Gates: Danke" Suddenly ants would be considered as offspring because the killer whale; THE END; The end IS NEAR. Well, Grandpa dissolved into tiny bits of goo right on, MAN! But, although some may say the goo tasted like chicken and smelled like fish... I cooked myself a big fat dish of sardines, but willywonka my cat, ate the sardines and took a dump in my new saut? pan, pee'ed in my whiskey and tickled my best friends nut-sack.

Meanwhile, squirrels have secks in the bushes during a full hurricane in Coconut Grove, Florida. Suddenly a bolt of lightning crashed down and killed the secksing squirrels cause I got high on women!

Frequent flyer miles collected by beer drinkers and Kheldar ate Chicken mayonnaise with catsup and fries near Ronnie Davees who shoved potatoes up his hamster?s azz, slowly. Boring but delightful. **** I was gonna post something, but I just got fired from my job... ****ing fegs. So pigs flew throughout the inside of a fishbowl and were shot down by Afghanistan missiles, the US reacted by burning incense non-stop inside of their Playboy printing factory which unfortunately printed 2,000,000 pics of Britney fully clothed by accident but little did we know Britney was a man, so it was good that the pictures were fully clothed. Though people still liked it all over 5 cents. Maybe that?s why we started this whole thing. In the end, the monkeys and all of Neowin were happy. But wait...... what about the Playboy magazines? It turned out to be Janet Reno with her new breast implants.

THE END..... And its final more did we know.

Or is it?

stay tuned

Same Neowin time

Same Neowin channel

voice>

The terrifying situation featuring testicles stewing in a red hot office assistant by the security guard who ate chicken pina colada salad with a side order of cumfilled peppers which were more spicy than usual and caused and unexpected smell to arise and knocked out anyone who smelt it like the spleen to play volleyball by the seaside with hot naked chicks. Little Normy got lucky, didn?t get hurt nor saddened. But suddenly!! a tornado sucked Homer....

Today, we ate pizza with red wine and squirrels when, oversized elephants wearing pink socks and wore green box0rz with red white and blue, and a t-shirt that read God Bless America was proudly worn by Osama Bin Laden! George W. Bush who liked to bomb the crap out of Afghanistan. YAY Cheered Rudy and all New Yorkers. Only crap tastes good, why did you say why? Because I felt like it, and it was worth it because? Wonderful! The beer I drank transformed into a cyber monkey spanking psycho Microsoft. While creatures infested with herpes trying to eat maggots with gonnoria and elaphantitus of the testicles of an octopus which swelled up into a balloon that dropped him in the new Neowin chat room where he farted loudly like bombs in Afghanistan falling out of the sky.

They hit the water bottle that shattered like a turd from a rotten ######. Suddenly, Microsoft Bob Saget started boring with stupid Fire breathing camels and LCD Imac2 while -FX- was trying to eat toddlers but then his pants lit on fire. Causing an ecological disaster on BSOD island, when 3nd3r climbed upon his lazydesert? and zoomed off to his personal jet and drank till he passed out, and ended up on beer **** and when vinh smacked himself on 3nd3rs big head 3nd3r kicked vinh in the butt, but it seemed very mushy because 3nd3rs mum killed Vinh's toilet seat and shot vinh's Pinky friend, 3nd3r. And then the end.

But the next day, it was sunny and purple, with a thick haze of green fog

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    • Google begins rolling out its post-Epic Play Store billing model next week by Karthik Mudaliar Google has confirmed that its redesigned Play Store billing and fee structure will take effect on June 30, 2026, in the United States, the United Kingdom, and the European Economic Area. The changes will let eligible developers offer their own payment systems or send users to an external website for purchases, while separating Google’s platform service fee from the cost of using Google Play Billing. The rollout puts concrete dates and detailed rate cards behind the broader Android policy overhaul Google announced in March. That announcement followed a proposed settlement with Epic Games intended to resolve their long-running disputes over app distribution and payments, although the U.S. portion of the agreement still requires court approval. Under the new billing choice program, developers selling digital content or services can display an alternative payment option alongside Google Play Billing. They may also direct users to their own websites to complete a purchase. Developers can use Google’s standard payment-choice screen or design one that complies with the company’s user-interface rules. Choosing another payment processor does not eliminate Google’s cut altogether. The company will continue charging a service fee for transactions associated with apps distributed through Google Play, regardless of whether payment is handled by Google, an alternative provider, or a developer’s website. Google argues that this fee covers the value and infrastructure provided by Android and the Play Store. For developers earning up to $1 million annually, the service fee will generally be 10 percent. That rate also applies to auto-renewing subscriptions. When Google Play Billing is used in the U.S., U.K., or EEA, Google will add a separate 5 percent billing fee, and developers processing payments elsewhere will not pay that additional charge. This means Google’s familiar flat 30 percent commission is disappearing, but developers will not necessarily see a dramatic reduction on every transaction. An in-app purchase from an existing user processed through Google Play Billing can still reach a combined 30 percent. The biggest savings are likely to come from subscriptions, smaller developers covered by the $1 million tier, and companies able to move customers to their own payment infrastructure. Google is also offering lower rates through its Apps Experience and revamped Games Level Up programs. Apps and games that satisfy the company’s requirements can qualify for 15 percent service fees on new-install transactions and 20 percent on existing-install transactions. The criteria include performance and reliability standards, support for additional Android device categories, and selected platform features. Those program rates are scheduled to become available in the initial markets and Australia on September 30. For consumers, the immediate effect will depend on whether developers adopt alternative payments and pass any savings on through lower prices. For developers, however, June 30 begins a more flexible but considerably more complicated Play Store economy in which distribution, billing, install dates, revenue thresholds, and program participation can each affect Google’s final cut. Google is also separately developing a Registered App Stores program designed to simplify the installation of qualifying third-party stores. That initiative is expected to arrive with a major Android release later in 2026 and will launch outside the U.S. first. Google says the rest of the world will receive the changes by September 30, 2027, although billing rates for markets outside the US, UK, and EEA have not yet been announced.
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