Aussie summer

By SMeK
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

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Grand Master

SMeK Veteran

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You know you're in an Australian Summer When-

a.. The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance.

b.. Hot water comes out of both taps.

c.. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

d.. The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly.

e.. You discover that in February it only takes two fingers to steer your

car.

f.. You discover that you can get sunburnt through your car window.

g.. You develop a fear of metal car door handles.

h.. You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30am.

i.. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end

up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

j.. You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.

k.. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to prevent them from

laying hard-boiled eggs.

l.. The cows are giving evaporated milk.

m.. The trees are whistling for the dogs.

_________________________________________________________________

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Grand Master

oldmate15

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lol heh I am an Aussie and the following ones I found were true.

a.. The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance. and yeah, I'm serious about that

f.. You discover that you can get sunburnt through your car window. dosent that happen anywhere else?

g.. You develop a fear of metal car door handles. not really a fear, but not looking forward to opening the door...

h.. You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30am. only in the middle of summer

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dblair

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Makes me want to visit Oz even more now that we're heading into Autumn here in the the middle of the U.S.A.

But... those comments would be just as true in South Florida in the summer... (or even here in July or August!)

I'd still love to see the Great Barrier reef or Uluru. (I know... why travel across the planet to see a big rock? Because it's on the other side of the world!)

Very funny list!) :D

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Grand Master

altezza Veteran

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Speaking from my experience with aussie summer, yes they're all true. Imagine how hot aussie summer is, with the temperature reaching 40 degrees celcius or more, easy to get sweat and I scared of getting sunburn in my skin. Even at one night last January the night temperature reached 33 degrees and I can't even sleep, turning the fan on will make my room hotter so I did not use blanket and I have to sleep with no shirt on...that still make me sleeping uncomfortable during the night :s

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Experienced

Mango

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n. while walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the carpark.

o. you catch a cold from having the aircon full blast while you sleep during the night.

p. you pray that your train will have airconditioning, and if it doesn't, waiting an extra 15 minutes for one is worth it.

:)

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Rising Star

thisispete

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  eosKENuids2 said:
my god.... you've mad me hate summer even more. I HATE AUSTRALIAN SUMMER. BEING STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE (Mildura, Vic.). NO EASY WAY TO GET COOL (air conditioners dont really work in this heat, unless they're on for 3 weeks straight)

bloke, u live in VIC... come to QLD ;)

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Grand Master

Keldyn

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During summer, you can't walk outside without wanting to die. A hideous, pestilential heat that makes you feel like your skin is melting, sloughing off your body in waves. The bright, horrendous sun, beaming it's boiling light onto you and everything else, burning and scorching and hurting your eyes. 100% humidity, and every step you take leeches another precious bit of moisture from your body as you sweat from pores you didn't even know you had, rotting and stinking like a week-old corpse, while flies and clouds of gnats swirl around your face, your eyes, your ears; everywhere you look, vermin and insects on scale of Biblical plague proportions.

And I hate every smiling brainless half-wit who says they like summer. It's a lie - pure and simple. They get into their air-conditioned cars and drive to their air-conditioned homes or office, and they say they like summer. I say, you like this miserable heat so much, why do you turn the AC to 'Arctic Ice Blast'? Turn your air conditioner off; we'll see how much you like the summer then, eh. Put down your refreshingly iced beverage from Starbucks, put down that chilled bottle of water you carry

around - then we'll see what's what. You don't like this miserable, consuming, nightmarish heat - you tolerate it because of internal climate-control technology, freon, ester oil, and Frappucino. Without these luxuries you'd be nothing more than a puddle of melted flesh on the broiling asphalt.

F*** the goddamned summer, and to every nitwit that smiles at me from behind a cash register and says "Lovely weather eh?" as they wipe another bead of sweat from their foreheads, my stockphrase reply is succinct:

Go f*** yourself :crazy:

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Grand Master

Redmondian

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  Keldyn said:
During summer, you can't walk outside without wanting to die. A hideous, pestilential heat that makes you feel like your skin is melting, sloughing off your body in waves. The bright, horrendous sun, beaming it's boiling light onto you and everything else, burning and scorching and hurting your eyes. 100% humidity, and every step you take leeches another precious bit of moisture from your body as you sweat from pores you didn't even know you had, rotting and stinking like a week-old corpse, while flies and clouds of gnats swirl around your face, your eyes, your ears; everywhere you look, vermin and insects on scale of Biblical plague proportions.

And I hate every smiling brainless half-wit who says they like summer. It's a lie - pure and simple. They get into their air-conditioned cars and drive to their air-conditioned homes or office, and they say they like summer. I say, you like this miserable heat so much, why do you turn the AC to 'Arctic Ice Blast'? Turn your air conditioner off; we'll see how much you like the summer then, eh. Put down your refreshingly iced beverage from Starbucks, put down that chilled bottle of water you carry

around - then we'll see what's what. You don't like this miserable, consuming, nightmarish heat - you tolerate it because of internal climate-control technology, freon, ester oil, and Frappucino. Without these luxuries you'd be nothing more than a puddle of melted flesh on the broiling asphalt.

F*** the goddamned summer, and to every nitwit that smiles at me from behind a cash register and says "Lovely weather eh?" as they wipe another bead of sweat from their foreheads, my stockphrase reply is succinct:

Go f*** yourself :crazy:

Agreed! I hate summer too. Only fools and soda drink companies like summer.. Especially here in South Australia.

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Grand Master

BananaMan

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  Keldyn said:
During summer, you can't walk outside without wanting to die. A hideous, pestilential heat that makes you feel like your skin is melting, sloughing off your body in waves. The bright, horrendous sun, beaming it's boiling light onto you and everything else, burning and scorching and hurting your eyes. 100% humidity, and every step you take leeches another precious bit of moisture from your body as you sweat from pores you didn't even know you had, rotting and stinking like a week-old corpse, while flies and clouds of gnats swirl around your face, your eyes, your ears; everywhere you look, vermin and insects on scale of Biblical plague proportions.

And I hate every smiling brainless half-wit who says they like summer. It's a lie - pure and simple. They get into their air-conditioned cars and drive to their air-conditioned homes or office, and they say they like summer. I say, you like this miserable heat so much, why do you turn the AC to 'Arctic Ice Blast'? Turn your air conditioner off; we'll see how much you like the summer then, eh. Put down your refreshingly iced beverage from Starbucks, put down that chilled bottle of water you carry

around - then we'll see what's what. You don't like this miserable, consuming, nightmarish heat - you tolerate it because of internal climate-control technology, freon, ester oil, and Frappucino. Without these luxuries you'd be nothing more than a puddle of melted flesh on the broiling asphalt.

F*** the goddamned summer, and to every nitwit that smiles at me from behind a cash register and says "Lovely weather eh?" as they wipe another bead of sweat from their foreheads, my stockphrase reply is succinct:

Go f*** yourself :crazy:

Say uh, that wouldn't be a pet peeve of yours would it Keldyn? :p

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