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Old Alphabet :

A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The New Alphabet:

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for farting and fluid retention, G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.

H is for high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what's happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..

W for worry, X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y is for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

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