The Crab & The Lobster

By Dahoe
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

 Share

Recommended Posts

Enthusiast

Dahoe

Posted
Posted

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were

madly,deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an

idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in

tears.

"We can't see each other anymore..." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Declan.

"Daddy says that crabs are too common", she wailed. "He claims you

are a mere crab and a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class

of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry

someone who can only walk sideways."

Declan was shattered and scuttled sideways away into the darkness and

began to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.

That night the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters

came from far and wide, dancing and merry making But the Lobster

Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's

side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab

strode in! The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess

gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.

Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the

Floor....and all could see that he was walking, not sideways, but

FORWARDS!!!! One crab claw after another!

Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until

he finally looked King Lobster in the eye.

There was a deadly hush.

Finally, Declan spoke.......

"Jaysus, I'm locked"

Link to comment
https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/142055-the-crab-the-lobster/
Share on other sites
Grand Master

forster

Posted
Posted

Two things that abhor me - people who cut and paste she-yight jokes from other sites, and people who dont format

their

lines

to the length that the

forum

g

i

v

es

you.

It doesnt make you look clever.

Mentor

devilotX

Posted
Posted

The punchline as been censured, thats causing the confusion

The punchline should be F*ck I'm P*ssed

P*ssed being a term used to mean extremly drunk, So the crab was so drunk he walked forward instead of sideways.

Sorry for pooching the curse filter.. but there was no other way

Veteran

Iguana

Posted
Posted
The punchline as been censured, thats causing the confusion

The punchline should be F*ck I'm P*ssed

P*ssed being a term used to mean extremly drunk, So the crab was so drunk he walked forward instead of sideways.

Sorry for pooching the curse filter.. but there was no other way

Ohhhh.... now I get it. LOL.

@Anita: When you're drunk, you can't walk straight, you usually stagger side-to-side. Consequently, when the crab got drunk, he walked straight, instead of side-to-side.

This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Posts

    • Why you need to take back control of your synced passwords and how to go about doing that

      By +Warwagon · Posted

      I love syncback!
    • Politically funny images of the World

      By +primortal · Posted

    • Get $50 of aloSIM Mobile Data Traveler eSim credit for just $24.97

      By News Staff · Posted

      Get $50 of aloSIM Mobile Data Traveler eSim credit for just $24.97 by Steven Parker Today's highlighted deal comes via our Apps + Software section of the Neowin Deals store, where you can save 50% off aloSIM Mobile Data Traveler Lifetime eSim Credit: Pay $24.97 for $50. Stay connected affordably in 120+ countries/regions with your own lifetime eSIM! An eSIM is a digital SIM card. It's basically just mobile data. Once it's activated on your device, it can connect you to data networks in other countries – giving you an internet connection with NO roaming charges. With aloSIM, you can load prepaid eSIM data packages onto your phone, tablet, or computer. Your lifetime eSIM never expires, so it's yours forever and there are never any monthly charges. You'll get $50 in eSIM data credit, which is almost always enough to cover all your data roaming needs for a full year. But if you run out of data, you can always top up your lifetime eSIM and stay connected internationally. Pay $24.97 for a lifetime eSIM with $50 in travel data credit Use your eSIM to join data networks in 120+ countries Install your lifetime eSIM on a compatible device to roam on local data networks Your lifetime eSIM never expires, and can be topped up with more data anytime Many data packages cost as little as $4.50 and last 7 days. Depending on the package you choose, the length of time varies. Good to know Length of access: lifetime For NEW customers only Instant digital redemption Once you add your $50 credit to your aloSim account you have up to 12-months to use it — after that your credit will expire When you pay for a data plan you also get a free phone number (via Hushed) for the same duration of your plan that was purchased - IE 7 day eSim plan gives you a free 7-day phone number Purchased coupon must be redeemed and used within 12 months This deal is not stackable (one offer per aloSIM account) A $4.50 data package will last 7 days The data DOES expire, and you WILL NOT have any leftover data for your next trip unless it takes place within the validity period. While the eSIM never expires, the actual data package is only valid for the length of time stated at purchase (i.e. seven days after activation, 30 days after activation, etc.) So if you buy a seven-day package and only use a tiny bit, that package is still going to expire after seven days. Access options: mobile (check compatibility) Max number of device(s): 1 Updates included Here's the deal: This aloSIM Mobile Data Traveler eSim $50 Credit normally costs ... $50, but it can be yours for just $24.97 for a limited time, a saving of $25 (50% off). For specifications, and license info please click the link below. Get this aloSIM Mobile Data Traveler eSim for just $24.97 (was $50) Although priced in U.S. dollars, this deal is available for digital purchase worldwide. Support queries If you have queries or need support for any of the Neowin Deals, please use the contact form here. Neowin Deals are managed and sold by StackCommerce who represent Neowin on an affiliate basis. Why we post these deals We post these because we earn commission on each sale so as not to rely solely on advertising, which many of our readers block. It all helps toward paying staff reporters, servers and hosting costs. So for those that keep moaning and complaining, be thankful we're still online for you to even do that. Other ways to support Neowin Whitelist Neowin by not blocking our ads Create a free member account to see fewer ads Make a donation to support our day to day running costs Subscribe to Neowin - for $14 a year, or $28 a year for an ad-free experience Disclosure: Neowin benefits from revenue of each sale made through our branded deals site powered by StackCommerce.
    • The Microsoft Office feature that time forgot

      By Fraud OS 11 · Posted

      WordArt was cool. We now have color fonts as a substitute although Word only supports COLRv0 and COLRv1 (Fraud OS 11 only). The OpenType SVG color font format needs to be supported by Office. Adobe's apps support it
    • Why you need to take back control of your synced passwords and how to go about doing that

      By fintechfooty · Posted

      i backup my files, incl keepass to my proton drive using Syncback which i paid for (thanks Warwagon!). they have a free version but i can't remember what it does and doesn't do anymore. anyways, it's really, really simple and easy to use. i also periodically keep backups of my keepass onsite especially when i've changed or added a password that is important to me. if you don't wanna spend time on the syncthing setup, get syncback. haha i even got my dad to use it for his backups to usb and he doesn't even need my help!!! (thank god!)

  • Recent Achievements

    • First Post
      DrWankel earned a badge
      First Post
    • Reacting Well
      DrWankel earned a badge
      Reacting Well
    • Week One Done
      Supreme Spray LV earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • One Month Later
      Genuinetonerink- Dubai earned a badge
      One Month Later
    • Week One Done
      Genuinetonerink- Dubai earned a badge
      Week One Done

  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      497
    2. 2
      +Edouard
      158
    3. 3
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      90
    4. 4
      Steven P.
      74
    5. 5
      Michael Scrip
      72
    Show More

  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!