Recommended Posts

  • 3 weeks later...

* Damn! That's the most hillarious thread I've seen! But next time, use only one word instead of a phrase of them! :D Anyway, here's the recap :

Chapter 1

Today, we ate pizza with red wine and squirrels when, oversized elephants wearing pink racing condoms busted and then my rectum talked loudly, everyone thought that I would burst out in flames but I didn?t stink that much except when the dog took a huge crap on my pink tutu inside the imac cdrom dildo 2001 competition featuring elephants alongside squirrels armed with torpedoes aimed directly over Bill my pot-belly pig and pushed my cancerous clock into a hat filled with Horse sh*t and turnips that always gets eaten with strawberry yoghurt pots, except when sleeping hairy feet covered with gravy stains and stuck to burning ashes among giggling daisies flying towards my throbbing member of parliament called that. That said who licks p***y shall upside himself into pulsating his excessively large hole-punch through his mothers goat brother and vomits on his pet d**k.

Meanwhile the renovations being when friends explode. Tuesday evening my sister started smacking purple Cambodians with dead chickens and tuna fish paste which had hazelnuts squeezed into vibrating drums. The chickens only masturbated in line before being vomited on. We all ate Phongs that smelled of old sweaty ****roaches wrapped with pastry, shortcrust and evil fellow squirrels. Why did the GDI attack Lesbians-R-Us? Because they had illegal donuts covered with warez-cds labeled... "Windows XP Professional.?So Lezbianz-R-Us, sold them all to Apple-Corp, but it didn?t work because 128 necrophiliacs came and chewed flaming maggots and Jelly babies.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, (the) Tonto, disguised as a door, disposed (something?) into buckets filled with strawberry turkey stew. George-Dubbya hired professionally trained monkeys to dig through the rooftops with plastic ######! ....Well, after the shambler screwed the necrophiliac against Intel's Pentium 9000 GHz cow flavored shotguns. Microsoft said "Chickens MUST cross activation before 20 years of good dedication. Sexy Jemima, the squirrel, dances with wolves that won?t bite Mr. [insert your name here]. Is the cheese fat? Yes. But what? It was designed to make Linux RedHat chocolate gummy bears scrumptious! So the slimy PCI Slots thought about going fisting donkeys..... REBOOT... LOADING WINDOWS XP... *STOP* ...

Suddenly, Grandpa Joe noticed sumthin weird inside computer monthly, his mother suddenly made love with page 62 and page 63. Sex0red the 9 inch long penis extension under the hummer started to procrastinate over the thought of smelling like rotting c**chie and (you're an odd bunch...) looking like a hemorrhoid covered baboons ass which tastes like pudding with tomatoes and carrots. At this time Penelope was having an ice cream steak that tastes like Captain Phatty.

Meanwhile the squirrel was talking hornyly to my favorite microwave (who!), sang about blowup hamburgers. Then out of nowhere some aliens from Mars took his moustache long and white and burnt it. This cheesed off Mister Micro$oft Man because Gill Bates urinated for years on OIGNYBOINGY!

Sightings of Bin-Laden being F**ked by sum x-rayed cows huffin glue showed up on Jeopardy do'n the nasty with a nuclear missile. Suddenly Strom Thurmond yelled "Pigeons don't dress wolves unless you take off their nerfherders and suspenders"

500 Miles away Jack was having sex with a moose!

Underage teens need porn stardom with School Football Players'S assistance. This results in teenage suicide escalations that result in a total catastrophe! And reduction in "male testosterone levels"

Today's weather expect 99% chance of a XP warez thunderstorm in Bill Gates' country that will result in a conspiracy involving strippers with amazingly interesting boobs. Meanwhile your mom drank waaaaaay too much alcoholic beverages and the moose was not imprisoned by monks who had anal pudding. The monkeys began typing "President Bush had little underpants filled with itching polar bear manure that steamed at perpendicular triangulation in relation to his body." Then, suddenly the Neowinians ejaculated lots of pink cotton-candy DNA with chips.

Meanwhile... Mc Donald's was attacked by robots wielding Palm m500's. Eeeek said the spider, smoking another blunt cigar. Then elephants raised their hoofs because in Jamaica the fear of squirrels have terrified their brains and eaten beans all day long!

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH:

Reboot

Loading Windows XP Professional

Please wait...

Damn that's good!

Therefore, plasma screen TV rules all. Bill Gates what the fudge? Penguins playing trumpets with their butts. This is revolting, but he went pee on boo and spontaneously combusted.

Weekend Update: There has been a terrible tragedy....

I'm Brian Fellows in Tiananmen Square buying "The script of this thread: Summarized by Phil Gates: Danke" Suddenly ants would be considered as offspring because the killer whale; THE END; The end IS NEAR. Well, Grandpa dissolved into tiny bits of goo right on, MAN! But, although some may say the goo tasted like chicken and smelled like fish... I cooked myself a big fat dish of sardines, but willywonka my cat, ate the sardines and took a dump in my new saut? pan, pee'ed in my whiskey and tickled my best friends nut-sack.

Meanwhile, squirrels have secks in the bushes during a full hurricane in Coconut Grove, Florida. Suddenly a bolt of lightning crashed down and killed the secksing squirrels cause I got high on women!

Frequent flyer miles collected by beer drinkers and Kheldar ate Chicken mayonnaise with catsup and fries near Ronnie Davees who shoved potatoes up his hamster?s azz, slowly. Boring but delightful. **** I was gonna post something, but I just got fired from my job... ****ing fegs. So pigs flew throughout the inside of a fishbowl and were shot down by Afghanistan missiles, the US reacted by burning incense non-stop inside of their Playboy printing factory which unfortunately printed 2,000,000 pics of Britney fully clothed by accident but little did we know Britney was a man, so it was good that the pictures were fully clothed. Though people still liked it all over 5 cents. Maybe that?s why we started this whole thing. In the end, the monkeys and all of Neowin were happy. But wait...... what about the Playboy magazines? It turned out to be Janet Reno with her new breast implants.

THE END..... And its final more did we know.

Or is it?

stay tuned

Same Neowin time

Same Neowin channel

voice>

The terrifying situation featuring testicles stewing in a red hot office assistant by the security guard who ate chicken pina colada salad with a side order of cumfilled peppers which were more spicy than usual and caused and unexpected smell to arise and knocked out anyone who smelt it like the spleen to play volleyball by the seaside with hot naked chicks. Little Normy got lucky, didn?t get hurt nor saddened. But suddenly!! a tornado sucked Homer....

Today, we ate pizza with red wine and squirrels when, oversized elephants wearing pink socks and wore green box0rz with red white and blue, and a t-shirt that read God Bless America was proudly worn by Osama Bin Laden! George W. Bush who liked to bomb the crap out of Afghanistan. YAY Cheered Rudy and all New Yorkers. Only crap tastes good, why did you say why? Because I felt like it, and it was worth it because? Wonderful! The beer I drank transformed into a cyber monkey spanking psycho Microsoft. While creatures infested with herpes trying to eat maggots with gonnoria and elaphantitus of the testicles of an octopus which swelled up into a balloon that dropped him in the new Neowin chat room where he farted loudly like bombs in Afghanistan falling out of the sky.

They hit the water bottle that shattered like a turd from a rotten ######. Suddenly, Microsoft Bob Saget started boring with stupid Fire breathing camels and LCD Imac2 while -FX- was trying to eat toddlers but then his pants lit on fire. Causing an ecological disaster on BSOD island, when 3nd3r climbed upon his lazydesert? and zoomed off to his personal jet and drank till he passed out, and ended up on beer **** and when vinh smacked himself on 3nd3rs big head 3nd3r kicked vinh in the butt, but it seemed very mushy because 3nd3rs mum killed Vinh's toilet seat and shot vinh's Pinky friend, 3nd3r. And then the end.

But the next day, it was sunny and purple, with a thick haze of green fog on the naked women?s boyfriend. I thought milk looked like Z3r0s Theme. ? pfft I original put "the end" as imaginative as I am. But just as Z3r0 was replying to an email, spam poured Neowin?s forums! 3nd3r fixed his car because his tire had VIA drivers and kept crashing, so he was ****ed off. Then he copied and pasted the URL into the recycle bin and emptied it. I drank a lot of b33r because I am 1337 and gets free b33r. Because I own a store where old Canadians cuss you out over 30 cent postcards. Because they are cheap old Canadians who really do hate everyone except other old Canadians who don?t know wut the hell they?re talking about and play Doom because they got bored and then a comet struck the Earth. THE END.

Because they are dead and cheap, and can?t afford RTCW, but God gave them life again cos he was a nice bloke, and they wanted to thank God somehow so they went and died again and they came to buy him max payne (poor ******* must be tired of god sims they thought ) from Best Buy, where their prices are really expensive, so they stole it because the service at Best Buy was one by one, of bad service and all went to the cinema to watch Got Cath by Cops and Shot in the Head and died and end of story. Hum, back to Winamp Theme thingy, hf!

Chapter 2

It was a stormy night and 3nd3r was dreaming about b33r. He couldn't afford it, so he made a scheme up which involved other people buying it for him, this he called his "fan club", but his idea failed miserably and he ended up chatting with a load of lamers online, so one day he decided to go down to Best Buy and purchase a holiday to Fiji, but since Best Buy is a computer shop, he couldn't find it, so instead he decided to buy a new Athlon XP for Z3r0, but instead, the salesperson gave him an Intel chip instead. Because of this, Z3r0 had a expensive paperweight that he threw off a cliff, because he found himself out of things to do, and it turned into an AMD chip and came back into z3r0's hand. Because Intel sucks, but doesn?t swallow. The squirrel I think this is finally The End.

Oh wait a minute (says Steve Balmer), and Bill Gates starts singing "This is the story that never ends, it goes on n on my friend..."! Some fella started reading this damn long thread, and people will keep replying just because..........this is the thread that never end.....yes it goes on and on my friends... ! Suddenly a ghost tapped him on the testicle with a here and a b there and suddenly, a guy passed gas then the pants he wore ripped like Pamela Anderson?s red bra after she said, ?My my hair tastes like hair!? But my dog smells like the like Vinh dishwashing detergent my mom stinks very likes your dad who loves boys named Silvorgold and drinks b33r that is Canadian. Because cold Canadians need a good b33r. They eat b33r that has dust mites n poutine and 3nd3r?s big girlfriend who was using 3nd3r as a bodyguard, but instead, she went to use Vinh as a boytoy, which made 3nd3r extremely tired and ****ed because apples suck and taste like stereos and 3nd3r?s girlfriend?s dog who eats 3nd3r?s b33r p0st3rs that were hanging on Jim Carrey?s boxers which stink so bad that made Canadians ban themselves and 3nd3r from the depths of Xcalibur house since Jean Poutine, that is bigger than b33r p0w@, which is 1337 because it just is.

Simsville Star, which is bigger than Ben Hur, was going to go around to the garden where green grass mohocked and Xcalibur was mocking El Diablo Forto, the king of all while doing something that shouldn?t execute because purple slurpees were given to gnomes named Codrum the one who was formerly known as Dog. Dog sniffed glue because of smoking the stuff that was sitting on the floor.

I think it had to be over 48 million years and 2 days without the use of Windows XP or Chocolate OS became cocoa. Linux-Mandrake 12.2 by Xcalibur who went and screamed because spiders were scaring him. So, Bo Jangles decided to eat the spiders? webs which were extremely hot and steamy. Suddenly, a bug roared out and went w00t! W00t! Then pooped his pants when he saw Saddam Insane running quickly without pants down the cruise missile target zoneat which time the founder of gaypeoplegohere.com saw Gill Bates whacking the stick with George Bush and his drunk daughters who had small brains, but they loved farts which smelled like something that crawled out of 3nd3r?s and sang his favourite song, ?Macho Man? because 3nd3r loves girls that are masculine except that Silvorgold loves the masculine men. Well Osiris was getting turned on by old men while Bill Gates was hacking the Apple. Osiris laughed his ass off as Silvorgold woke up and realised he was dreaming about the old men well Osiris was going all mental since Xcalibur is the god and Bob ran back to page 1 of the forums because Osiris posted a reply about Internet speeds on Windows XP and Linux, and then the aliens invaded and asked for a cup of sugar. But then Faction put gold bond in the sugar bowl and gave it to the aliens and it caused a chain reaction amongst the multiverse causing a b, ?a b what?? ponders EmuZombie and Webgraph! While Webgraph and EmuZombie were pondering on how to be ?The One?, a war broke out that lasted 4 seconds and a cup of coffee later, Apple took over Microsoft. Then an orange came around and laughed at the apple and went to the best diagnostic tool thread. The sex rumble was so loud that the thread was rocking like a Bob Dylan concert back in the 70's. Back at the hall of justice, hardocp.com was watercooling an Xbox and XP with b33r! Lotsa beer in fact and then they took a huge steak of tuna and stuck it down the front of their pants while Toxicfume ...

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Posts

    • Microsoft releases PowerToys v0.100.1, fixes a bug that made remapped keys misbehave by Ivan Jenic Microsoft just released PowerToys v0.100.1, a patch update that addresses several stability and behavior issues found in v0.100.0. The v0.100.0 patch was a significant update for PowerToys, as it introduced all sorts of new features and additions, such as a rebuilt Shortcut Guide, a Command Palette Extension Gallery, webcam overlay support in ZoomIt, and more. However, the v0.100.0 version also introduced some bugs and stability issues. And now, Microsoft is addressing these issues in the new patch. The most impactful fix in this release perhaps is in Keyboard Manager, where remapped modifier keys were being delivered as system-key events, causing unexpected behavior in apps. The clearest example of this was Alt-to-Backspace remaps, deleting whole words instead of a single character. So, if you thought there was an issue with your keyboard, Microsoft just confirmed that it was PowerToys. Beyond the Keyboard Manager fix, v0.100.1 also addresses several other issues. It fixes a bug with Power Display that was preventing monitors from waking from standby correctly. Additionally, the new update patches Quick Access crashes on launch, and resolves a Shortcut Guide crash that occurred when switching between sidebar sections. Here’s the full changelog: Color Picker Fixed a bug where the main Color Picker window could appear inside the zoomed-in picker view Command Palette Fixed Run history initialization in AOT builds Fixed a bug where the Performance Monitor dock item could show ??? after restart Fixed the Hibernate command using the Sleep icon Limited the "pin to dock" dialog to displays where the dock is enabled Keyboard Manager Fixed modifier keys remapped to non-modifier keys being delivered as system-key events, which caused unexpected behavior in apps such as Alt-to-Backspace deleting whole words Power Display Fixed a bug where selecting On in the monitor power-state control did not wake a monitor from standby Fixed built-in display detection and brightness control on dual-GPU laptops where the internal panel is driven by the discrete GPU PowerToys Run Fixed VS Code Workspaces discovery after VS Code moved recently opened workspace data to shared storage Quick Access Fixed Quick Access flyout crashes caused by unhandled XAML exceptions during launch or page navigation Shortcut Guide Fixed a crash when navigating between Shortcut Guide sidebar sections Fixed number-key rendering in shortcut manifests and added a Postman shortcut manifest Updated bundled shortcut manifests to use the literal number-key token so number keys render correctly across apps ZoomIt Fixed a race condition in audio initialization for ZoomIt video recording You can download PowerToys v0.100.1 from the official GitHub releases page.
    • OBS Studio 32.2.0 Beta 2 by Razvan Serea OBS Studio is software designed for capturing, compositing, encoding, recording, and streaming video content, efficiently. It is the re-write of the widely used Open Broadcaster Software, to allow even more features and multi-platform support. OBS Studio supports multiple sources, including media files, games, web pages, application windows, webcams, your desktop, microphone and more. OBS Studio Features: High performance real time video/audio capturing and mixing, with unlimited scenes you can switch between seamlessly via custom transitions. Live streaming to Twitch, YouTube, Periscope, Mixer, GoodGame, DailyMotion, Hitbox, VK and any other RTMP server Filters for video sources such as image masking, color correction, chroma/color keying, and more. x264, H.264 and AAC for your live streams and video recordings Intel Quick Sync Video (QSV) and NVIDIA NVENC support Intuitive audio mixer with per-source filters such as noise gate, noise suppression, and gain. Take full control with VST plugin support. GPU-based game capture for high performance game streaming Unlimited number of scenes and sources Number of different and customizable transitions for when you switch between scenes Hotkeys for almost any action such as start or stop your stream or recording, push-to-talk, fast mute of any audio source, show or hide any video source, switch between scenes,and much more Live preview of any changes on your scenes and sources using Studio Mode before pushing them to your stream where your viewers will see those changes DirectShow capture device support (webcams, capture cards, etc) Powerful and easy to use configuration options. Add new Sources, duplicate existing ones, and adjust their properties effortlessly. Streamlined Settings panel for quickly configuring your broadcasts and recordings. Switch between different profiles with ease. Light and dark themes available to fit your environment. …and many other features. For free. At all. OBS Studio 32.2.0 Beta 2 changelog: Beta 2 Changes Fixed a CI deployment issue. There are no application changes since Beta 1. 32.2 New Features Replaced add source dropdown with new dialog [Warchamp7] Improved FPS selector UX [jcm93] Added missing file support for filters [exeldro] Added ability for plugins to set custom icons for new source types [cg2121] Included .webp files when adding a directory to Image Slide Show source [TarunCore] Added copy paste functions to frontend API [exeldro] Added filter to compose SDR into HDR [jpark37] Added delete as a hotkey to delete sources on macOS [PatTheMav] Added dynamic bitrate support to multitrack video [lexano-ivs] 32.2 Changes Forced Intel-based installations to update to Apple Silicon version on macOS [PatTheMav] This change means that OBS Studio versions built for Intel-based Macs but running on Apple Silicon Macs will automatically update to OBS Studio built for Apple Silicon Macs. If an installation was using third-party plugins, those plugins will no longer load until replaced with Apple Silicon versions. Fixed audio mixer state getting out of sync when changing settings via websockets or plugins [Warchamp7] Added theming for checked QToolButtons [glikely] Improved OpenGL performance slightly on low-end machines [kkartaltepe] Set minimum size for color source to 1 pixel [exeldro] Added minimum width to spinboxes [Warchamp7] Disallowed overwriting the crash handler [sebastian-s-beckmann] Applied process mitigation policies for Windows [notr1ch] Adjusted description of multitrack video [jhnbwrs] Changed new capture devices to use fallback frame rate by default [PatTheMav] Improved DLL loading behavior on Windows [notr1ch] Limited multitrack video config to Custom service [PatTheMav] 32.2 Bug Fixes Fixed OAuth and dock state save corruption [PatTheMav] Fixed group bounds not resizing when removing items [howellrl] Fixed canvas mixes not being restored after video reset [dsaedtler] Fixed some erroneous crashes during shutdown [Warchamp7] Fixed display capture sometimes capturing black after a duplicator failure [ThrowTop] Fixed color of controls dock output buttons in System theme [shiina424] Fixed virtual camera reset failures [stephematician] Fixed potential crash when user discards changes in the settings window [suogesi] Fixed incorrect return value in virtualcam filter [xtfo] Fixed source toolbar buttons not working after dragging a source into a group [Warchamp7] Fixed properties hint icon spacing [Warchamp7] Fixed potential crash when a video device reconnects on macOS [jcm93] Fixed an issue where PipeWire could fail on NVIDIA GPUs [hoshinolina] Fixed obs_canvas_get_video_info returning incorrect framerate [dsaedtler] 32.2 Deprecations Deprecated obs_properties_add_button [sebastian-s-beckmann] Download: OBS Studio 32.2.0 Beta 2 | Portable | ARM64 | ~200.0 MB (Open Source) View: OBS Studio Homepage | Other Operating Systems | Screenshot Get alerted to all of our Software updates on Twitter at @NeowinSoftware
    • Is a fast food restaurant a good metric to compare against?
    • Grand Theft Auto VI pricing revealed alongside Ultimate Edition and pre-loading details by Pulasthi Ariyasinghe Last week, Rockstar revealed Grand Theft Auto VI pre-orders will be starting soon, and just a day ahead of that, now the studio has announced the official pricing for the highly anticipated game. This has been a hotly debated topic among fans and industry veterans for a long time, considering the game is expected to be the biggest entertainment product launch ever. The confirmed pricing for the Grand Theft Auto VI standard edition is $79.99, which Rockstar says gives access to the "single-player experience set in the biggest, most immersive evolution of the series yet." This follows what most of our readers thought would happen with the pricing too. At the same time, a $99.99 Grand Theft Auto VI: Ultimate Edition has been confirmed as well, which lands with "an exclusive collection of premium vehicles, weapons, apparel, and action threaded across all aspects of Jason and Lucia’s story." Pre-ordering will also give fans extra bonuses, including a Vintage Vice City Pack of cosmetic items as well as a free month of GTA+. Head to the official website of the game here to check out all the cosmetic rewards the Ultimate Edition and pre-orders bring. Interestingly, the studio does not mention Grand Theft Auto VI multiplayer at all in today's announcement. Perhaps this will arrive later, following the campaign launch, or the studio is keeping that reveal for a later date. Digital pre-orders for Grand Theft Auto VI will begin on June 25, 2026, at midnight local time across regions for Xbox Series X|S and PlayStation 5. The title is slated to launch on November 19 on those same platforms. Pre-loading for Grand Theft Auto VI will kick off on November 12, giving players a week to get the game ready on their consoles. As for the physical edition, Take-Two has confirmed that this will be available without a disc, with the box only containing a download code inside. This will be purchasable starting November 12, giving players who take this route time to pre-load the title as well.
  • Recent Achievements

    • One Year In
      OHI Accounting earned a badge
      One Year In
    • First Post
      Almohandis earned a badge
      First Post
    • Rookie
      DaviKar went up a rank
      Rookie
    • Dedicated
      HidekoYamamoto94 earned a badge
      Dedicated
    • One Month Later
      timbobit earned a badge
      One Month Later
  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      474
    2. 2
      +Edouard
      172
    3. 3
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      122
    4. 4
      Michael Scrip
      83
    5. 5
      Xenon
      72
  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!